


Getting Personal

by Erulisse17



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: But Kylo is nowhere near as charming as Tony, F/M, Gen, Happily Ever After, Happy Ending, Kylo is Meryl Streep from Devil Wears Prada, Kylo is a terrible boss, Rey could also be Pepper Potts, Rey is Donna from Suits, Rey is much Smarter than Kylo thinks she is, Rey is way too cute for this nonsense, Snoke Is A Creep, Workplace AU, it's hilarious, sassy Rey, which surprises no one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erulisse17/pseuds/Erulisse17
Summary: “Hmmm.” Hux frowned at her. “Your references seem in order, I suppose. What would you say are important traits in who you’d be assisting?”Rey smiled brightly at him. “Well, I’d be happy to assist whoever needs it, but my ideal boss would be someone who’s warm, kind, friendly, and really great at communicating what they need.”A malicious grin grew on Hux’s face. “Oh, I think I know *exactly* the right place for you.”Or, Kylo keeps scaring away personal assistants until Hux hires one that isn't afraid of him. Not only is Rey not scared of him, she is ruthlessly efficient, refuses to put up with his nonsense, and disconcertingly pretty. And also seems to genuinely want to help him, which clearly means she's up to something. Right?





	1. Impressions

 

* * *

 

 

“Miss Rey… Niima, was it?” The red-headed man peered at her over her resume.

 

“Yes, sir.” Rey nodded with a bright smile, smoothing her grey linen skirt and ignoring the fact that he hadn’t confirmed her name until halfway through the interview.

 

“And you’ve worked as a personal assistant before?”

 

“Yes, sir, for Unkar Plutt at Jakku Enterprises.”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “They’re an engineering company. This is one of the best ad agencies in the world.”

 

“Yes sir, but being a personal assistant is all about making the boss’ life easier, and as someone who’s efficient and organized, that’s definitely something I’m familiar with.” Rey replied as confidently as she could.

 

“Hmmm.” Hux frowned at her. “Your references seem in order, I suppose. What would you say are important traits in who you’d be assisting?”

 

“Well, I’d be happy to assist whoever needs it, but my ideal boss would be someone who’s warm, kind, friendly, and really great at communicating what they need.”

 

A malicious grin grew on Hux’s face. “Oh, I think I know _exactly_ the right place for you.”

 

…

 

“Welcome to First Order.” The older Human Resources manager who introduced herself as Ms. Dickie told her in a tired monotone. “Here’s your badge, employee code of conduct, and paperwork. No personal calls or surfing the Facegram or whatever you kids do on computers these days. When you’re here, you work. Clear?”

 

“Yes, ma’am. Crystal.” Rey told her, trying to exude professionalism.

 

“Not ma’am. Ms. Dickie. And where did Hux say he assigned you?” She asked, already about to dismiss her from her mind.

 

“Uh, to the eleventh floor, to a Mr. Ren?”

 

Ms. Dickie suddenly paused, then made full eye contact with Rey for the first time. “Kylo Ren? He assigned you to assist Kylo Ren?”

 

Taken aback (and slightly worried) by the abrupt attention, she nodded hesitantly. “Yes?”

 

Letting out a long sigh, the HR manager shook her head, then motioned to the stack of papers in Rey’s arms. “Well, if you last the day, then you can fill those out and give them back to me. If you don’t, don’t bother.”

 

As Ms. Dickie waved her hand in pessimistic dismal, Rey headed to the eleventh floor with wide eyes, wondering exactly what she was getting herself into.

 

She found out fairly quickly.

 

No sooner had she settled in at her desk when the elevator pinged and loud, angry steps came marching towards her.

 

“Those damn Correllians and their damn cars.” A tall (almost absurdly tall) man with dark, curling hair stomped past her, reaching for the office door. “Nothing’s ever good enough or shiny enough for those arrogant bast-” He suddenly halted his mutterings and blinked at her.

 

“Who the hell are you?” He demanded, furrowing his brows.

 

“Rey.” She answered, then winced and added, “I’m your new personal assistant.”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “Hux sent you.”

 

Nodding, she attempted a charming smile. “Yes he did! Is there anything I can do to help you?”

 

He scowled, then bit out, “Yes. You can leave,” slamming the door behind him.

 

Rey sat for a moment, then turned back to her computer with a wry twist to her mouth. “That went well.”

 

…

 

Hours later, she was staring at the plethora of milks, creams, and sugars, glancing between them and the mug in her hand.

 

“You look a bit lost,” a friendly voice commented from her left.

 

She turned to see a dark-skinned man smiling at her and grinned in return. “Is it that obvious?”

 

“Unless you’re trying to commune with the half-and-half, I’m guessing you’re trying to make someone else a cup of coffee.”

 

“You guess right. I’m Rey.” She stuck out her hand.

 

“Finn. Welcome to First Order.”

 

“Any chance you know if Kylo Ren puts cream or sugar in his coffee?”

 

Finn’s face paled. “Kylo Ren? That’s who you’re assigned to?”

 

“Um, yeah. Why does everyone look so scared when they hear that?”

 

“Because you’re the… twenty-seventh, I think? PA they’ve hired for him in the last six months.”

 

Rey gaped. “Seriously? Why? Is he a perv? Or a creep?”

 

“Nothing like that, he’s just… difficult.”

 

Straightening her shoulders, Rey responded a bit defensively, “I’ve handled difficult people before.”

 

Finn was already shaking his head. “Not like him. He brings in the best accounts, so Snoke lets him do whatever he wants, and he takes the term ‘moody’ to a whole new nuclear level. I was originally assigned to him before Phasma pulled rank and reassigned me to her team. He calls me ‘Traitor’. She calls me ‘Scum’.” He paused, then gave her a sarcastic grin. “It’s a fun place to work.”

 

Rey winced in sympathy. “Sounds like it.”

 

Frowning at the coffee cup, she gestured helplessly to Finn, “So, any guesses on how he likes his coffee?”

 

“Like his soul,” Finn told her in an ominous tone, then smiled. “Black. With organic, fair trade beans. And hot. Like, center of the sun hot.”

 

She dumped the now cold coffee down the sink, then refilled the mug from the carafe labeled ‘organic’. “Thanks for everything, Finn. I’ll see you around.”

 

“You know, I hope I do.” He waved encouragingly. “Good luck!”

 

…

 

She returned to find Hux in Kylo’s office, and a very loud argument in progress. Hux stalked out, looking oddly pleased, and Rey suddenly heard a series of alarming thuds and smashes coming from behind her.

 

Once the noise had died down, the door jerked open, causing Rey to jump.

 

“Where the hell were you?” He snarled.

 

“Getting you coffee?” Rey offered, holding out the mug as a cautious peace offering.

 

He grabbed it from her, then dropped it in her trash. “It’s cold. Useless. Pathetic.”

 

Forcing herself to take a calming breath, Rey plastered on a smile, then asked as professionally as she could, “Is there something else you’d like me to do?”

 

“Yes. I’d like you to find a way to stop the damn Correllians from rejecting every design we’ve sent them, and to figure out what the hell they mean by ‘sleek’ and ‘edgy’. But since you have no clue about anything that goes on here, and know nothing about contracts, or advertising, I don’t think you’re going to be any help at all.”

 

Shrugging on his coat, he sneered, “I’m going home. Clean that mess up.”

 

Rey watched him go in silence, releasing her anger through visualizing multiple hits to his giant, stupid head with her bo staff.

 

Once she was assured she wasn’t going to break anything, she went into his office and starting sorting through the disaster area Kylo had left behind. After chucking the pieces of at least two coffee cups in the trash, picking up his chair, and replacing his phone and nameplate back on his desk, she sighed at the amount of papers scattered everywhere.

 

Fortunately it was easy to tell which ones had come from the kicked over trash, seeing as how he either ripped them up or crunched them into tiny balls before he threw them away (“Someone has some serious anger management issues,” she muttered to herself), so now all she had to do was tediously collect and reassemble the hundred page contract he had apparently thrown into the air.

 

Two-thirds of the way through, she stopped and stared at the section entitled _“Stipulations for Alterations to Scope of Work”_. After hunting down the following two pages, she read the entire section through three times before a slow, mischievous smile stretched across her face.

 

…

 

Kylo trudged into work the next morning, still in a dark mood from yesterday’s snide lecture from Hux about how efficiency with the Correllians, one of the biggest car companies in the world, clearly wasn’t one of his priorities, and how his lackadaisical attitude must be such a disappointment to Snoke.

 

“Smarmy bastard,” he growled as he punched the button on the elevator. “Lucky he still has a face.”

 

It wasn’t his fault that the damn rep kept pushing for more changes. Wasn’t his fault that every proof the design team offered was rejected. In fact, he was fairly certain this was all Hux’s fault somehow. Maybe that’s what he would do instead of getting involved in this dumpster fire of a-

 

He stopped suddenly.

 

She was still here.

 

The disconcertingly pretty assistant hadn’t fled at the thought of working for him a second day. He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or faintly impressed.

 

Upon his approach, she looked up with a bright, friendly smile, as if nothing from the previous day had made any impact. “Morning!”

 

Nevermind. He was definitely annoyed.

 

He ignored her and retreated behind the walls of his office, only to halt the moment the door closed.

 

Everything was spotless. His monitor had no smudges of any kind, his chair no longer squeaked, and his desk was so neat it practically gleamed. He sat slowly, suspicious of what kind of mindgames this level of organization meant.

 

He peered at her form through one of the vertical windows that framed his door. She was innocently typing away at her computer, but that could be some sort of charade to throw him off. After a few moments, he grunted dismissively, then prepared himself to tackle another round of angry emails from the Correllian rep.

 

Reaching for his mouse, he glanced down at the papers sitting in the center of his desk, noticing that it was open to page 87, with a small blue post-it flag pointing at an underlined phrase.

 

_“Designer’s Fee includes 3 rounds of revisions, provided that such revisions do not require work exceeding the Scope of Work as defined in this Agreement. Designer may decline, or charge additionally for, work that Designer reasonably deems to be beyond the Scope of Work.”_

 

After twenty minutes of staring at the contract, Kylo finally stabbed a button on his office phone.

 

“In here. Now.”

 

Through the window, he saw her jump a little, then shoot a look at the phone before standing up, smoothing her skirt, and walking in.

 

“You wanted to see me?”

 

He pointed accusingly at the document in front of him. “What is this?”

 

“I believe that’s the contract you were working on last night before you left,” she replied with a perfectly calm smile.

 

Ignoring the desire to flush a little, he waved the small sticky note at her. “I _mean_ , did you make notes in this contract?”

 

She managed to look surprised at the suggestion. “Me? Make notes in the contract? Why on earth would I do that? I was simply cleaning up last night, as instructed. I don’t know anything about advertising, or contracts, or that the Corellians have technically had five rounds of revisions at this point, which you could say is definitely beyond the agreed-upon scope of work and either charge them a bucketload of money or insist this last design is final.”

 

As he gaped at her, he thought he saw the corner of her mouth quirk up a little as she added, “Or both, if you like.”

 

Giving him another infuriatingly guileless smile, she continued, “As you said, I’m pretty clueless about what’s going on here. But I promise to work my hardest to catch up.”

 

They locked eyes for a long moment, both fully aware that she had essentially done his job for him, and that she was giving him complete credit for it anyway, which now meant that he _owed_ her, a concept that fundamentally unsettled him.

 

“Did you need anything else?” She asked, her tone skirting the line between genuine and facetious.

 

He shifted, then noticed the empty spot on his desk. “Yes. I haven’t had my-”

 

“Coffee?” She suddenly procured a ceramic mug from behind her back and placed it to the top right of his keyboard before heading back to her desk. “Careful, it’s hot.”

 

He watched her intently as she closed the door and settled herself at her desk, answering the phone as she sorted mail with a practiced ease, trying to understand why this all felt so… strange.

 

Perhaps it was because she wasn’t afraid of him.

 

Everyone was afraid of him these days. Or trying to control him, like Snoke or Hux or Phasma.

 

She had helped him. And hadn’t asked for anything.

 

 _Yet,_ he added mentally, watching her chat with that Traitor, who looked pleasantly surprised to see her.

 

Whatever she was up to, he thought as he reached for his coffee, he’d certainly have to keep an eye on her. She felt like trouble.

 

“Ow!” He yelped as soon as he touched the cup, and he swore he saw her bite down a giggle.

 

 _Definitely_ trouble.

 

…

 

As the cleaning crew came by, Rey had to tamp down her self-satisfied smile. Overall, she felt pretty good about today. There had been no tantrums, Hux had walked in smirking and left scowling, which she was quickly learning was a good sign in regards to Kylo’s mood. He declared the coffee “passable”, and if Finn’s reaction was to be believed, meant that it was near perfection.

 

The door closed behind her, and she wiped off her smile and continued answering emails left over from at least four previous PAs. He walked past her, then paused.

 

“I’m going home.” He said gruffly, “You should too.”

 

Before Rey could react, he quickly headed towards the elevator.

 

“Good night!” She called out behind him, not even miffed that he didn’t answer.

 

Humming a little as she packed up her things, she bid goodnight to the security guard and walked happily to her car. Once the door to her rusty Chariot slammed closed, she glanced around the parking lot before pressing her screen and listening to her phone ring.

 

A low voice answered, “Well?”

 

Rey watched Kylo’s black TIE Silencer screech out onto the road before blowing through a red light, honking at the other cars in the way, then grinned softly.

 

“I’m in.”


	2. Allegiances

(Fantastic moodboard created by [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite))

 

“C’mon. How do you do it?” Finn asked, resting his elbows on her desk.

 

Rey shook her head with a smile as she stapled the latest contract printout. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“You’ve been here a week! That’s longer than 90% of any of his other PAs. What is it? Did you hypnotize him? Do you have blackmail?” He leaned closer and whispered dramatically, “Tell me your secrets!”

 

Laughing, she shoved him away. “Maybe I’m just good at my job. Ever think of that?”

 

“They’ve straight up stolen executive assistants from millionaires that haven’t been able to hack it this long. You’ve got to have some sort of trick.”

 

She rolled her eyes fondly, then replied, “Tell you what, you get that Kashyyyk Oil Co meeting on Phasma’s calendar, I’ll let you in on some of my secrets.”

 

“Oh come on, that’s not-”

 

Rey held up a finger and swiveled towards the elevator a second before it dinged.

 

“He’s coming. Now shoo.”

 

“How the hell do you do that? It’s like you can sense him coming!” Finn commented as Rey waved him away.

 

“Get me that meeting and I’ll tell you.” Rey called after him, gathering her things in preparation.

 

Long, grumpy strides brought Kylo down the hall within a few minutes.

 

“Good morning!” She chirruped, holding out his coffee mug by the handle.

 

He shot her the same look he did every time she did this, because it forced him to grab the body of the cup instead of the handle, and therefore scald his palm against the ceramic. All as a (not so) subtle reminder of the _one_ time he had declared his coffee too cold and had dropped it in her trash.

 

Rey smiled all the wider at his glare as he grunted in response and took the cup anyway. She followed him into his office and ran through the day’s schedule.

 

“Today’s pretty packed. There’s the final Corellian billboard design meeting at 10, then Dagobah Gas wants to take you out to that new sushi place on 15th street at noon. Kuat Citywear just sent over their second round of revisions to the contract, and are expecting a response on that before the day is out,” a muffled chime sounded from her pocket, causing Rey check her phone, then smirk a little before adding, “and you and Phasma are meeting with Kashyyyk Oil Company Friday at 9 am.”

 

Kylo stopped deleting emails and snapped his head up to look at her. “Phasma agreed to come to the meeting?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Also, Crait Salt wants to-”

 

“Stop.” He narrowed his eyes. “Phasma’s been avoiding me for weeks. How did you get her to agree to that?”

 

Shrugging nonchalantly, Rey replied, “I talked to one of her assistants. It’s on her calendar and she marked it as going.”

 

He scowled out the window. “Everytime I try to hunt one of them down, they always disappear.”

 

“Maybe it’s because you, quote, ‘hunt them’, unquote?” Rey suggested with a wry tilt of her head.

 

Kylo met her gaze with brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

Blinking, Rey replied slowly, “I mean that they’re scared of you.”

 

His frown deepened, and Rey was surprised to see that his expression was almost... _offended_.

 

“Oh come on. You can’t tell me that you don’t know the effect you have.” Ignoring her internal voice warning that she was going to get herself fired, Rey pointed out, “You want them to be afraid, what with all of your stomping and scowling.”

 

A long silence stretched between them, this new territory of harsh honesty threatening to tip the fragile balance of their fledging work relationship.

 

Taking a breath, Rey offered, “...Or we could say it’s because I’m very charming?”

 

He met her eyes, thought a moment, then gave her a small nod. “Let’s go with that,” he agreed, voice too neutral for Rey to discern if he was actually stung or simply wanted her to stop talking.

 

Making a mental note to tone down her habit of saying whatever she was thinking, Rey nodded, then asked, “Is there anything else?”

 

Kylo stood, shaking his head. “No. I’ll go ‘hunt down’ Phasma to brief her on what our goals are for the meeting.”

 

Rey canted her head, wondering if it was possible that her boss just made a joke. “Sounds good. I’ll highlight the Kuat Citywear revisions for you when you get back.”

 

She went to sit at her desk when he suddenly asked, “Are you?”

 

Blinking up at him as he shifted his weight awkwardly, Rey asked, “Am I what?”

 

He looked around, then mumbled, “You said everyone was afraid of me. Are you?”

 

Rey stared, unsure why she was very aware of how tall he was, how good his cologne smelled, how close they were even with her desk between them, finally answered with a soft, “No.”

 

Letting out a short breath, despite her earlier self-admonishment, she added, “Should I be?”

 

Startled, he opened his mouth, then abruptly shut it and marched away, leaving Rey with an assortment of incredibly confusing emotions to sort through.

 

…

 

“As I’ve said before, Mr. Hux, Mr. Ren is unavailable at the moment.” Rey repeated blandly, which only seemed to infuriate Hux further.

 

“It’s your job to know where he is and what he is doing _at all times,”_ he hissed.

 

“But sir, I do know where he is.”

 

Hux focused in on her with alarming intensity. “You do?”

 

“Yes.” Rey widened her eyes innocently. “He’s unavailable.”

 

Hux looked practically apoplectic when an irritated sigh came from the hallway and Kylo shoved past him in order to reach his office.

 

“Ren!” Hux shouted, turning away and allowing Rey to finally giggle discreetly.

 

“Go away, Armitage.” Kylo told him, as he settled at his computer.

 

“The Dagobah Gas Company should have sent their signed contract over three days ago. You’re the one who brought them in, I would at least expect you to care somewhat about whether they agree to work with us.” Hux informed him sharply, crossing his arms.

 

Kylo continued staring at his screen. “As the one who brought them in, I’d say that would be my business.”

 

“It’s all of our business if you allow a large account to slip through our fingers simply because you cannot be bothered to do your job. I’m sure Snoke would be very interested to know that you clearly don’t-”

 

Rey opened the door with a stack of papers. “Sir, I have the Dagobah contract here for you.”

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Finally! Give them here,” and reached out his hand.

 

To the surprise of both men in the room, Rey stared at Hux for a moment, then turned away to check with Kylo, who worked to bite back a smile and gave her a long, regal nod. Rey gave Hux the contract with a beaming smile, then left the room with a wave.

 

“Let me know if you need anything else!”

 

Hux glared at the door, then frowned at Kylo. “Your assistant is getting a little mouthy. Perhaps we can find someone more suited to-”

 

“You touch her and I will end you.” Kylo told him, meeting his gaze with a look of menacing promise.

 

Sniffing, Hux decided to rifle through the papers instead of giving a reply.

 

…

 

When Kylo left that night, he was unsettled to see Phasma’s traitor assistant talking to her. Not just talking, it was more… _friendly_ than that. He only had time to scowl at the other man for a moment before Rey asked, “Going home?”

 

He grunted in response, then started to walk away before pausing.

 

“Good work today,” He offered finally, pointedly ignoring how Traitor’s mouth dropped open in favor of watching Rey’s face light up.

 

“Thank you!” She responded, looking at him as if that meant something to her. As if what he thought of her mattered.

 

Shaking his head to clear it of such troubling ideas, he nodded gruffly, then fled to the elevator.

 

…

 

“The hell did you do to that man?!” Finn practically screeched at her once the elevator doors closed.

 

“Finn! Inside voice,” Rey told him, rubbing her ear.

 

“You drugged him, didn’t you? Snuck something into his coffee?”

 

“Again, has it occured to you that I’m just good at my job?”

 

“You’re clearly more than that. He told you ‘good work’! You’re like freaking Wonder Woman!”

 

Rey laughed. “I think your standards are a little low.”

 

“I don’t think you understand. He has driven away everyone who has ever worked for him in less than a week, three quarters of them in tears. One week in and he’s complimenting you? Has to be drugs.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Rey gave in. “Okay, you want to know my secrets?”

 

“Yes! Also, totally not limited to work secrets either,” Finn responded, as Rey pushed him away.

 

“First, I bribed Terry the security guard with donuts to text me when Kylo pulls into the parking lot. That gives me enough time to make his coffee and have it ready when he comes in.”

 

“Yeah but he rejects anything that isn’t hotter than the sun! How do you get around that?”

 

Rey grinned and pointed to a small circular device plugged in at her desk. “10 dollar hot plate from Amazon.”

 

Finn gaped at her. “Those exist?”

 

“I use mine at home all the time to keep my tea from going cold,” she shrugged.

 

“Okay, well, how do you know the perfect time to walk into his office?”

 

Rey pointed to her office phone. “I turned his speaker on.”

 

Finn glanced around, then whispered, “You can do that?”

 

“They don’t say you can’t do it in the employee code of conduct. That way I can mark down meetings that he’ll forget to tell me about, or listen for clues for when he’s hungry or needs more coffee.”

 

Shaking his head in admiration, Finn told her, “Girl, you are straight up devious.”

 

“And the most important secret to working with Kylo Ren is…” she motioned Finn closer, then whispered, “annoy Hux whenever possible.”

 

As their laughter pealed down the hallway, Rey couldn’t help but smile. She had a great friend, work was going well, and her boss finally seemed to start to like her!

 

Everything was going according to plan.


	3. Meanings

(Gorgeous moodboard created by [bunilicious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunilicious))

 

Something was wrong.

 

Rey heard plastic clink, then a soft thud, which meant that Kylo was throwing pens at the design proofs again. There was a long, irritated sigh, then the sound of ceramic meeting glass as he set down his coffee cup for the eighth time in the last five minutes.

 

After turning on the hotplate to warm up the second cup of coffee she had made for him, Rey checked the notes she took during the Coronet Durasteel design meeting, and rolled her eyes at the typical vague descriptions they had given about what they wanted their ad campaign to look like.

 

_“Client requested that the design pop, stand out, look youthful and interesting to attract new customers, but without alienating current buyers. Bright colors, but not too bright. Fresh, but also traditional. They’ll know it when they see it.”_

 

No wonder the design team and Kylo were stumped. And why Hux had gleefully transferred such a big account in exchange for the smaller, more specific Ti'mere's InfoServices.

 

“Here. Now.” His voice sounded more tired than demanding, but she shot her phone speaker a glare anyway. Three weeks in and he had yet to use her actual name.

 

Reminding herself that the fact he hadn’t shouted or destroyed his entire office recently was a sign of process.

 

 _Baby steps, baby steps_ , she chanted internally, before stepping into his office with the back-up coffee and a bright, professional smile.

 

“How can I help?”

 

He gestured to the three poster boards on easels in front of him. “Which one?”

 

Rey blinked at him for a moment before pointing to herself. “You’re asking me?”

 

“No, the other person I called into the room,” he snapped irritatedly, but his tone lack its usual edge. “Yes, you.”

 

Raising an eyebrow at him in rebuke, she turned to study the designs in front of her.

 

“Well?” Kylo prompted after she had stared at them a good while, taking a sip of his coffee. He made a face at the temperature, then looked up to ask her for a new one and saw the mug being dangled in front of him, Rey still staring at the proofs.

 

“Honestly? None of them.”

 

He rubbed his face in exasperation, took the new mug and repeated, _“None_ of them?”

 

“They’re all too… modern.”

 

Eyes flashing dangerously, he swiveled to glare at her. “They _asked_ for modern. They asked for youthful and trendy and sleek and modern. This is exactly what they asked for.”

 

“It’s exactly what the _rep_ asked for. Not the CEO.”

 

Running his hand through his hair, he grit his teeth. “What does the CEO have to do with anything?”

 

“Remember the old guy on the call? Kept interrupting and talking over everyone?”

 

Kylo frowned in thought.

 

“You called him an arrogant douchebag after the call ended?” Rey reminded him with a sigh.

 

He pursed his lips, then ceded, “Maybe.”

 

“He’s a total control freak. So the rep may be the one requesting the designs, but that guy’s the one vetoing them. The rep may want ‘youthful and trendy’, but the CEO just wants the same ads that they’ve always had, but with a fresh coat of paint.”

 

He stared at her for a moment, then turned to his computer. “Well, what do his old ads look-”

 

A printout of ads from Durasteel’s website landed on his desk, causing him to glance up to meet Rey’s self-satisfied smile.

 

He looked between the papers and designs, then tapped his fingers on his desk.

 

“You sure about this?”

 

“Have I been wrong yet?” She countered, lifting her eyebrows wryly.

 

Letting out a long breath, he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

 

“Alright, wipe that smirk off your face and email the design team those old ads. Tell them brighter colors, high res photos, but make them feel the same.”

 

Nodding, Rey started back toward her desk, then paused and bit her lip as Kylo started massaging his temples.

 

She returned a minute later with a glass of water and two aspirin, setting them down in front of his keyboard so he had to stop typing. He stared blearily at the tablets, then swallowed them with only a minimal scowl in Rey’s direction. As he drank the water, Rey crossed her arms and asked, “Would you like me to order you some food?”

 

He shot her a suspicious glare. “Why?”

 

Raising an eyebrow, she answered, “Because you’ve been here for ten hours and you skipped lunch?”

 

He considered her for a long moment, as if debating her sincerity.

 

“There’s a Thai place down the way that delivers late,” she offered with a slight grin.

 

Letting out a sigh of defeat, he told her, “Pad Thai. Chicken.”

 

Rey smiled. “Sounds good.”

 

“Get yourself something too.”

 

She halted, one hand on the door, then looked back. “Me?”

 

“If I’ve been here ten hours, you’ve been here longer. Yes you.”

 

Watching him with something akin to surprise, she blinked, then said softly, “Thank you.”

 

Frowning, he responded, “I’m telling you to eat, not giving you a Nobel prize. Now hurry up and order. I’m starved.”

 

Biting back a laugh at the old Kylo coming through, Rey went back to her desk, unable to stop the happy smile tugging at her mouth.

 

…

 

“...the Durasteel rep wants to expand the contract for three more designs, so legal’s working on that today and will hopefully have it tomorrow by lunch, and then we have a call with Incom-FreiTek at 3. Oh, and did you bring your passport?”

 

Kylo’s inattentive nodding suddenly stopped. “...Why?”

 

Rey frowned at him. “Because you and Phasma have the big Kashyyyk Oil convention you’re attending next week? And it’s in Canada, so I need it to book your flight?”

 

He shifted in his chair, then told her brusquely, “I’ll do it myself.”

 

Rey raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Oh, will you now.”

 

“Yes. I will. How hard can it be?” He snapped at her, which oddly seemed to amuse her.

 

“Alright. You let me know how that goes for you,” she told him with an irritating air of superiority, heading to her desk. “I’ll just be out here.”

 

Forty minutes later, the profanities echoing from her phone speaker were getting worse.

 

“I’ve already entered my employee reference number, you kriffing moron! I’m just trying to use the miles I already- What do you mean I need to enter my damn social security number again? Why do I need to- wait, no, no, no! Don’t time out on me you son of a lousy rotten-”

 

The sound of his monitor hitting the floor was jarring, but not unsurprising. Rey poked her head in his office door and tried not to sound too smug as she asked, “Anything I can do to help?”

 

Head still in his hands, he groaned, “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

 

“Enjoying what?” Rey asked, voice far too innocent.

 

He lifted his head enough to scowl at her. “I hate you.”

 

Rey shrugged and started to close the door. “Alright, well, if you don’t want my help…”

 

“Stop. Wait.”

 

She turned around slowly and saw him holding out his passport while staring at his desk. Rolling her eyes, because, _honestly, how difficult was it to listen to her in the first place,_ she took it and flipped open the cover.

 

Staring up at her was Kylo’s face, but without his five o’ clock shadow or the lines near his eyes. She scanned his height and weight and suddenly stopped at his name.

 

_Benjamin Tynan Organa-Solo._

 

Glancing up, she saw the tension in his shoulders as he waited for her to comment on either family name (the _Senator_ Organa? The racing _legend_ Solo?).

 

“Benjamin, huh?”

 

He looked at her in ill-concealed surprise. “Only my mother calls me that,” he muttered.

 

“Ben,” she amended, trying out the taste of it on her tongue, then smiled softly at him. “It suits you.”

 

When he did nothing but watch her, almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, Rey gave him a definitive nod, then said, “I’ll book those for you in just a mo.”

 

Still suspicious, he called after here, “You tell anyone about this, I’ll-”

 

“Throw your computer on the ground?”

 

They both peered down to see the fallen screen sporting a large crack from corner to corner.

 

Shaking her head a little, Rey added, “I’ll call IT and get them to bring you a new one...”

 

She let the door swing almost closed, then added, “... Ben,” in a low, pleased tone, missing the odd look that flashed across his face.

 

…

 

After squinting at his screen for several hours, Kylo gave up trying to discern which font Hraki Adventure Motors would prefer and since it was now 12:23, decided to finally listen to his growling stomach.

 

(Strange, she usually paged him right at noon to remind him to eat, if only so he could tell her that he didn’t need to and to butt out of his business. She never listened, and he was oddly miffed by the absence of the cheerful reminder today.)

 

“Heading to lunch,” he told her brusquely as he passed her desk, and he swore that she jumped a little.

 

“Oh, um, yes. Okay. See… see you later.” She managed, and he thought she sounded fairly distracted.

 

(He’d have to mention that to her later, if only because he hardly ever got the chance to tell her something before she had somehow one-upped him.)

 

He made it all the way to his car before he realized that his keys were in his jacket pocket, which was conveniently hanging in his office. Palming his phone, he considered calling her, then opted to swing back and deliver some razor sharp wit in person. Now he just had to think of a clever way to reply to a mumbled ‘see you later’.

 

When the elevator doors opened, he was half-disappointed, half-relieved that she wasn’t at her desk, since he hadn’t come up with any witty repertoire yet.

 

(Everything felt oddly… empty, without her attending her post. Too quiet. Too… wrong.)

 

Figuring she must have gone for lunch too, he muttered to himself about assistants getting far too much leeway about being away from their desk and swung open his door, only to find Rey sitting in his chair in the corner, sobbing quietly to herself.

 

Both of them froze, then Rey burst out, “I am so sorry, I- I thought you had left for lunch already  and no one would be in here and you wouldn’t mind, I’m so sorry, I’ll go, just let me-”

 

She attempted to grab her purse, which then fell on the floor, spilling its contents on the floor and causing Rey to cry again, this time with a edge of frustration.

 

He came forward and knelt down, trying to think of what the hell he should do.

 

“I forgot my keys,” he ended up saying, which his brain very quickly identified as definitely very unhelpful.

 

She sniffed loudly, then winced, “Of course. They’re in your jacket pocket. I should have reminded you, I’m so sorry, I-”

 

“Rey,” he said softly, placing his hand on hers.

 

They both stiffened at the electricity in the touch, then she lifted her hazel eyes to meet his.

 

“That’s the first time you’ve said my name.”

 

Almost as if commanded, he said it again. “Rey. What’s going on?”

 

Wiping her face, she stared at the ground and shook her head. “It’s nothing, honest, I should just go, I’m sor-”

 

“Stop apologizing,” he interrupted firmly, then tried to gentle his tone. “Just… talk to me.”

 

When she didn’t answer, he looked around and offered her the box of tissues from his desk. Taking one, she blew her nose, then balled the tissue up and tossed it at the trash, making a face when it missed by a mile.

 

So quietly he almost didn’t hear, she finally whispered, “My sort-of gran died two years ago today.”

 

Sitting back on his heels, he let out a long breath, then asked, “Sort-of?”

 

(His brain again defined that statement as not only unhelpful, but bordering on insensitive.)

 

“Foster system, bad homes, group homes, one good home, eventually adopted, long and heart-wrenching tale, blah blah blah. Maz basically raised me since I was fifteen and… for a long time, she was the only one that cared about me.”

 

(Resisting the urge to punch the past in the face, because even he know that would be the opposite of help right now, he forced himself to breathe and listen.)

 

“And I know it’s been two years, and you think it would have stopped hurting by now, right? I was doing okay until one of my friends texted me something really nice, and then I wanted to tell her, but I _can’t.”_

 

Fresh sobs racked her body, and with careful hesitation, he reached out to awkwardly pat her back, eventually shifting his movements to slow circles.

 

“I’m sorry,” he told her softly.

 

( _Finally,_ his internal voice snarked.)

 

Shaking her head, she took another tissue and started, “It’s o-”, then stopped, wiped her eyes, and changed it to, “Thanks.”

 

After a few moments, she sat up and gave him a watery smile. “I’m alright now. Promise.”

 

He felt oddly reluctant to stop rubbing soft circles on her back, which made him snatch his hand away all the quicker.

 

“Well, good.” He mumbled, then cast around for what to say next. “You’ll need to be able to see if you’re going to drive home.”

 

She blinked up at him. “Huh?”

 

“I’m saying go home. Take the rest of the day.”

 

“What? No! No, there’s still so many things, you have that Adventure Motors proof meeting with the design team at 2, and then-”

 

“Rey.” He wasn’t sure how to categorize the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when he said her name, or what was happening to him when her eyes looked this vulnerable, this fragile.

 

“You’re in pain. Go home and let it pass.” He told her once he was certain his voice was under control.

 

He watched her start to shake her head, then added, “Or do I need to fire you and then rehire you tomorrow?”

 

She gave a weak laugh, which reassured him somewhat, then replied hoarsely, “As if you could survive without me.”

 

“I’ll have you know I could do my job effectively and efficiently long before you got here.”

 

“Barely.” She snarked with a sniff, meeting his gaze with a small grin. “I’ve seen the stats.”

 

Ignoring the tug at the corner of his mouth at the appearance of her usual spark, he stood and offered her his hand. “Home. Now. And I’m alerting security that you’re not allowed in until nine am.”

 

After a moment, he asked quietly, “Do you need a ride?”

 

Standing and stretching, she gathered her fallen purse. “I’m okay. Thank you though.”

 

She placed one hand on the doorknob, then looked back. “Thanks for everything, Ben,” she added quietly, and he did his very best to ignore his stomach’s somersaults at how his birth name sounded on her lips.

 

“Any time,” he offered sincerely, surprising both of them.

 

With one last glance, she closed the door behind her, and he watched through the vertical window parallel to his door as she wiped her eyes and walked to the elevator, the office already feeling emptier without her.

 

Sitting heavily in his chair, trying to ignore the tingling in his hand and the scent of vanilla and brown sugar lingering around him, he ran his hand across his face and wondered why it felt like the world had somehow shifted beneath him.

 

…

 

The next morning, right at 9 o’clock (so maybe she had gotten to the parking lot at 8:30 and waited half an hour, but lazing about at home while Ben was definitely at work made her antsy), she strolled into the office, slightly relieved that no one was giving her strange or overly sympathetic looks from her absence yesterday.

 

As she came out of the elevator, she suddenly stopped at the beautiful arrangement of flowers adorning the corner of her desk. There were white lilies, pink carnations, bronze chrysanthemums, large purple flowers and a smaller vermilion blooms, and no card anywhere. Sitting down slowly, she noticed a Starbucks cup, still hot, labeled ‘White Chocolate Mocha’ in front of her keyboard. Frowning in confusion, because not even Finn knew her guilty pleasure coffee order, she swivelled her chair around to peer in through Ben’s window.

 

Almost as if he could sense it, he looked up and met her incredulous gaze. She glanced at her coffee and flowers, then pointed at him questioningly. He gave a half-embarrassed shrug, then glanced back down at his work. A few moments later, he peeked back up and saw her watching him with overbright eyes, as she took a long breath and mouthed, “Thank you.”

 

Fighting the odd tightness in his chest, he nodded gruffly, then went back to his computer screen. But every now and then, he’d see her turn to answer the phone or greet a visitor, then catch sight of the flowers. Every time, she stroked the vase softly with a secret, warm smile, which made his heart rate suddenly increase for no apparent reason.

 

“Too much coffee,” he muttered, burying himself in work.

 

Then, after pulling up what looked a page on the meaning of flowers, she turned around and gave him a tearful, brilliant smile, one that didn’t just speed up his heart, but caused it to skip a beat altogether, startling him enough to knock over his pen jar.

 

As he grabbed at the escaped pens and pencils, feeling the heat creep over his face, he decided then and there:

 

Definitely too much caffeine.

 

(He refused to consider any other, more… _humiliating_ reasons.)

 

* * *

 

Benjamin means “son of my sorrow”

 

Tynan is Irish for "darkness"

 

-

 

A white stargazer lily symbolizes sympathy.

 

A pink carnation stands for remembrance.

 

The purple hyacinth is a popular symbol of sorrow.

 

Chrysanthemums are often used as an expression of support or encouragement.

 

The gladiolus is a beautiful representation of strength and character.


	4. Appearances

* * *

 

 

One morning, Rey walked into the break room only to be greeted with the same sight Finn must have had all those months ago; a lost looking girl, holding a First Order mug and staring helplessly at the array of creams and sugars.

 

“Hi!” She said, extending her hand. “I’m Rey. You must be new.”

 

The girl turned and shook her hand gratefully in return. “I’m Rose, and yes I am. You wouldn’t happen to know how Mr. Hux takes his coffee?”

 

Rey grinned and pointed to the far left of the counter. “Hux takes tea, actually. Early grey, boiling hot, two squeezes of lemon.”

 

Rose frowned. “Lemon?”

 

“Don’t ask me,” Rey shrugged. “I think it’s gross.”

 

“Actually, do ask her,” Finn joked as he joined them. “What Rey doesn’t know isn’t worth knowing.”

 

“Lies. Flattering lies, but lies nonetheless,” Rey teased, then gestured to the Asian girl. “Rose, this is Finn.”

 

Finn shook her hand with a dazzling smile. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Rose stood shock still, then mumbled, “Nice. I mean, you’re nice. No! I mean, I’m sure you are, I just meant that it’s nice. To meet you. Too.”

 

Biting back a laugh at Rose’s blush and Finn’s befuddlement, Rey tried to help. “He is, actually. Very nice. He was my first friend here, and he’s knows the ins and outs of this place. He’s part of Phasma’s army, and Rose here just joined Hux’s group.”

 

Rose looked between them. “Does every exec have a team of people? I mean, I know First Order is one of the biggest ad agencies, but it seems kind of extreme.”

 

“Just Phasma, Hux, and Snoke.” Finn told her, then pointed. “Rey is Kylo Ren’s entire team in one package, though. Mostly because everyone else is too scared to do it.”

 

Eyes widening, Rose whispered, “You work for Kylo Ren?”

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “He’s not that bad. You just need to know how to handle-”

 

“Hey!”

 

Finn and Rose jumped at the sudden looming appearance of Kylo, framed by the break room’s doorway, while Rey sighed and glanced behind her.

 

“We’re not paying you to gossip over coffee,” he glowered, causing the other two assistants to take a wary step back.

 

“Actually, company policy stipulates a paid fifteen minute break per every four hours worked, so technically, yes. You are paying us to do just that.”

 

He frowned. “You can take a break after I get-”

 

“Hraki Motor’s latest revisions? Already on your desk.”

 

“No, I want-”

 

“Atlas Corp’s latest design proofs, which are to the _left_ of Hraki Motor’s latest revisions?”

 

“Oh.” That gave him pause for a moment, then he added, “Well, what about my-”

 

“Coffee? Right-hand corner of your keyboard.”

 

They stared at each other for a moment, then Kylo let out a huff of breath. “Fine. But don’t dawdle.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Rey told him with a oddly fond smile, which seemed to disconcert him enough to spin on his heel and walk away, the nape of his neck slowly turning red.

 

Rey turned back to her friends to see their jaws practically on the floor.

 

“Oh my God, you were not kidding,” Rose whispered, something akin to hero worship in her eyes.

 

“Damn, girl!” Finn said with a clap on her back. “You got him trained good!”

 

“Again Finn, I’m just good at my job. I haven’t trained anyone to do anything.” She turned to Rose with a smile. “It was nice to meet you, Rose, and if you have any questions, feel free to IM me.”

 

“Thank you! I will!”

 

…

 

The next day, Kylo greeted her with a grunt, took the proffered coffee and ignored her as she ran through his schedule, until he froze at the sight of his desk.

 

“What.” He asked in a low voice. “Is that.”

 

Rey blinked, then glanced down. “Well, from what I can tell, it’s a package. Addressed to you. Hence why it’s on your desk.”

 

“I mean, why is it covered in wrapping paper?”

 

Shrugging, Rey responded, “Possibly because it’s a birthday gift from your mom?”

 

He whirled towards her. “How the hell do you know that?”

 

Rey frowned at him, then pointed at the card on top. “Well, I saw the ‘Happy Birthday Ben, from Mom’ and took a leap of faith.”

 

He picked it up and tried to shove it into his small trash can. “This is my personal mail. You shouldn’t be looking at it.”

 

“You do know that part of my job is literally opening your mail, right? How do you think those letters get so nicely piled on your desk? The mail fairy?”

 

Still attempting to smash the rectangular box into the circular bin, he snapped, “I don’t care. That's not my name anymore, I don’t have a family anymore, and I definitely don’t want any of their junk!”

 

Biting her lip, Rey watched his next few attempts to crush the gift into the trash, then asked, “Would you like me to throw that away for you?”

 

He glared at her, then huffed in defeat as he handed it over.

 

“On a completely unrelated note,” she began in a suspiciously innocent voice, “What is your favorite flavor?”

 

“Of what?” He growled, kicking his trash over in retribution.

 

“Of life.” Rey told him sarcastically, which made him look up and frown at her. “Of cake, obviously.”

 

Kylo’s eyes widened. “Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s a flavor.”

 

“Those idiots over in the ‘company morale’ group have been trying to find out my birthday for years, and they’re not going to find out now. No one knows when it is and I’m keeping it that way.”

 

“It’s November 19th,” Rey told him, tilting her head in confusion as to why he was overreacting.

 

He paled. “How do you know that?”

 

“I’ve seen your passport, booked you multiple flights, and you had me renew your driver’s license a month ago.”

 

She wisely refrained from adding a “Duh,” to the end of her sentence, but it hung in the air anyways.

 

“Well, I don’t have a birthday, and I would rather be raked over hot coals than to let those morons throw a company party.”

 

“It’s not really for you, it’s an excuse for people to hang out in the conference room and eat cake. No one will even remember-”

 

“I said no. End of discussion.”

 

But it wasn’t.

 

“So, I’m guessing carrot cake is out?” Rey’s voice asked through his intercom before she patched Kuat’s rep through.

 

“I said no!”

 

When she brought in the Correllian’s ratings report, she guessed, “Vanilla with buttercream frosting?”

 

“Leave!”

 

The next morning she handed his coffee with a single word. “Funfetti?”

 

“I will end you,” he hissed, annoyed that she simply tossed her hair and laughed at him.

 

(That hair toss did things to him. Terrible, awful things made all the worse by the things being not so terrible at all.)

 

“Alright, I get it. No company party, no cake, no gifts from your non-existent family. Nothing associated with joy whatsoever.”

 

“Finally.” He muttered, sipping his coffee. “Can we please focus on work?”

 

“Sure! Snoke’s assistant called and wants to emphasize the importance of your appearance at the new HQ party next Friday.”

 

Kylo’s head snapped up with a look of disgust. “No. I would rather shit a porcupine.”

 

“That’s what I told her, albeit in different words. I said you’d rather have front row seats to Nickelback.”

 

He frowned. “I don’t know what that means.”

 

“I figured. Anyway, she ignored that and told me that Snoke himself insisted that you be there, and there would be, and I quote, consequences” she drawled the word in an overdramatic spooky voice, “if you did not attend.”

 

Growling in frustration, he ran his hand through his hair and kicked his trash can viciously. “Snoke insisted?” He repeated through his hands.

 

“That’s what she told me, yes.” Rey replied sympathetically.

 

He let out a long sigh, then glared at his phone as if it was at fault. “Fine. Fine, fine, _fine._ Pick up my gray-blue suit from the cleaners, and tell Marco that it needs to be hemmed a quarter inch in the leg. Do you have something presentable?”

 

“Presentable?” Rey repeated, unsure if she should be offended or afraid.

 

“Yes. If I have to be there, so do you. If you don’t have something, buy one.” He frowned at his computer screen and murmured bitterly, “Snoke values appearances.”

 

“Suit, hem, presentable. Got it. Anything else?”

 

“Yes. Get me two-” He looked up to see her holding two aspirin pills in her hand. Grabbing them tiredly, he swallowed them with his coffee and another sigh. “Alright. Has Corsignis Property Alliance sent over their contract revisions yet?”

 

“Right here. Their main issue is the deadline limitations, highlighted for you on page 54.” Rey came around next to him, placed the contract on his desk and opened it to the small blue sticky note which Kylo tried very, very hard not to act like he was breathing differently around her.

 

…

 

“Okay, Finn, spill the beans on this party. What is it? How nice? What’s the dress code?”

 

“There’s a party?” Rose asked excitedly as they sat at their regular breakroom table. “Can I come?”

 

“Yeah! I mean, everyone in the company is invited. We just finished renovating the whole building a couple months ago, and used a lot of clients’ products to do so, so it’s kind of a show off the new look thing. It’s moderately black tie, so suits and stuff versus tuxes. I don’t know what that means for girls.”

 

“I was told I needed to look ‘presentable’,” Rey said, rolling her eyes.

 

“I’ve got a LBD I’ve had for years that might work,” Rose mused aloud as Finn looked confused.

 

Rey smiled. “You can never go wrong with an LBD,”

 

“A what now? Since when do girls have codes?”

 

“It’s a little black dress, and Coco Chanel believed it was a vital piece in any woman’s closet.” Rose told him, then added, “and girls have always had codes.”

 

“I might have something? Maybe?” Rey tried to visualize her closet. “Hey, Rose, want to go shopping with me?”

 

“What?! Me?! Shopping? You! I mean,” she coughed and brought her voice down an octave. “Sure, I mean, whatever. If that’s cool.”

 

That Saturday, as they were browsing through scandalous dress after scandalous dress, Rose looked through the rack of clothes and smiled, “Thanks again for inviting me.”

 

“Of course! Us admin girls gotta stick together.” Rey told her, wincing at a loud neon green print.

 

Rose held out a bright pink chiffon dress, then put it back at Rey’s headshake. “So, you and Finn seem pretty close,” she attempted to ask casually.

 

“Yeah. He was my first real friend here, and he’s one of the nice people at the First Order. Besides you, of course.”

 

“So you guys are… friends? You… talk about things?”

 

Rey shrugged. “I mean, I guess? We mostly complain about Ren or Phasma and then talk about the Great British Bake Off or HGTV.”

 

“Such a good show!” Rose agreed, then stared at a sherbert orange tube top and mumbled, “So you don’t talk about his girlfriend? Or boyfriend, if I’m reading him wrong?”

 

Laughing, Rey shook her head. “We both complain about being single too. How it sucks, but not so bad that we want to brave online dating.”

 

“Cool cool cool cool. Good, good. That’s good to know.” Rose nodded so hard Rey was afraid her head was going to fall off.

 

“Why? Do you guys not talk?”

 

“We talk about work stuff, usually. And you.” Rey glanced at the other girl as she forlornly studied a multi-colored paisley outfit. “He talks a lot about you.”

 

Rey waved her hand dismissively. “It’s because he’s super sweet, that’s all. He was just telling me that you’re doing a great job on Hux’s team.”

 

That seemed to perk her up considerably. “He said that? Really?”

 

“Yeah! Especially since Hux is not the easiest person to work for.”

 

“You should talk. You’re the only one managing everything for Kylo Ren. I have no clue how you do it.”

 

“He just needs someone to stand up to him. And maybe pull his tail every now and then. Now if I could only figure out what he means by presentable…”

 

“What about this?” Rose asked, holding out a glittering blue dress.

 

Rey smiled, “Oh, that could definitely work.”

 

…

 

Shifting her glass of champagne to her other hand, Rey checked her phone again.

 

“Damnit, where is he?” She hissed at Rose, looking around and trying to smile at the hundreds of strangers at this party. “He said he was coming."

 

“Then I’m sure he is. Traffic must be bad, is all,” Rose told her, rubbing Rey’s arm soothingly.

 

Finn bounded up with his signature smile. “Evening ladies! You both look fabulous.”

 

Beaming widely, Rose tugged at her dress and asked, “You really think so?”

 

“Absolutely! And Rey, that blue really works with your skin tone.” He took a sip, then glanced around. “Where’s your boss hiding?”

 

Rey growled in frustration as Rose shot him a dark look.

 

“What’d I say?” Finn asked, wounded at their reactions.

 

“Miss Niima,” a dry voice called from the side, and they all turned to see Snoke’s executive assistant looking down her nose at them. “You informed me that Mr. Ren would be attending. And yet, I do not see him here.”

 

“Hello Barbara, and he will be. His car is simply running late,” Rey told her with a plastered-on smile.

 

The older woman sniffed, then sailed away to bother someone else.

 

“I swear when he gets here, I am going to kill him.” Rey promised, gulping down half her drink.

 

“There!” Rose pointed to the entrance. “Told you he would be here.”

 

“Oh thank God,” she gushed in relief, trying to casually hurry towards him. He was taking in the number of people, his nose wrinkling in obvious disdain.

 

“Where the hell have you been?” she hissed through her teeth as she came up beside him. “Barbara has been hovering over my shoulder like a hundred year old mosquito.”

 

“Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come-” he started in a bored voice, then froze suddenly as he actually looked at her.

 

“What? Why are you staring?”

 

He finally met her gaze. “I… that’s… I haven’t seen you wear that… color. Before.”

 

Rey glanced down at her dark blue dress, checking again that the sweetheart neckline wasn’t too revealing or that the bottom hadn’t been hiked up past her knees, then raised an eyebrow at him. “Pretty sure I’ve worn blue before.”

 

“Not like that,” he said in a very odd voice, a blush creeping up his neck. Coughing, he grabbed a drink from a waiter and downed the whole thing. “Alright, who do I need to toady up to?” He asked her, back to his normal grumpy tone.

 

“The Corellian rep is here and wants to introduce you to his boss and head of marketing. Kuat Citywear was promised at least two drinks with you and Kashyyyk sent over four of their top managers to admire the new place, so Phasma volunteered you to give them a tour. There will also be dancing later and the Corsignis Property Alliance CEO has been heard bragging about how she’s going to quote ‘dance with the tall, smoldering one until I drop’, unquote, so maybe keep away from her.”

 

Kylo shuddered, then grabbed another drink. “I hate these things.”

 

“No time for hate, only time for smiling. Here’s the Corellian rep, Emilio Bey, dark hair and mustache, and his boss, Sosha Soruna, lady in the green dress, and the head of marketing, L'ulo L'ampar.” She straightened his jacket and wondered why he tensed at her touch. “Now go and be the charming person I know you can probably pretend to be!”

 

…

 

Hours later, as the dances slowed and the people started to trickle away, Kylo glanced up from his discussion with the head of his design team, and realized Rey was nowhere to be found. He saw that one Asian girl staring at the Traitor as he danced with one of Phasma’s other admins, but no Rey anywhere.

 

“Probably escaped while she could,” he muttered to himself as he slipped out and headed for his desk. As the elevator doors opened, he thought he saw light flickering through the windows.

 

“I swear, if the interns are sneaking into my office again, there will be hell-” He swung the door open and blinked in surprise.

 

“Bloody hell!” Rey jumped about a foot in the air, then held a hand to her chest as she shot him a look. “You nearly scared me half to death!”

 

He glanced between her and his monitor. “What are you doing here?”

 

Rey tensed, then shrugged a little. “Hiding,” she confessed sheepishly.

 

Kylo frowned in confusion. “From who?”

 

“One of Hux’s staff is a little too forward for my taste,” she explained, half-embarrassed. “Figured I’d get some work done while I was here, and I didn’t want him to spot me at my desk. I hope you don’t mind.”

 

“What’s his name?” Kylo demanded in an icy tone.

 

“You don’t know him.”

 

“Trust me, I will.” He answered with menacing promise.

 

Rey sighed. “I’m not telling you his name.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I want him to get a warning from HR, not a punch in the face,” she told him with an odd sort of fondness.

 

He stood there a moment, then offered, “Could always punch him in the gut.”

 

Rey laughed, then gave him a small smile that definitely did not do things to his chest. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” She glanced behind him, then asked, “What are you doing here?”

 

He sank into the corner chair and rubbed his face. “Hiding.”

 

She watched him with gentle warmth. “Not a fan of crowds?”

 

“Not a fan of being touted around as if I’m an object,” he replied bitterly, then drank the rest of his champagne and murmured softly, “That was most of my childhood.”

 

Blinking, Rey turned towards him, surprised at this first mention of his personal life.

 

“Having famous parents, all anyone wanted to do was use me. They paraded me around like I was a prize bull, girls trying to flirt with me so they could say they caught the eye of the Senator’s son, boys trying to befriend me so they could meet my dad.” He studied the remaining droplets in the glass.

 

“No one ever saw me for me. Never cared to.”

 

“I know a bit of what that’s like,” Rey responded quietly, startling him out of his reverie. “No one really caring who you are outside of your circumstances.”

 

Their eyes met for a long second, then she broke into a grin and said, “It sucks.”

 

He chuckled, then leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Yeah. It sucks.”

 

She smiled at him again, then collected her purse. “Well, it’s late, and I answered the emails I needed to. Do you want me to leave it on?”

 

Kylo shook his head. “No. It’s fine. I’ll walk you out.”

 

“Thanks. Let me just shut it down.” She told him, clicking away at the screen until it went dark.

 

As he walked alongside her, trying very hard not to notice the scent of her perfume, how the sleeveless straps showed off her arms, how the neckline framed her collarbone and the perfect amount of cleavage, how he could see the toned muscles of her bare back as she walked, he missed the flash of intense guilt that crossed her face as she glanced back at his office.

 

He walked her to her car, making sure the engine turned on before he gave her a gruff “Goodnight,” and headed towards his sleek Silencer.

 

“Night! And thanks!” She called after him, and he settled for a small wave of acknowledgement.

 

Promising himself that he wouldn’t look back (because that would be too… needy? Presumptuous? Weak? Too something, anyway), he missed the way she bit her lip, and her soft murmur, whispered to his retreated form.

 

“Sorry, Ben.”


	5. Gifts

The following Monday, Kylo marched past her desk, and grabbed his coffee, about to head into his office and imbibe his caffeine in peace for ten minutes before she burst in with the day’s schedule, when he suddenly stopped, hand on the knob, and backtracked to stare at the corner of her desk.

 

“What the hell is that?” He demanded.

 

Rey glanced over at the small golden robot with a clock for a body, caterpillar tracks for wheels, and a clear domed top. “It’s a robot. He tells the time, and he’s adorable!”

 

“I mean, where did you get it?”

 

She widened her eyes, then stared at her computer. “I… can’t say.”

 

“Is that the gift from my mother?”

 

“I thought you said you didn’t have a mother?” Rey countered, then watched his face contort as he tried to come up with a response.

 

“Fine. Keep the trash gift. Who cares, anyway,” he growled, marching into his office.

 

His ten minute Monday peace was now ruined by the fact that Rey had clearly intentionally set the robot so that every time he looked through his window, the little gold bugger was staring directly at him.

 

After a few hours, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Can you move that thing?” He muttered into his intercom.

 

“Huh?” Rey asked absent-mindedly while stapling.

 

“Move it.”

 

“Move what?”

 

He frowned. “You know what.”

 

“Pretty sure I don’t,” she said, tapping papers on her desk to straighten them.

 

He glared at his phone, then looked up to glare at her back as she continued answering emails, oblivious to his scowl. Biting his lip, he tried to figure out how to ask her again without sounding like a petulant child.

 

After rolling his eyes at Hux’s latest email, he left his office to give the ginger bastard a piece of his mind and gave her a curt, “I want that gone by the time I get back,” then marched off before she could respond.

 

An hour later, he came back and glowered at the small gold robot sitting on the edge of her desk, still in the same spot.

 

“I told you to get rid of that,” he told her, pointing in disdain.

 

Rey blinked at him. “You didn’t say what you wanted gone, and you walked away before I could ask.”

 

“Now you listen here-” he started, stabbing his finger at her warningly.

 

“Happy birthday, by the way!” She interrupted with a smile.

 

He froze, then glanced around. “Keep your voice down!” He hissed, then tried sound commanding, “and I said that you need to move that-”

 

“Doing anything special for your _birthday?”_ Rey repeated even louder, this time with a mischievous grin.

 

He shot her a glare, his scowl darkening as she simply beamed all the more.

 

“Fine.” He ceded, jerking his head at the robot clock. “Move it out of my line of sight and it can stay.”

 

Rey stuck her hand out, “Deal!”

 

After he rolled his eyes, he shook her hand and watched her shift the gold decoration to the opposite side of her desk.

 

“Why do you hate your birthday so much anyway?” She asked, tilting her head curiously.

 

Shrugging self-consciously, he started sifting through her pens. “It’s just always been a complete disaster. My parents either turned it into a giant press thing or completely ignored it.”

 

Rey’s eyes filled with sympathy. “No happy birthdays ever?”

 

Shaking off the bad memories, Kylo shook his head. “Not that I can recall.” He stood up straight and fixed her with a firm stare. “That’s why no celebrating anything - got it?”

 

Biting her lip in ill-concealed amusement, Rey nodded solemnly, “Got it,” then winked.

 

He stopped. “Hey, I mean it. Nothing.”

 

“Totally understand,” she agreed, then winked again.

 

“Stop that!”

 

“Stop what?” She asked with another wink.

 

“You know- just- _nevermind!”_ He shouted as he stormed back into his office, ignoring Rey’s giggles behind him.

 

…

 

The rest of the day passed in suspicious anxiety, Kylo jumping a little any time his phone rang or someone passed by or tried to talk to him.

 

At 5:00, Rey poked her head into his office. “Hey, are you leaving soon?”

 

He kept working on his emails. “No. Why?”

 

“Okay, just wondering.”

 

Her guileless tone made his head snap up in alarm.

 

“Why?”

 

“No reason. Go back to your typing.”

 

“Rey-” He called out warningly and she popped back in.

 

“Okay, close your eyes.”

 

“No.”

 

“Please?”

 

“Not on your life.”

 

She gave him a petulant sigh. “Would you just- come on. For me?”

 

He flicked his eyes up from his screen and immediately regretted it. Her large hazel green eyes had far more impact on his defensives that he cared to admit.

 

“Fine. I swear, if this is a surprise party-”

 

“Trust me. Now close your eyes. No peeking.”

 

Reluctantly, muttering to himself about why on earth he was even entertaining such a ridiculous request, he heard his door open again, then a soft shuffle as something was placed on his desk.

 

“Alright everyone!” Rey whispered, “Happy Birthday on three! One, two-”

 

He opened his eyes in panic. “Rey, I swear to God-” he shouted, then stopped.

 

Rey (and only Rey) stood in his office with a bemused smile. “Surprise! No one here.”

 

Letting out a relieved breath, he looked down to see a dark cupcake with ‘Happy Birthday’ written across it in red frosting and a single candle flickering on his desk.

 

“I figured you were a chocolate on chocolate kinda guy,” Rey told him softly as he stared at the small confection. “I added chocolate chips in there too.”

 

He looked up. “You made this?”

 

“Only if you like it.” Before he could respond, she shoved a gift bag across his desk. “Here, open it.”

 

“I don’t like gifts.” Kylo told her, poking at the black and red tissue.

 

“I know. I just have a feeling you’ll like this one.”

 

Giving her a dubious look, he reached into the bag and pulled out a rubber ball with a picture of Hux printed on both sides.

 

He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her as she laughed. “I know sometimes you want to smash Hux’s face against the wall, so now you can.”

 

Blinking, Kylo looked over, then tossed the ball so it hit the soft wall, then bounced off the floor and back up into his hand.

 

“Huh,” he said finally, and Rey beamed as if he had squealed with joy. “Not bad.”

 

“And I’ve got another gift for you.” Rey announced with a proud grin. “Any time we’re at a client party, you give me a signal, and I will come up to whoever you’re talking to and pull you away for an emergency conference call with Dreadnaught Enterprises.”

 

He frowned. “How is that a- wait. There’s no such company as Dreadnaught Enterprises.”

 

“You know that. And I know that.” She leaned forward with a conspiratorial whisper, “But no one else does.”

 

As he stared at her, feeling strangely overwhelmed by the fact that someone had noticed how much he hated parties and had come up with a way to help him. Categorizing the sudden churning of his stomach as fumes from the cheap birthday candle, he coughed and shook his head to snap himself out of it.

 

“Okay, make a wish.”

 

“What?”

 

“The candle’s getting wax all over the cupcake. Make a wish and blow it out.” She told him, gesturing to the small dancing flame.

 

Realizing it was pointless to argue with her, he took a breath, then quickly blew the candle out, shooting her a look when she clapped for him.

 

“Alright, alright. Can I get back to work now?” He said pointedly.

 

Rey laughed. “If you like.” She stopped at the door, hand on the knob, and looked back. “Sorry that your birthdays have always been so awful.”

 

He shrugged a little. “Well. I mean. I guess this one hasn’t been a _total_ disaster.”

 

Her sudden, surprised smile somehow made breathing far more difficult. “Really?”

 

“Yet,” he amended, fighting a blush. “Although I haven’t seen Corsignis Property Alliance ratings report on my desk-”

 

“Printing now. Give me two seconds,” she interrupted amiably, opening the door. Before she closed it, she looked over at him with a small, gentle smile.

 

“Happy Birthday, Ben. I hope it’s a good one.”

 

As the door shut quietly behind her, he stared at it for a long time, taking a tentative bite of the cupcake. Slightly surprised at how good it was, he took a larger bite and murmured softly to himself.

 

“Already is.”

 

…

 

“...So then there’s the Joruba Consortium meeting with Hux at 10,” she informed him, ignoring his groan. “And Crait Salt sent over their revisions this morning.”

 

“Finally!” He remarked, reaching out to grab the stack of papers and then freezing in disgust as she sneezed all over his hand.

 

“Sorry sorry sorry!” Rey told him, handing him a bottle of hand sanitizer and holding a tissue to her face as she sneezed three more times.

 

“Do you have the plague?” He asked her, noticing her red eyes and pale complexion for the first time.

 

“Most people say ‘Bless you’ when someone sneezes, I’ll have you know.” She told him primly as she tossed the tissues in his trash can.

 

“It’s a dumb tradition left over from a stupid myth about one’s soul being exposed to the devil when they sneezed,” he responded, lathering sanitizer over both his hands. “And you shouldn’t be here if you’re sick.”

 

“It’s just a cold,” she sniffed. “Plus, Thanksgving’s tomorrow. I’ll survive til then.”

 

“I’m not worried about your survival, I’m worried about mine! You’re clearly sick and probably contagious. Go home.”

 

“I have like fifty emails to get through before I can even think about that,” she responded, then sneezed twice and looked up to see Kylo had wheeled his chair to the far side of the office and was covering his face with his jacket.

 

“Seriously?” She demanded, then leaned on his desk as her face paled.

 

He scooted forward cautiously. “Rey? You alright?”

 

“I’m-” she started, then shook her head. “Actually, maybe I’ll just answer twenty and then take the rest of the day off.”

 

He found the fact that she had actually agreed with him extremely concerning. “Go home now.”

 

“You don’t understand, I still have to reserve the conference rooms and order coffee and-” she was interrupted by a long bout of coughing.

 

“Make a list of what needs to be done and forward me the critical emails. Now leave so I can disinfect your desk.”

 

“Ha. Ha.” She deadpanned, then blew her nose and conceded, “Okay, ten emails and the list and I am out.”

 

“If you’re here after half an hour, I’m calling security.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes at him, then made her way back to her desk as Kylo watched her with worried eyes.

 

Twenty-nine minutes later, she reappeared, checklist in hand, “Okay, I listed them in order of importance, so if you can get these first two done, that should honestly be good. And I’ll have my phone, so I can check any new emails that come in-”

 

“They can wait,” Kylo told her firmly, glancing at her list. “If anyone gives you flak, send them to me.”

 

Rey gave him a sniffly smile, then asked, “What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

 

“Work.” He answered shortly. “It’s an idiotic holiday to spin the atrocities the Pilgrims and every generation after committed against the indigenous peoples. I refuse to celebrate it.”

 

“Oh.” Rey took a moment to process that, then offered, “You know, Finn invited me and a few other people over to his place, so if you don’t have anywhere to go-”

 

“I’m going to work. End of discussion.” He glanced at his clock, then pointed to the door. “And you’re going home. Also end of discussion.”

 

“Alright. Well, if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you have a nice Thursday.” Rey wished him with a smile and a cough.

 

…

 

Kylo tried to treat the next day as if it was any other Thursday. He followed his usual morning routine, took his usual route to work, walked out of the elevator ready to fully enjoy the absence of everyone else in the building.

 

But unbeknownst to him, his routine had changed.

 

He had never been quite so aware of how many times he looked through his window to see her sitting at her desk until she wasn’t there. Or how good she was at knowing when he needed more coffee until his cup was cold and bitter. Or how often he called her in to get her input, or make a decision, or talk through the latest drama with Hux.

 

It was eerie, having silence surround him. She was always typing, or playing music, or answering the phone, or chatting with that Traitor or that one other girl. Part of him missed the soothing undercurrent of her voice right outside his door.

 

If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear her voice. And her music.

 

_“Who run the world? Girls! We run this motha!”_

 

Wait. That was real music. Coming from her desk.

 

He poked his head out to hear the same chorus repeat along with a grating vibration of metal on metal. Frowning, he saw a phone with a cream and gold case sitting on her desk, the screen suddenly lighting up as whoever it was called again.

 

“What?!” He snapped into the phone, on edge from the silence and her absence and the general unpleasantness of being alone on the holidays.

 

“Oh my God, Ben! Where are you?” Rey’s voice responded in relief.

 

“I’m at work. Where are you?”

 

“Oh thank God. I was so scared I lost it or dropped it or it got stolen or-”

 

“Rey. Breathe.”

 

“Sorry. I’m at home, and I realized I didn’t have it just this morning, and my neighbor is being a absolute saint by letting me borrow his phone. Thank you again, Snap.”

 

The last bit was clearly directed to someone next to her and Kylo instinctively bristled at the deep masculine voice in the background responding happily, “No problem at all!”

 

(A little _too_ happily, in his opinion.)

 

“Okay, let me think, I can come get it as soon as the Nyquil wears off. I took some at…  3 am maybe? And it lasts-”

 

“Hey,” The neighbor interrupted. “If you need a ride, I can totally-”

 

“No!” Kylo found himself barking vehemently into the phone. Wincing, he lowered his voice and continued, “No, I… I can bring it to you.”

 

There was a surprised silence, then Rey asked incredulously, “Really? But you’re at work.”

 

“Well…” He scrambled for a vaguely reasonable excuse. “I’m heading out to get… coffee.”

 

“Can’t you get some from the breakroom?”

 

Shit. “You’re the only one who can find where these morons hide everything.”

 

“Well I can tell you where things are. The mugs are in the cupboard to the left of-”

 

“No, it’s- It’s fine. No one’s answering emails anyway. Tell me your address so we can get this over with.”

 

He could practically hear Rey roll her eyes. “Okay Mr. Grumpy Gills, I’m number 138 at the Lucas Ranch Apartments on Pine and 15th.”

 

“Got it. I’ll be there soon.”

 

As he hung up the phone and collected his things, he feel oddly relieved. As much as he hated to admit it, being at the office today (alone) felt… wrong. Like he should be somewhere else.

 

 _(Or_ **_with_ ** _someone else?_ An internal voice that sounded too much like his younger self asked wryly.)

 

He studiously ignored the stupid voice, but couldn’t shake the warm anticipation that lightened his step and lengthened his stride as he made his way to ~~her~~ -

 

 _To his **car** , _ he mentally corrected a second too late.

 

 _(Sure, buddy,_ the voice seemed to chuckle. _Keep telling yourself that.)_

 

“I will,” he muttered out loud, drawing looks from the two security guards on duty.

 

The second he got in his Silencer, he floored the gas in an effort to leave that idiotic, annoying, and completely and totally _wrong_ voice behind him.

 

(At least, that’s what he told himself.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The adorable robot clock Leia got Kylo is here - https://cdn.luxatic.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/MBF-Sherman-Happy-Robot-Limited-Edition-Clock-7.jpg


	6. Gestures

([Incredibly fabulous moodboard](http://rebelrebelreylo.tumblr.com/post/176934435398/edit-for-getting-personal-by) created by the insanely talented [RebelRebel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelRebel))

 

Rey rushed to the door as soon as she head the first knock. She flung it open to reveal Kylo with his hand still up, about to knock again.

 

“Uh-” He stared, somewhat taken aback at her more casual state of dress in a soft, raggedy t-shirt and grey yoga pants, complemented by three loose buns and a red nose.

 

“Finally!” She shouted, snatching her phone out of his other hand, the plastic bags on his arm rustling in protest. “I mean, thank you. Of course. Please come in,” she added all in one breath, scrolling through her notifications and then holding her phone to her ear.

 

“Finn! I know, I know, I left my phone at work. Look, I just got it back, and I can barely make it across my apartment without falling over. I’m so sorry but I think I have to cancel…”

 

Her voice faded as she wandered into another room, leaving Kylo standing awkwardly in the doorway. He hesitantly stepped inside, looking around curiously at this first glimpse into Rey’s personal life.

 

Her apartment was small, but bright, with yellow and grey accents amidst the cream walls. As he set the plastic bags down on her kitchen counter, he couldn’t help but contrast it to his own place, full of black and chrome minimalist designs. While he always thought his apartment looked sleek and efficient, hers, with her knick-knacks and flowers and photos, felt different. Felt warm.

 

 _Feels like home,_ his internal voice observed before Kylo could escape the thought.

 

“Sorry about that!” Rey chirruped with an apologetic smile as she came back to the main room. “Classic millennial, lost without my phone.”

 

Kylo half-shrugged, unsure how their relationship worked on her turf. “Not going to Thanksgiving?” He asked, guessing at the subject of her hurried phone call.

 

“No,” Rey groaned, then blew her nose with a loud honk. “I’ve barely been able to function today, even with generous doses of Dayquil, and I don’t want to sneeze on Rose’s homemade stuffing.”

 

“Oh,” he managed, not quite sure why part of him felt pleased. “I, uh, I… brought you something.”

 

Blinking in surprise, Rey seemed to notice the bags on the counter for the first time. “Oh, you didn’t have to-”

 

She slowly pulled out a warm, circular styrofoam container. “Is this-”

 

“It’s soup.” Kylo explained self-consciously. “There’s a deli near my place that makes decent chicken noodle and I figured-”

 

“You brought me soup?” Rey asked with a curious tilt of her head.

 

“I… I’ve heard that it’s helpful in fighting colds and I don’t want to deal with those morons by myself any more than I have to.” He grumbled, aiming for a misanthropic tone.

 

Biting her lip (which most certainly did not do anything to his stomach. Or his face. Or anything else.), Rey gave him a warm, genuinely touched smile. “You got me soup.”

 

Shifting his weight, he felt the tips of his ears turning red, so in a burst of motion, he stepped forward to grab the container. “Look, it was stupid and I’ll throw it-”

 

“Don’t you dare!” Rey sidestepped him neatly for being so ill, clutching the container to her chest with a teasing grin. “It’s mine. My own. My… precious,” she suddenly warned him in a hissing voice.

 

Kylo frowned. “What?”

 

Rey matched his expression, then pointed to the tv. Kylo turned to see an older man with curly hair looking at his fist and muttering, “My own. My _precious_ ,” in a voice eerily similar to the one Rey mimicked.

 

“Okay, I know I’m a giant nerd, but it’s the best comfort film ever. Or comfort films, if you want to get technical,” she told him, carefully pouring some of the soup into a bowl.

 

He stared at her blankly. “Which is…?”

 

She raised an eyebrow and stated in an obvious tone, “Lord of the Rings? AKA the best film series ever?”

 

“Oh.” He glanced at the tv. “Those are the really long fantasy movies, right?”

 

When he was answered by only silence, he turned to see Rey gaping at him as if he had grown horns. “What?”

 

“Have you not seen Lord of the Rings?” She asked in a low, incredulous voice.

 

He shrugged. “Never had time to watch all four or however many there are.”

 

“There are three and we are fixing this right. Now.” Rey ran to the couch and found the remote under a mountain of pillows and tissues. “Buckle in, my friend. You are in for an epic ride. Now sit.”

 

“You do know I’m your boss, right?” He asked, fighting the bemused tug at the corner of his mouth as he headed towards the couch.

 

“Not here and not today,” she announced authoritatively, putting the bowl in the microwave.

 

“Wait, what you doing?” He demanded.

 

“Introducing you to the best film series in the entire galaxy.”

 

“No, no, with the soup. You can’t microwave it.”

 

“What? Why not?”

 

“Because it doesn’t heat evenly! The bowl gets boiling hot and the soup itself stays cold.”

 

Rey shrugged. “I just keep heating it up and use a towel to take the bowl out.”

 

Kylo let out a long suffering sigh and came back around into the kitchen. “Heathen. Now do you have a saucepan?”

 

“Probably?” Rey hazarded.

 

“Go, sit. I’ll heat up the soup _properly_ , then we can watch the Lord of the Flies.”

 

“It’s Lord of the Rings and you know it!” Rey shouted back as she buried herself under two blankets and a fortress of pillows, pulling in a new box of tissues after her.

 

As the Council of Elrond played out, Kylo frowned. “Why is he quoting one of those internet things?”

 

Rey laughed from her burrow. “It’s called a meme, Ben, and this is where it’s from. Poor Boromir. They don’t even use the right screenshot for it!”

 

She hopped up to put in the second disc while he gently straightened his legs out on her coffee table.

 

“How much longer is this thing?”

 

“Well, that was disc one of the extended editions, so we’ve got about two more hours.”

 

“Two more- dear God this movie is already taking forever!”

 

“Lies.” She told him as she stretched out along the couch, her fuzzy socks now almost brushing his hip. “They could have been six hours each and I’d still want more. Plus, this is a riveting four hours. Hux’s conference calls, on the other hand, do _literally_ take forever.”

 

He glanced over to see her give him a conspiratorial wink, part of him wondering how long it had been since someone had included him in a joke.

 

Pushing that thought to the back of his mind, he tilted his head and conceded, “That’s a fair point. More popcorn?”

 

“Yes, please,” she called, then sneezed.

 

“With a side of Dayquil, I assume.” He asked, hesitantly trying to mimic her joking tone.

 

“Well you see, the bright neon flavor of the Dayquil really brings out the yellow flavor of the popcorn,” she responded in a terrible French accent.

 

“You do know that colors are not flavors, right?”

 

“Tell that to Gatorade. Speaking of-”

 

He opened the pantry door before she finished. “Purple or… cool ice? Cool ice? How is that classified as a flavor?”

 

“Because it’s delicious. Okay, hurry, it’s starting.”

 

An hour later, Kylo glanced over and chuckled a little at her closed eyes and deep breaths.

 

“Don’t watch me, watch the movie,” she mumbled, nuzzling her pillow and shoving her feet against his side.

 

“I don’t want to watch it by myself.”

 

Rey stuck out her hand and raised and lowered it at the same time as the white-clad woman on the screen. “Things that were… things that are… and some things… that have not yet come to pass,” she quoted along with Galadriel.

 

He raised a judgemental eyebrow at her. “You’ve seen this thing too many times.”

 

“No such thing.” She argued sleepily. “Plus, you haven’t even heard me quote the cast commentary for it.”

 

“I’m sorry, the _what?”_

 

“Nope. You don’t get to hear my ‘best of commentary’ until the second viewing.”

 

“So I have to sit through how many more hours and then watch it all over again?”

 

“Don’t lie,” she yawned. “You love it. I saw you tear up when Gandalf fell.”

 

“Did not.” He sulked, covertly wiping his face for any remaining tears.

 

An hour later, the Dayquil had clearly kicked in and she was sitting up, clutching her blankets and shouting at the tv, “Don’t do it Boromir! Don’t give in!”

 

Cocking his head in amusement, Kylo asked, “So does he listen to you?”

 

“Sadly, no. Even though everyone should.”

 

“Clearly.” He responded, the corner of his mouth tugging up. But even his feigned nonchalance fell away as hordes of orcs descended on the scattered Fellowship.

 

“I would have followed you,” Rey sobbed along with the dying man. “My brother. My captain. My king.”

 

He offered her a tissue while surreptitiously grabbing one for himself.

 

“Oh no, we’re gonna need more than that,” she informed him as she grabbed the box.

 

“What? Why? Does someone else die?”

 

“Yeah - my heart!”

 

He frowned, then his gaze was pulled back to the screen as Sam waded into the water.

 

_“No, Sam! I’m going to Mordor alone!”_

 

 _“Of course you are! And I’m coming with you!”_ Sam shouted, causing Rey to weep anew and Kylo to sniff softly.

 

As the credits rolled, he sudden turned to stare at her. “Wait, is that the ending? What happens next?”

 

“You have to watch the next one, that’s what,” she told him with a smile. “See! I knew you’d like it.”

 

“Alright, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” He waved his hand at her. “It wasn’t as terribly… boring as I thought it would be.”

 

“Such high praise coming from the Kylo Ren, VP of Creative Design and Business Development,” she teased, stretching her arms and cracking her neck.

 

He glanced at his watch and blinked at the time. How on earth had he been here for over six hours? Usually socializing with anyone for more than five minutes felt like an eternity.

 

Standing with the sudden realization that she probably wanted him to leave ages ago, he abruptly crashed back down as his legs buckled beneath him.

 

“Legs asleep?” Rey asked with a laugh, cleaning up the tissues and empty bowls. “Don’t worry marathon noobie, we’ll get you in fighting shape in no time at all.”

 

“I look forward to that,” he responded sarcastically, rising slowly as the pins and needles in his muscles faded.

 

He tried to straighten her sunflower throw pillows, then reached for her nest of blankets to fold them, old habits taking over.

 

“Oh, you can just leave those,” she told him after a bout of coughing. “I’m planning on only migrating between bed and couch for the entire rest of the weekend.”

 

Nodding awkwardly, he scratched the back of his neck, then slowly stepped towards the door. “Well, it’s late, so I’m just going to…”

 

“Oh! You’re leaving?” Rey asked, and he wondering if the note of disappointment was purely his imagination.

 

“Yeah, I should… I mean, you should get some rest. Take some more medicine and sleep and… whatever else you want to do.”

 

She mustered up a half-smile and followed him to the door. “Yeah, I guess I should… do those things.”

 

“Yes. You… you should.” He agreed, shifting his weight, then starting to open the door.

 

“Ben,”

 

He stopped the second his birth name left her lips, turning to watch her face as a myriad of emotions flickered across it.

 

“I just… thanks.”

 

“Thanks?” He repeated, slightly confused. “For what?”

 

“For… leaving work to bring me my phone. And for bringing me soup, and letting me make you watch my movie, and for…”

 

She scuffed her toe on the floor, then looked up at him, “For making this one of my best Thanksgivings ever.”

 

Frowning in thought, her words from earlier finally echoed in his mind about group homes and bad foster homes and her grandmother passing. He tilted his head in thought as he realized she might be as lonely as he was.

 

“Well… it’s…” he cast about for something to say, then stumbled on the truth, “One of mine too.”

 

Her slow, understanding smile suddenly made his chest tighten and his heart rate shoot up.

 

Embarrassed at how… _honest_ he was being, he felt red creeping up his neck and turned to walk away. “Okay, well, I’ll see you Monday.”

 

“Wait!”

 

Kylo glanced back, the sight of Rey in her soft t-shirt and messy buns leaning in her doorway as she called out to him doing nothing to slow the beat of his heart.

 

“Um… I just… You know how tomorrow’s a holiday too?”

 

He groaned. “Right. Two holidays.”

 

“Anyway, I… I know you probably want to get to back to work, especially since it’ll be nice and quiet with everyone gone.”

 

Normally he’d say yes, that sitting in his office alone was his dream, that he could finally get things done without interruptions, without chatter, without meaningless socialization.

 

But now-

 

Now all that came to mind was staring at the back of her empty chair as silence engulfed him.

 

“But, if… all I’m going to be doing tomorrow is watching the next two movies and ordering take-out, so… if you want… I mean, if it doesn’t sound completely awful-”

 

He opened his mouth to say that it didn’t sound awful at all when he realized that this must be a pity invite. He had been told (rightly) most of his life that no one wanted to spend time with someone who lashed out and complained and didn’t care what people thought.

 

( _You care what she thinks,_ the stupid voice pointed out, but he didn’t have time to come up with reasons why it was wrong.)

 

“I… should really get back to-”

 

“Of course! Right. Absolutely. I understand.” She said all in a rush, scratching the back of her neck. “But… the invitation’s open… if you want.”

 

Waving his hand in an awkward attempt at both dismissal and goodbye, he all but rushed down the hall to escape all of the tumultuous feelings wrestling in his stomach and the overwhelming temptation to answer her with the small, simple, monumental truth.

 

_“I do want.”_


	7. Friends

(Insanely beautiful and perfect moodboard made by the equally amazing and beautiful [midnightbluefox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightbluefox/pseuds/midnightbluefox))

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, after a night of tossing and turning and loud, unending internal debates about the sincerity of Rey’s offer (and why on earth she tolerated him at all, come to think of it), he rolled out of bed exhausted and irritated with this whole day already.

 

“She was just being nice,” he muttered to himself, rubbing his face.

 

He could almost hear the stupid voice sigh, _Or she could really care about-_

 

Then he sneezed.

 

Then he sneezed again, and again, and again.

 

Brimming with righteous fury, he stormed to his dresser, shoved on a fresh shirt and jeans, and the next thing he knew, he was banging impatiently on the white door of apartment 138.

 

It slowly cracked open with a sleepy “Wha?”, and Rey squinted at him through one cracked eyelid.

 

“This is all your fault!” He announced as he marched in, almost too indignant to notice the way her hair frizzed around her face and how the collar of her t-shirt had slipped down to reveal one bare shoulder.

 

“Huh?” She frowned at him, then brightened with a half-awake smile as he handed her a warm Starbucks cup.

 

“This!” He shouted with a dramatic point to his slightly red nose.

 

Rey blinked, then sniffed. “How is your face my fault?”

 

“Not my- I’m sick! You gave me your miserable virus!”

 

She sipped at her coffee nonchalantly. “ ‘M sorry.”

 

“Sorry? Sorry!? Is that all you have to say for yourself?”

 

Cracking the other eye open, Rey lifted one shoulder and added, “Sorry I sneezed on your pillow?”

 

“You _sneezed_ on my _pillow?_ ” He repeated in an offended tone.

 

“I mean, I sneezed on a lot of pillows. Was probably going to happen sooner or later,” she shrugged.

 

“No it wasn’t! I take multiple vitamin supplements in order to boost my immune system, and somehow one day with you has ruined everything.”

 

Tilting her head a little, Rey sipped her coffee in sleepy bliss and responded with a zen, “Okay.”

 

“No! Not okay! What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

After watching him for a moment, Rey yawned, then pointed to the tv. “Want me to put in the next movie?”

 

…

 

“I’m just saying, if they know they’re not alone, why are they snoring away!?” He shouted at the screen.

 

Rey handed him a mug of tea and burrowed back into her cocoon. “Probably because they’re hobbits. Hobbits prize food, then sleep, then parties. They got their priorities straight.”

 

“Not if it’s gonna get them killed, they don’t.” He grumbled.

 

By the next round of tea, Kylo was rolling his eyes. “Dear Lord, how are there even more characters now? Didn’t they introduce like thirty in the last one? As if anyone can remember that many names.”

 

Rey flashed him a mischievous grin. “Want them chronologically or alphabetically?”

 

He shook his head at her as he blew his nose. “Again, you have seen this thing way too many times.”

 

“Again, no such thing.”

 

“So how many plotlines are we following here? We’ve got the horse people with the creepy advisor guy, the dumb runaway hobbits in the forest with the creepy tree thing, the other hobbits walking a marathon with the creepy bald guy. Am I missing anyone?”

 

“Just you wait.” Rey smirked.

 

“I swear, if this movie doesn’t merge back into one storyline soon… Holy shit Gandalf’s alive?”

 

“Told you!”

 

“And he found shampoo somewhere. Good for him.”

 

“Hush!”

 

By the time the first disc ended, Rey had convinced Kylo to go buy donuts from the gas station down the way, despite the fact that he informed her that no one with any sense of self-worth shopped at a gas station.

 

“Except you, right now,” she quirked, then laughed at his frown as she piled the pastries and more cough medicine on the counter.

 

Kylo swiped his credit card through before she had the chance to reach for her wallet, which earned him a gracious smile and reddening ears.

 

As they settled in with more tea and jelly-filled donuts, Rey put in the next disc and Kylo asked, “So, who’s the Robin Hood guy?”

 

“His name is Faramir and don’t get me started on how poorly they maligned his character from the book. It’s the only flaw in this brilliant series and I’m still salty about it.”

 

“Really? The weird hyenas aren’t a flaw?”

 

Her only response was to throw a pillow at him, which he dodged easily, then to shove her cold feet against his ribs.

 

“Ah! Alright! I’ll stop, but only because your feet are made of ice.” He conceded, part of him noticing the paradoxical rush of heat at her touch.

 

“Aha! I win!” She crowed, and the corner of his mouth quirked up just a bit at how jubilant she sounded.

 

“Yeah, everyone in that castle is going to die.”

 

“It’s not a castle, it’s Helm’s Deep. And shhhhh.”

 

“I know it’s a serious battle and everything, but please tell me that Blondie didn’t just surf down the stairs.”

 

“...We don’t talk about it.”

 

After some shifting around, Rey was leaning against the couch a hair’s breadth away from his hand while she sipped her tea. Shaking his head, he remarked, “No kidding Frodo wouldn’t have gotten far without Sam. I haven’t even seen this movie and I know he would have died at least fifteen times by now if Sam wasn’t there.”

 

“Sam is literally the best.” Rey agreed, taking out her buns and shaking out her hair before reaching for the final installment. “Hey, we should order lunch.”

 

“Why do I get the feeling you want _me_ to order lunch?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, firmly resisting the urge to run his fingers through her brunette strands.

 

“Because… I made tea?”

 

He gave her a flat look. “Oh, you boiled water. What great effort.”

 

“And I’ve seen your paycheck.” she countered, staring at him as he tried to come up with a reasonable argument.

 

“Alright, fine. Is there even anything good around here?” He grumbled, acutely aware that giving in to her was beginning to become a habit.

 

“Oo, whatever it is, it needs to be spicy. Like, make you cry spicy.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“To clear your sinuses, obviously. And we should get crab cheese wontons.”

 

“Why? Do they cleanse your pores?”

 

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “No. Because they’re delicious.”

 

By the time the Chinese take-out arrived, Rey was leaning forward in anticipation, her shoulder occasionally brushing his, explaining in thorough detail how many Oscars the final installment had won, and why the music and costuming and cinematography of all three movies were really being awarded in one fell swoop.

 

“How on earth do you have that amount of energy to care about fictional characters?” He asked, weary by association.

 

Rey paused, her chopsticks full of noodles dangling in the air. “First, I never stopped caring, and second, don’t you pretend you didn’t cry at Boromir’s death. We get to meet his dad in here, by the way, not just as a random flashback. Proper wanker he is.”

 

“Do you sound more British when you’re annoyed with someone?” He teased, scooping some lo mein for himself.

 

“Yes. That’s why my accent is always so strong around you,” she snarked in return, leaning back in order to catch the potsticker he tossed at her and raising her hands in victory as it landed in her mouth.

 

He unsuccessfully tried to bite back a smile. “So immature,” he managed to say, but even he could hear the softness behind it.

 

She shot him a playful look. “Says the man who threw a full blown temper tantrum in his office.”

 

Glancing down at the remains of the takeout box, she didn’t see how he stiffened at the reminder of who he was. Her boss. Her superior. Someone she couldn’t say no to for fear of losing her job. (Besides the fact that he was too angry - too reckless - to be here. To be sitting on her couch and eating take-out like he didn’t make her life miserable on a daily basis.)

 

God this was a terrible idea.

 

“But, you’re getting better at that, which I appreciate. And at least you’re not Hux.”

 

He blinked. “Hux?”

 

“Oh man, you should hear the stories Rose tells. You at least get mad, get it all out, then you’re done. But Hux gets petty and bullies people.” She rolled her eyes. “Literally the worst.”

 

As she chucked the empty box in her trash can, she turned to him with anticipation. “Ready to start the final chapter?”

 

He took a breath and opened his mouth to tell her that she didn’t need to do this, that he would go, that she didn’t need to be nice to him, that he didn’t want her sympathy, her pity, that he was just fine on his own-

 

“Or we can watch something else,” she offered as he realized his silence had lasted too long. “I know fantasy isn’t your thing, and my geeking out every five minutes probably isn’t helping. I’ve got a fairly decent variety of genres, so if you want a change of pace, we can definitely watch something different.”

 

Staring at her genuine smile, he could only stammer, “W-why? You love this movie.”

 

“Well, yeah, but if you don’t, then that’s okay. I’d rather watch something you’d enjoy too.”

 

“... You would?”

 

“Of course.” She tilted her head, then remarked, “It’s what friends do.”

 

Taking in the confusion furrowing her brow, the amiable smile settling at the corner of her mouth, the fact finally dawned on him that she might actually mean it.

 

“Is that what we are?” He asked, so much of him so afraid of the answer. “Friends?”

 

Rey frowned at him kindly. “Of course! You think I force everyone I know to watch Lord of the Rings? Actually, wait, don’t answer that.”

 

And with that, the tension dissipated. He gave a ghost of a laugh, and added, “Well, not sure how long everyone would stick around.”

 

“Exactly! But since you’re my friend, you’re stuck until the end,” she winked, then her grin faltered a bit. “I mean it though. We can switch to something else, if you like. I don’t mind.”

 

Watching her for a few more moments, he couldn’t shake the idea that she did actually care, somehow.

 

Decided, he waved his hand imperiously. “And have all those sixteen hours of my life wasted for no reason? I think not! Play on!”

 

The inescapable joy exuding from her warmed his chest for some reason. “Okay, it was half that much, and you will not be disappointed. Return of the King is the best one in the whole series.”

 

“Have you said that about every one of them?”

 

“Look, it’s between Fellowship and RotK. Everyone knows that. And it depends on which one I’m watching at the time.”

 

“Are we going to be introduced to twenty people and expected to memorized all of their names in this one?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then I have the feeling this one is better.”

 

She chucked a used tissue at him as she pressed play. “See, but you can only appreciate this one because you’ve seen-”

 

“Are we going to watch this thing or not?” He interrupted, gesturing at the title appearing on the screen.

 

Shaking her head fondly, Rey sat back (again, a breath away from his extended arm) and blew her nose as the movie began.

 

“So, do hobbits dance on every table? Is that their thing?”

 

“They love to party! Every party should involve dancing on tables and singing songs about your favorite brewpub.”

 

“That sounds very specific. And British.” He commented, finishing off the last of his take-out before asking, “Okay, so why are we at the mountain city? Something to do with the flaming bowling ball?”

 

“Do you really want me to explain the Palantir to you, or should I just say ‘plot reasons’?”

 

Kylo thought a moment, then shrugged. “I’ll go with plot reasons.”

 

“That’s what I thought.”

 

A while later, Kylo was slowly crushing his pillow in anger. “Oh, I hate this guy.”

 

Rey reached over to clink her mug of tea with his bowl of soup. “Now you’re officially in the ‘Denethor Is The Worst Father Ever’ club.”

 

He snorted. “I can think of someone else who could compete for that title.”

 

Tilting her head, Rey watched him for a few moments before giving him a sympathetic touch on his arm.

 

Warring between shoving her pity away and never wanting to move again, he settled for blushing and mumbling, “Whatever.”

 

_“If I should return,” Faramir asked in a quiet voice. “Think better of me, Father.”_

 

_“That would depend on the manner of your return,” Denethor responded in clipped tones._

 

“Oh God, I really hate this guy,” Ben growled.

 

“Oh no, it’s coming!” Rey shrieked, grabbing the entire box of tissues and scooching closer to Kylo, who suddenly froze.

 

“What is?”

 

“The feels!” She wailed, then half-hid behind his shoulder as the pitifully small cavalry started to charge and Pippin’s wavering, haunting song echoed through the room.

 

_“Home is behind_

_The world ahead_

_And there are many paths to tread_

_Through shadow_

_To the edge of night_

_Until the stars are all alight_

 

_Mist and shadow_

_Cloud and shade_

_All shall fade_

_All shall-”_

 

As the sound suddenly cut out, Rey could hear and feel Kylo’s sharp intake of breath as the black-tipped arrows flew forward.

 

_“Fade.”_

 

“Damn,” Kylo murmured in a mixture of pain and awe.

 

“Told you,” Rey whispered back, dabbing her eyes. “This scene is so powerful and beautiful and it wrecks me every time.”

 

The piles of tissues and stacks of mugs grew and shifted and shrank as the first disc wound down, both of them using the break to stretch and clean.

 

“I thought these were stupid fantasy movies. The hell did you get me into?” Kyo teased as he started washing out his mug.

 

“Oh, you have no idea how much these movies mean to me.” Rey told him as she shoveled tissues into the trash. He turned away from the sink to raise a single eyebrow at her.

 

“I may have gotten a small hint by the sheer amount of weeping and talking you’ve done,” he jibed, easily catching the empty kleenex box headed his way.

 

“Hey, do you want me to banish you? Doomed to wander the world without knowing how anything ends?” She orated from atop the couch, complete with melodramatic hand gestures.

 

“Well you love it, so I assume there’s a happy ending.” He washed a few more mugs before looking behind him and blinking at her attempt at a poker face.

 

“Wait- is there not- Who dies? _Who dies?!_ I swear, if it’s one of the hobbits-”

 

“I’m not saying _anything_ ,” she sniffed, then threatened, “one more snarky remark out of you and you’ll never know.”

 

He glared at her while drying his hands, then sat down and gestured towards the screen in a silent invitation.

 

After placing the disc in the player in perfect silence, Rey shook her head in amusement. “Fine, I’ll allow you,” she tapped her chin in thought, “three sarcastic comments.”

 

“Twelve, at least,” he countered. “We still have two hours to get through.”

 

“Five.”

 

“Ten.”

 

Rey smiled and stuck out her hand. “Done.” She held up the orange bottle next to her and offered, “More cough syrup?”

 

“If m’lady pleases,” he responded with an elaborate half-bow, reveling in the fact that he had learned how to make her laugh; the cheerful, genuine sound settling deep in his soul.

 

…

 

“Hold up, is that love triangle girl in armor?”

 

“Oh no you don’t. Eowyn is one of the most amazing female characters in literature and you do not get to say anything bad about her. She is strong and smart and kick-ass and deserves you knowing her real name.”

 

“Rey, there’s a thousand characters in here-”

 

“Don’t care. She’s a BAMF and my hero and her name is Eowyn.”

 

She fixed him with long stare until he sighed and dutifully repeated. “Eowyn.”

 

“Thank you,” she responded primly, turning back to the screen.

 

“Erin?”

 

Keeping her eyes firmly on the screen, she muttered out of the side of her mouth, “Don’t you do it.”

 

“Errol Flynn?”

 

“Ben, I swear to God-”

 

“Does she have the same name as the other girl? Arawyn?”

 

“You are two comments from getting kicked out. Don’t think I won’t do it!” She wagged her finger in his face as he stifled a grin.

 

“Alright, alright,” he held his hands up in surrender, then, almost cautiously, stretched one arm along the back of the couch, waiting for her to shove him away, or shoot him a warning look. Instead, she leaned back, the tips of her hair from her lowest bun barely brushing his arm and sending goosebumps across his skin.

 

“I think you’ll like this part coming up,” she told him with a grin, startling him out of his intense study of the color of the strands of her hair.

 

“Yes! Hit him on the head harder!” Kylo shouted as Denethor fell to the ground and Rey giggled.

 

“Thought you might appreciate that.”

 

He gave her a small half-grin, then turned back to the movie.

 

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of cavalry.”

 

“Yup! Here they are to save the day!” She sang in a childish voice, then sighed when he simply stared. “Mighty Mouse? Nothing?”

 

Before he could respond, she grabbed his shoulder with a surprisingly strong grip. “Here it comes!”

 

As the woman onscreen lifted her helmet, Rey punched the air with her tissues and shouted along, “I am no man!”

 

“So, it’s a loophole?”

 

“It’s the way for her to save everyone’s butts, that’s what.”

 

As the film drew to a close, Kylo found himself leaning forward, at the edge of the couch, watching the progress of the two figures as they painstakingly clung to the side of the mountain, the world collapsing around them.

 

 _“I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee,”_ Frodo comforted his friend as Rey burst into tears. _“Here - at the end of all things.”_

 

Without looking, she offered him the box of tissues, patting him on the shoulder as he grabbed a few for himself.

 

Once the ships had sailed, and the last scene showed life in Hobbiton enduring as it ever had, the credits rolled and Rey turned to him with wide, hopeful eyes.

 

“Well?”

 

He let out a long breath and shook his head, finally stating, “What a ride.”

 

Rey laughed at that, a soothing sound he didn’t mind becoming familiar. “I told you! It’s such an important and amazing movie and it means so much to-” She stopped as she caught his amused stare. “What? What’s so funny?”

 

Kylo shrugged. “I just… I’m glad it makes you happy.”

 

“It really, really, does.” She told him, stretching with a loud yawn. “So, did you actually like it?”

 

Standing slowly, he tilted his head to the side with a lift of his eyebrows. “There are worse ways to spend a holiday.”

 

Rey sighed in fond exasperation and shot him a look as she grabbed a few escaping tissues. “I’ll take it. The fact that you entertained any form of pop culture is a win in my book.”

 

After helping her clean the remains of their tea and take-out, Kylo did a double take at the time, then gathered his things and placed a reluctant hand on the door knob as Rey walked beside him.

 

“Thank you so much for watching them with me.” Rey told him, a contagious warmth in her voice. “It really means a lot.”

 

“Yes, well… If I was ever going to… then I’m… glad it was with…” skirting around the inappropriate (dangerous, revealing, _truthful_ ) response of ‘with you’, he struggled for a more neutral ending.

 

“With a friend?” She offered with a sleepy, disconcertingly attractive smile, and it might have been the cough syrup, but he could have sworn she was staring at his lips before her eyes flicked upwards.

 

“I…” Dear God, why was his throat so dry. “I- Yes. With… with a friend.”

 

“Me too,” she agreed, leaning against the doorframe and studying his mouth again before giving herself a quick headshake and standing back up on her feet.

 

“I know it’s really late, so I’ll let you go, but again, thank you so much for everything. I’m so glad you could come.”

 

“It- it was nothing.” He managed, then panicked suddenly as all knowledge of ending conversations left his brain.

 

Sensing his floundering (as she always did), Rey rubbed her shoulder and spoke with a questioning lilt, “See you Monday?”

 

“Yes, I’ll see… Monday,” he nodded emphatically as he slipped out the door, trying to focus on anything besides the way her hazel eyes crinkled with laugher.

 

“Goodnight!” She called as he forced his feet to move.

 

“Night,” he waved back, attempting nonchalance and hoping he didn’t sound like a loser with not a friend in the world.

 

 _(Well, one friend now,_ his voice pointed out, which really shouldn’t have made his steps feel as light as they did.)

 

…

 

Rey watched from her window to make sure his car started and he got out of the parking lot alright, before neatening up the living room a bit, humming a happy song under her breath.

 

Grabbing her phone from the charging station, she blinked at the sheer number of texts from Rose, all detailing exactly what played out at Finn’s over Thanksgiving and how they stayed up all night talking and drinking wine and she crashed on his couch and he made her coffee and eggs does it mean that he thinks she’s a complete lush now?!

 

Laughing, Rey was about to respond when she saw the next text, sent from a private number, containing a single word.

 

_Update?_

 

Her smile fading, she glanced over to the left corner of the couch, where his long frame had been stretched out and bored, nervous and curled up, relaxed and lounging, all over the last two days. Biting her lip in guilt and indecision, she typed out a quick reply and sent it before she could change her mind, quickly tapping on Rose’s texts with an odd sense of denial and relief.

 

_Need more time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you can't tell, I *love* LotR, and have had similar marathons in the past. (Although not with Adam Driver)  
> A incredibly hilarious liveblog from someone who had never seen the movies inspired part of this, and I urge you all to check it out - http://alloverthegaf.tumblr.com/lotrlb  
> And, even if you've never seen Lord of the Rings, the scene with Pippin's song intercut with an uncaring Denethor is one of the most beautiful and haunting moments in any film - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WskRAEggqkQ


	8. Conversations

Her phone rang Monday morning, and after a quick prayer that it wasn’t Hux demanding to speak with her absent boss again, Rey answered with a professional, “Mr. Ren’s office.”

 

“I blame you,” a low, raspy voice hissed through the phone, causing Rey to break into a wide smile.

 

“I’m sure you do. Is there anything in particular you’re blaming me for? Or just for the world in general?”

 

“You gave me your cursed cough,” Kylo paused to blow his nose pitifully. “I knew this would happen.”

 

“What about all of your supplements? Didn’t they help?” She asked innocently, and could almost hear the dark glare he sent her.

 

“Tell the morons that I’m not coming in.”

 

“Will do. Are you available by email, or should I tell them to bugger off about everything?”

 

“You can send me emails. Everyone else can bugger.”

 

Rey laughed. “Sounds good. Binary Star Realty did just send over their contract revisions, and Hux has been buzzing around all morning trying to snatch them up.”

 

Kylo coughed, then spit. “Ginger bastard.”

 

“Indeed. But I’m a little worried. He’s very persistent.”

 

“Gah. Fine. I’ll try to come by-”

 

“Or I can bring them to you after work?”

 

Sudden, surprised silence filled the phone. “You… you could?”

 

“I mean, if… if that’s okay. If not I’m sure I can courier-”

 

“No, no, no. It’s… that sounds… good.”

 

“Oh. Well. Good. I’ll text you when I head out?”

 

“Uh… yeah. Sure. I’ll… see you then.”

 

Rey hung up with a slow smile, then zoomed the gold robot across her desk until it was in view of his window, just to see how long it’d take him to notice.

 

“You look awfully happy,” Rose commented as she walked by. “Something good happen?”

 

“Oh, no, just… had a good holiday is all.”

 

Rose frowned as she tilted her head. “Didn’t you have a terrible cold?”

 

“Well… yes. But I got to watch Lord of the Rings snuggled in blankets, so it wasn’t all bad. Although I hear mine wasn’t as good as yours,” Rey teased with waggling eyebrows.

 

Blushing, the other girl looked around before whispering, “It was amazing. We spend the whole night just talking about everything and he insisted I stay the night and then he made breakfast in the morning and we talked some more and it was just… perfect.”

 

Rose sighed dreamily as Rey shook her head in amusement. “I’m glad to hear it went well.”

 

“It did! It’s just… you know when you’re talking to someone, and you feel like you can tell them anything?”

 

Rey’s smile brightened, then suddenly faltered.

 

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Rose asked, brows furrowed in concern.

 

“No, no, it’s just…” Rey attempted a nonchalant tone, “a girl has to have her secrets, after all. Can’t be telling everyone everything.”

 

Rose immediately panicked. “Oh my God, should I be keeping secrets from Finn? Like what? Which ones? What if I already-”

 

“Whoa, whoa, slow down. I was kidding. Although, what _have_ you told him? Judging from that reaction, I’d guess it’s something juicy.”

 

“Is it bad that I told him I still keep my teddy bear on my bed?” Rose whispered anxiously as Rey shoved all guilty thoughts to the back of her mind and told Rose that childhood toys were fairly low on the ‘too much information’ scale.

 

…

 

Rey sighed as she knocked for the third time. He might be asleep, or might just enjoy making her wait as the plastic bags slowly cut off her circulation.

 

The door finally creaked open and Kylo’s red, mopey face poked out.

 

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t fire you for infecting me,” he coughed.

 

Rey held up the plastic bags. “I brought Thai?”

 

He sniffed, then mumbled, “Alright. You’re still employed. For now.”

 

She laughed as she brushed past him, noticing that the tips of his ears were turning red and wondering if that was from the cold too.

 

“Alright, after dodging Hux all day like the expert I am, this account better pay off big time,” Rey told him as she spread out the boxes and handed him the printed out contract.

 

“It better.” He growled, skimming through the papers.

 

“From what I saw, their revisions are pretty standard, except for the amount of control they want over the design process, which is kind of ridiculous.” Rey informed him as she rifled through his cabinets until she found plates. “I get the feeling that one of the higher ups watched their kid play with Photoshop once and now considers himself an expert.”

 

Kylo snorted as he took the plate of green curry from her. “Tell them we charge more for dealing with inflated egos.”

 

“No wonder you make so much money,” Rey teased as she sat next to him.

 

He shot her a look, then blew his nose.

 

As they figured out which revisions to keep and marked ones to discuss in the client meeting, Rey put the kettle on and dug out throat-taming tea from one of her bags. Once tea was made and notes were taken, Kylo leaned back with a sigh. “Well, that’s one more thing Hux can’t ruin.”

 

“To victory!” Rey toasted, holding up her mug of tea until Kylo begrudgingly clinked with her.

 

After the contract revisions were put away, Rey reached into another bag and started, “So… if you’re up for it, I was thinking of continuing to expand your knowledge of cult classics.”

 

He frowned at her as she offered him the dvd case. “The Princess Bride,” he read in a flat tone, then raised an eyebrow. “Do I seem like someone interested in princesses? Or brides?”

 

“Are you kiddin’?” Rey asked in an attempt at an old man’s voice. “There’s fencing, fighting, torture, _revenge!_ Giants, monsters, chases, escapes. True love! Miracles…”

 

Rey sighed at Kylo’s blank stare. “Okay, once you watch it, you’ll realize that was really close.”

 

“I’m sure.” He deadpanned, then paused. “How long is it?”

 

Rolling her eyes with a ill-concealed smile, Rey answered, “It’s an hour and a half. I think you’ll survive.”

 

Kylo shrugged and gestured towards the tv. “We’ll see. If there’s a montage of wedding dresses, I’m kicking you out.”

 

“But that’s the best part!” Rey teased as he gave her a death glare. “Kidding! No dress montages, promise.”

 

…

 

At the end, Rey looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes. “Well?”

 

Kylo stretched his arms above his head (Rey trying her utmost not to stare at the way his shirt rose up, revealing surprisingly toned abs) and tilted his head to the side. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

 

Rey opened her mouth in melodramatic shock. “You liked it!? Inconceivable!”

 

He shook his head, a small tug at the corner of his mouth. “Is this going to be a thing now?”

 

“Oh, it already was, you just never caught how many quotes I sneak into my everyday life,” Rey winked, gathering her things. “Alright, I’m heading out. You going to be in tomorrow?”

 

Kylo coughed, then gave her a half-shrug. “Maybe.”

 

“Okay. I’ll send over the revisions to Binary Star in the morning, so just let me know how you’re feeling.”

 

He nodded as they walked to the door, fidgeting with the tissue in his hand.

 

“I…” he started, fumbling a bit, “Yeah. I’ll… let you know.”

 

“Sounds good,” Rey smiled, then touched his arm. “Feel better soon! Good night!”

 

She waved as she headed down the hall, missing the way he rubbed his arm, and the melancholy way he watched her as she left.

 

…

 

“...and they said they’re available for an 11 am call,” Rey told him the next day, handing him his coffee and a bottle of Dayquil. “So I sent the design team a calendar invite, and they should-”

 

A muffled buzzing echoed from his pocket. “Ugh,” Kylo coughed, “what now?”

 

Answering his phone without looking at the screen, he muttered, “What?”

 

“Ben? Are you okay? You sound a little stuffed up,” a concerned voice asked on the other end.

 

He suddenly paled. “Mom?”

 

Rey’s eyes went wide with intrigue as Kylo put a hand to his forehead.

 

“Of course it’s me. You don’t recognize your own mother’s voice?”

 

“Mom, I really don’t have time right now-”

 

“You never have time, which is why I’m calling now to ask about your Christmas plans.”

 

“My what?”

 

“What are your plans for Christmas? Your father and I and Chewie are up at the cabin this year and wanted to see if you could join us.”

 

“Mom, I do not want to get into this right now,” Kylo hissed with a furtive glance at Rey.

 

Sensing some potential awkwardness, Rey quietly excused herself, closing the door behind her and sitting at her desk. She waited all of thirty seconds before she quickly pressed the speaker button, her curiosity far too strong to resist such an interesting development.

 

“... don’t know why you won’t even consider it.”

 

“Because you never listen to me!”

 

“Sweetheart, we can’t listen to you if you never talk to us. This is the first time you’ve taken my call in a year!”

 

 _“I wonder why?!”_ Kylo shouted into the phone as Rey winced in sympathy.

 

There was a long, drawn-out sigh, then a soft, “Ben. We love you. That’s why we want to see you. And I know there’s hurt on all sides, but-”

 

“Here it comes,” he muttered bitterly.

 

 _“But-”_ Leia repeated firmly, “we can’t solve anything if you won’t talk to us.”

 

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Like the old man would talk about anything real.”

 

“He might if you tried,” Leia pointed out in a no-nonsense tone. “But both of you are so stubborn-”

 

“I am _nothing_ like him,” He spit out, and Rey could almost hear the pain in Leia’s silence.

 

“Just… promise me you’ll think about it.”

 

Peeking behind her, Rey could see Kylo about to refuse, anger and bitterness lining his face as he clenched his jaw.

 

“Please.”

 

As soon as the word left his mother’s lips, Rey saw his posture slump as the defiance slipped away.

 

“Fine. I’ll think about it.”

 

“That’s all I ask. I love you, sweetheart.”

 

He stared at the phone for a moment, then mumbled, “I know,” and hung up.

 

A few minutes later, Rey tentatively poked her head into his office and softly placed two aspirin and a glass of water on his desk. “I just wanted to let you that the conference call is in half an hour.”

 

He stared silently at the pills, then asked, “Did you hear all of that?”

 

“Not if you didn’t want me to.”

 

Sighing, he scooped up the painkillers. “Wish I hadn’t.”

 

She gave him a concerned look, then hesitantly added, “And I wanted to remind you that Hraki Motors’ client party is on Friday.”

 

“Ughhhhhh,” he groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “Of course it is.”

 

“I’ve already alerted your dry cleaner, so your gray suit should be good to go by Thursday afternoon.”

 

“I hate all of this,” he growled as he picked up the ball with Hux’s face on it and threw it viciously across the room.

 

“I know.” Rey offered gently. “Would you like some more coffee?”

 

He caught the ball and bounced it again, muttering, “Will it have rat poison in it?”

 

“No. But I can add some French Vanilla syrup if you like?”

 

“Whatever,” he mumbled, and Rey had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the classic teenaged response.

 

While he seemed to perk up a little at the coffee, Kylo’s attitude only soured over rest of the week. Rey pressed her lips together as people started to tiptoe around the office again, as he started to snap at others, as his tone and temper became shorter and sharper.

 

By the time the client party rolled around, Rey had gotten a few subtle (and not-so-subtle) hints that perhaps Kylo’s presence at the client party wasn’t as necessary as previously mentioned.

 

She conveyed these hints to him as kindly as possible, but his only response was to grunt at her, so it wasn’t clear what his plans actually were.

 

“Is he… okay?” Rose asked at the party. “He seems… grumpier than usual. Even for him.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes as she sipped her cocktail. “Who knows. I’m hoping it’s just a phase and he’ll grow out of it. Like a toddler.”

 

“Ah. Talking about Ren?” Finn guessed as he brought Rose a drink. “Yeah, I saw him in the breakroom the other day and asked if there was any coffee left. He dumped the whole carafe down the drain.”

 

The girls giggled as Finn shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it, Rey.”

 

“Eh, he’ll come around.” Rey shrugged. “Things will go back to normal soon.”

 

“Are you sure?” Rose asked with an amused eyebrow.

 

“Of course I’m sure. Why?”

 

She pointed across the dance floor. “Because your boss is about to punch my boss in the face.”

 

 _“What?!”_ Rey shrieked, whirling around to see Kylo tightening his fists and about to lunge at Hux. “Shit.”

 

As she took off, she heard Rose murmur behind her, “Not that I’d mind.”

 

Rey sprinted over and grabbed Kylo’s outstretched arm. “Care to dance?” She asked firmly as she dragged him away.

 

“Didn’t really sound like a question,” he grumbled.

 

She shot him a look as she pulled him onto the dance floor. “It sounded like I was saving both our jobs.”

 

He frowned in confusion, matching her slow sway. “Both?”

 

“Look, Snoke lets you get away with a lot of things, but punching Hux in the face is definitely going to get you fired. And if you get fired, I’m out of a job.”

 

Kylo snorted and looked away, “You’d find a new job in a second.”

 

“What?” Rey blinked at him.

 

Shrugging awkwardly, he mumbled, “Everyone wishes you worked for them. You know that.”

 

Her mouth slowly opening, Rey grinned at him. “Did you just admit I’m good at my job?”

 

“No,” he said a little too quickly. “I just… you’re better than the rest of the morons here.”

 

“You think I’m good at my job,” she teased him with a wide smile.

 

“Look, I just- forget it.”

 

Rey laughed kindly, then winced as she stepped on his toes again. “Sorry.”

 

He sighed, then muttered, “Here. Let me show you how to do this so you don’t break my foot.”

 

“Like I could break anything. You’re a friggin’ tree.” Rey jibed back, then held out her hands. “Okay, what do I do?”

 

“You let me lead, that’s what.”

 

“You know how to do that?” She asked with mock surprise.

 

“You still want your job? I’ve still got half a mind to punch Hux,” he warned, the corner of his mouth turning up at her giggle.

 

“Okay, okay, sorry. How do I do that?”

 

In one motion, he straightened up to his full height and stretched out his arms, the movement suddenly pulling her much closer.

 

Her hazel eyes met his caramel ones, and all the air seemed to leave her lungs at once. Frozen in time, the scent of his cologne teasing her nose, the warmth of his hands enveloping hers, the sound of long, deep breaths following the rise and fall of his chest, everything about this moment sharply, indelibly, irrevocably marked on her memory.

 

“Is this… are you alright?” She felt him rumble through his chest, a small pucker of worry between his brows.

 

“I… yes. I’m- I’m fine.”

 

“Oh. Good.” He paused, then added, “You stop talking and I get worried.”

 

“Ha. Ha.” Rey deadpanned, coming back to herself a little. “Is your dancing as bad as your jokes?”

 

He lifted a roguish eyebrow and Rey felt her stomach drop out from beneath her. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

 

As the band played a classic waltz, he spun her effortlessly through the crowd, moving with paradoxical grace and abandon as if he was trying to leave everything behind, orbiting around Rey as the planets circled the sun itself.

 

The orchestra’s song crescendoed, and he extended his arm, flinging her out into a dramatic spin, then tugging her back in an embrace that was at the same time too close and not nearly close enough.

 

Seconds passed as they stared at each other, distant thoughts reminding Rey that he was her boss, that they should not be a breath away from touching, that she shouldn’t be memorizing every shade of color in his eyes, shouldn’t be focusing on the shape of his mouth, telling her that everyone was probably watching, that she should do… something. Say… something.

 

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” She managed to ask breathily, then winced as a sullen mask slid onto his face.

 

“One of my many childhood requirements.” He responded brusquely, helping her stand, then stepping away.

 

She opened her mouth to apologize, to joke, to somehow go back to that moment before, when a clipped tone interrupted her.

 

“Ren.”

 

They both turned to see Phasma regarding them with an inscrutable look.

 

“The Director of Marketing asked to speak to you,” she informed them, her voice indicating she found this an unforgivable inconvenience.

 

“Not. Now.” Kylo bit out.

 

“He insisted. Snoke agreed.” Phasma told him, eyes narrowing.

 

Letting out a low, angry growl, he turned on his heel. “Fine.”

 

“Can I get you anything?” Rey offered softly.

 

“Whiskey. Neat.”

 

She nodded, then shot him a worried look before heading over to the drink station. After waiting in a long line, Rey finally got to the front, then was delayed by the bartender flirting terribly with her as he poured the drink as slowly as possible.

 

With the whiskey finally in hand, she made her way back to where Kylo was speaking to several execs. As she approached, she saw Kylo snap his fingers at a waiter and grab two glasses of champagne. He downed the first one before she had even reached them, and Rey frowned as he started working on the second.

 

“Here’s your drink.” Rey told him with a smile at the rest of the group. “Sorry it took so long, the bartender is in high-” She blinked as he finished the champagne, handed both glasses to a passing admin (who looked confused, but took them anyway at Kylo’s dark look), then grabbed the whiskey out of her hand. “...demand,” she finished slowly, taking in his reddening face, his growing scowl, and the sharp, angry wave of dismissal he gave her.

 

She took a reluctant step back, watching him in concern as he kept talking to the other execs, especially as the CFO interrupted the conversation about marketing strategies.

 

“You look so familiar. Do I know you?” The older man asked, and Kylo’s glare darkened.

 

“No.”

 

“Are you sure? You remind me of someone…”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Perhaps I know your parents. Are they in government?”

 

Rey’s eyes widened as Kylo’s whiskey glass started to crack and his other hand tightened into a fist.

 

Jumping forward, Rey surreptitiously placed the glass on a nearby table and took Kylo’s arm. “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to interrupt, but I just got an urgent call from Dreadnought Enterprises about how there’s a spelling error on some of their material and they need an immediate review of what we have.” She kept up a steady flow of words as she dragged him away and smiled all the wider at the confused faces of the group. “Again, so sorry. Have a wonderful evening, thank you so much for the party, okay, bye.”

 

Tugging him behind her like an oversized, gloomy kite, Rey marched him towards the elevator.

 

“Are you _drunk?”_ She hissed at him.

 

“Not yet,” he responded acerbically, which caused Rey to yank him into the elevator, hit the ‘Close Doors’ button, and let out a long sigh.

 

“I didn’ give you the signal.” Kylo frowned blearily at her.

 

“Oh, trust me, you were giving everyone plenty of signals,” Rey told him, rubbing her temples.

 

After they stood in silence for a moment, he tilted his head and asked, “So, where are we going?”

 

“Somewhere I can think and where you can drink all of this,” she informed him, shoving a water bottle at him.

 

He made a face at her, but opened the bottle and took a few generous gulps anyway. The doors dinged and opened to the top floor, but Rey simply grabbed his arm again and hauled him up the next flight of stairs.

 

The door opened onto the roof, and Rey breathed in the quiet calm before guiding Kylo to one of the lawn chairs set up on the concrete block.

 

“Sit. Keep drinking.”

 

“Tha’s what I was doing until you dragged me up here,” he dished back, which earned him a stern look.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Rey demanded, hands on her hips. “I’ve never seen you act like this, especially when it could jeopardize your career!”

 

He hunkered down in the too-small rickety chair. “Nothing.”

 

Rey forced herself to take a breath, then tried again in a gentler tone. “Look, I know the call with your mom was difficult, but-”

 

“This is not about my mom!” He shouted, then slouched and muttered, “And what are you, my therapist?”

 

“Okay, the fact that I mentioned your mother and you immediately jumped to therapy leads me to believe that you probably need some therapy,” Rey told him with a raised eyebrow.

 

When he did nothing besides sulk and sip his water, Rey sighed, then sat in the chair next to him. “Want to talk about it?”

 

“No.” He snapped, taking another swig.

 

“O-kay.” Rey responded, turning her eyes up to the stars and trying to pick out constellations.

 

“She does this every year,” Kylo sneered at the ground after a beat. “She figures out some way to ambush me into taking her call, and then gives me this whole speech about ‘can’t have a future if you don’t face your past’, or some dumb shit like that. Tries to get me to come up for the holidays so she can pretend we’re still all this big happy fake family.”

 

He kicked viciously at the ground as Rey watched him empathetically. Whirling around suddenly, he asked, “What would you do?”

 

“Me?”

 

“No, the other person on this roof.”

 

After shooting him a rebuking look for his sarcasm, Rey shook her head with a small laugh. “Trust me, you don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

 

“Of course I do.”

 

She glanced up to see him staring at her with wide, sincere, honest ( _too_ honest) eyes. He shifted a little, then added, “And since when has that ever stopped you?”

 

Trying to hide a smirk, Rey tilted her head in concession. “Fair point. Okay. I think you should do it.”

 

“Ughhhhhh.” He rolled his eyes and collapsed back into the chair, lifting it onto the back legs.

 

“Told you you wouldn’t like it.”

 

“Why? So I can get guilted by my mom and fight with my dad?”

 

Rey shrugged quietly. “Because she asked you to.”

 

“Oh right. She says ‘jump’, I should say ‘how high’?”

 

“No, because - because she asked. She didn’t demand, or threaten, or even guilt you all that much, from what I heard. She asked you to think about it. That’s it. And as much as you don’t want to hear it, the whole ‘we can’t listen if you don’t talk’ thing was a pretty valid point.”

 

He folded his arms and stared at the dandelions growing out of the crack next to him.

 

“And I believe you, I really do, that being with them is hard, and complicated, and probably weird, but-” She bit her lip, then added softly, “But at least they care. At least they’re trying. What I wouldn’t give to-”

 

He snuck a peek as she winced, then amended, “A lot of people wish they had someone who gives a damn about them.”

 

As the silence stretched out between them, he mumbled, “So you think I should go?”

 

“I think you should think about it. Truly, honestly think about what would happen if you went for a single day, not trying to pick fights, not trying to prove anything, just- just to be there.”

 

As he kept glaring at the dandelion, Rey shrugged, “They might surprise you.”

 

Kylo snorted bitterly. “Yeah right. People don’t surprise you. They only disappoint,” he growled as he chucked the empty water bottle across the roof.

 

Rey’s heart broke a little at the pain underlining his words. “Everyone?”

 

His eyes met hers, and she was taken aback at the vulnerability revealed under the wave of alcohol, how young he looked, how hurt, how hopeful-

 

Until he barfed all over the concrete.

 

Leaping out of the way, Rey patted his back soothingly until he was done, then hauled him up out of the chair. “Alright, let’s get you home. And take some of your own weight, will you? I’m not Wonder Woman over here.”

 

After folding him into her car, then extricating him out of the cramped passenger seat and up to his apartment, Rey shooed him into his room and told him to put on some pajamas while she rummaged around for some water and painkillers.

 

She knocked, then slowly opened the door before freezing at the sight before her.

 

“Could you at least put on a shirt?” She squeaked, averting her eyes from his bare (and incredibly, shockingly toned) chest above his black pajama pants.

 

“‘S too hot.” He grumbled into his pillow and Rey had to will away several inappropriate replies that immediately came to mind.

 

“Well, this glass of water is for you to drink now, and the other one is sitting here with the aspirin for the morning. Okay?”

 

He grunted in response, then turned his head and dutifully drank more water before trying to bury his head into the pillow.

 

Biting back a laugh, Rey unconsciously brushed back his hair (dear God, it was so soft. It was a crime of nature that a man’s hair be that soft), then snatched her hand away.

 

“Alright, sleep tight, I’ll see you Monday,” she said all in a rush, backing away towards his door.

 

“Rey.”

 

The sound of her name, murmured sleepily in his low voice, flipped her stomach in a terrifyingly not-so-terrible way.

 

“I’ll think about it.” He told her, clearly fighting sleep. “Not promising anything, but I’ll do it.”

 

She gave him a slow, gentle smile. “Thank you, Ben.”

 

He shifted around, then yawned, “Though it migh’ not be so bad if you…”

 

A soft snore followed the half-formed thought, and Rey had to resist the temptation to run her fingers through his hair again.

 

“Good night,” she whispered, then stepped outside his apartment, locking the door behind her, and thumped her head against the wall.

  
_“Shit,_ I’m in trouble.”


	9. Orders

Monday morning started with Rey shoving every not-business-related thought to the back of her mind, and with Kylo avoiding all eye contact until she brought him his second cup of coffee.

 

“Alright, out with it.” Rey told him as she plunked down the mug. “What’s bothering you? You can’t still be hung over.”

 

“I am not-” He started to shout, then glanced around and whispered, “I am not hungover.”

 

“Then what? You haven’t looked at me all morning. Are you that embarrassed? Everyone pukes, you know.”

 

“Oh God,” he mumbled into his hands. “I  _ puked? _ And keep your voice down! Are you trying to tell the whole office?”

 

Rey stared at him with a sudden epiphany. “You don’t remember?”

 

“I… remember some things.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened at the party and then I’ll tell you,” he bargained with a tone that was probably meant to be intimidating, but came off as pitiful.

 

Rolling her eyes, she sat in the chair opposite his desk and began to recount the night. “Alright, so, when I first saw you at the party, you were about to punch Hux in the face.”

 

“Yes, yes. I remember that.”

 

“And then I saved you from your terrible life choices by dragging you away.”

 

“Ignoring the commentary on my life choices, and moving on.”

 

“Then…” her voice trailed off as the memory of his face inches from her own, the heat from his hands and chest radiating through her body, the way he held her, surfaced with a sudden vividness. Coughing, she shook her head and continued in a (hopefully) normal tone, “Then we... danced.

 

He watched her with unreadable eyes. “I remember,” he told her in a low voice, which then immediately recalled the  _ other  _ memory Rey was trying not to think about.

 

Putting on a light voice, she moved past the mental image currently reddening her cheeks, “You asked me to get you a glass of whiskey, and then proceeded to get very drunk very quickly by drinking any alcohol that crossed your line of vision.”

 

He winced, then conceded, “Alright, that’s fair. Things after that get… fuzzy.”

 

“I rescued you,  _ again _ , and we went up to the roof and talked.” 

 

Looking somewhat concerned, Kylo asked, “About what?”

 

Rey shrugged. “Your mom’s call. I told you that you should think about going, and then gave you advice on how to make good life choices, and then you got sick all over my shoes.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Eh, I already expensed the cleaning to the company.” Pretending not to notice his frown, she tilted her head in recollection and finished her story, “Anyway, I took you to your place, got you water and painkillers, then left.”

 

“Oh.” He sounded a strange mixture of relieved and disappointed. “I didn’t… say anything-” he fumbled for a word, “embarrassing?”

 

“Not unless it was the name of your teddy bear you slept with til you were twelve.”

 

“Lies!” Kylo argued defensively. “I only had Wicket with me til I was-” he stopped, then narrowed his eyes. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you.”

 

“Yes, and I now I know your teddy bear’s name is Wicket, which is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.” She gloated with a smirk.

 

He shook his head, then hesitated slightly before inquiring, “Seriously though, I didn’t tell you something… important?”

 

“You promised me you’d think about going home for Christmas, then you started snoring.” Rey frowned quizzically, then asked, “Why? Do you need to tell me something?”

 

He froze, then glanced up at her with a combination of panic and another emotion Rey couldn’t place. Taking a deep breath, the tips of his ears turning pink, he opened his mouth slowly, then nearly shouted, “Nope! Everything’s gine. I mean. Fine. It’s good and it’s fine.”

 

Slightly taken aback at his volume, Rey stared at him for a moment before standing up. “Well. If you do need to tell me something, I’m right out there,” she told him, pointing to her desk.

 

“Yes. I am fully aware of your location. Is that a phone ringing? Maybe you should check.” He said all at once as he waved her away.

 

She studied him in confusion and concern for a minute, then shook her head and went to her (silent) desk, closing his office door behind her and missing the way he thumped the back of his head against his headrest in frustration.

 

…

 

Days later, as he and the other VPs left their monthly meeting with Snoke, Phasma stopped him and Hux in the hall. 

 

“I got a referral. I am currently at capacity, so I’m giving it to one of you.” She informed them in a strict tone that implied she already considered this an epic failure.

 

“I would be the obvious choice,” Hux argued immediately. “I have an impeccable record-”

 

“Of screwing up giant accounts?” Kylo asked pointedly.

 

As Hux whirled around in anger, the tall blonde rolled her eyes and held out the file. “I don’t care who gets it, but it’s no longer my problem.”

 

Kylo grabbed it a second faster than Hux, then smirked as Phasma walked away with a loud sigh.

 

“Looks like the best man won again,” he told the ginger with a sneer.

 

“You sure you don’t need to check with your boss first?” Hux sneered. 

 

Kylo paused for a moment. “What?”

 

Sensing a weakness, Hux raised a patronizing eyebrow. “Oh, come now, Ren. We all know that the mouthy brunette is the real one running the show.” 

 

When Kylo only narrowed his eyes, Hux grinned. “It’s common knowledge that she dictates everything. Your schedule, your designs, your… focus.”

 

“What exactly are you trying to say, Armitage?” Kylo ground out through clenched teeth.

 

“Nothing at all, Ren. Nothing at all. I’m simply stating that I prefer my assistants to… well, assist, as it were. To do as I tell them, and not the other way around. To know their place.”

 

He leaned forward with an insidious grin, and whispered, “It’s clear to everyone that you know yours.”

 

As Hux stalked down the hallway, Kylo clutched the file with a sense of hollow victory.

 

Storming out of the elevator, he grabbed the proffered cup of coffee Rey was holding out as she followed him into his office.

 

“How was your meeting?” She asked cautiously, picking up his irritation as she always did.

 

“Fine. We got a new client.” He flung the file onto the desk and rubbed his temples. “Send them our standard proposal immediately.”

 

“Of course. I’ll get started on that right-”

 

He looked up to see her staring at the file, face ashen. “What? What is it?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” she swallowed, then clarified, “This is for TerraTech.”

 

“I’m aware. I read the dossier.”

 

“Aren’t… aren’t they the construction company that’s in the news because they’re being sued?”

 

“Yes. It’s called crisis communications, and they always pay the big bucks. Usually Hux and Phasma get them, but I snatched this right out of Hux’s hand.” He grabbed the ball with the pasty ginger’s face on it and bounced it vindictively off the floor.

 

“But… they’re being sued for negligent construction and wrongful death.” Rey told him slowly, as if waiting for a reaction.

 

“Hence why they need our help,” he responded firmly, trying to direct his frustration elsewhere.

 

Rey frowned at him in surprise. “TerraTech built hundreds of houses with cheap, substandard materials, sketchy subcontractors, and questionable practices, which led to half a dozen buildings collapsing. Nearly twenty people were injured, and five people were killed.”

 

He frowned at the barrage of information. “How the hell do you know all this?”

 

Clenching her jaw, Rey replied, “I read. There was an article about it in the newspaper, and-”

 

“People still read those?” 

 

“Ben. Five people are dead. We can’t just ignore-”

 

“We’re not ignoring. We’re fixing it. They’re coming to us for help and we’re going to give it to them.”

 

“But they haven’t changed any of their practices! They keep burying the lawsuits in motions, trying to run out the clock, and they’re avoiding all responsibility. They’re hiring you to cover everything up!”

 

As he stared fixedly at his screen, Rey waited a few beats, then asked, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

 

“Alright. Here’s something.” He responded in a clipped tone, sitting back in his chair. “So what?”

 

Rey gaped at him.  _ “So what?” _

 

“Yes. So what if they’re covering things up? So what if they did everything people said? Doesn’t change anything for me, because that’s not my job. My job is to come up with a successful campaign for them, and that’s it.”

 

“It’s not your job?” She repeated incredulously. “You can’t tell me you don’t care at least a li-”

 

“No. And it’s not your job to care, either.”

 

“But you can’t just-”

 

“I can do whatever I want!” He interrupted as he stood. “You can’t tell me how to do my job!”

 

“I’m just saying that if you defend someone who’s obviously guilty, it’ll look-”

 

_ “I do not need your help!”  _ Kylo shouted, slamming his fist onto the desk.

 

He was too furious at Hux for saying those things, too angry from the sting of them, too enraged that the fact the the ginger bastard might be right, to notice Rey take a small step back.

 

“I need you to do your job. To assist me. To do what I tell you, when I tell you, how I tell you.”

 

“Ben, I’m trying to help-”

 

Tired of her arguments, tired of this whole damn morning, he finally yelled, “I need you to  _ know your place!” _

 

Too late, he looked up and saw the hurt on her face, the shine on her eyes, the slight tremble of her lip. Struck with the sudden realization that he had gone too far, he opened his mouth to say something when her shoulders straightened, her chin lifted, and a firm, professional mask slid onto her face.

 

“As you wish, Mr. Ren,” she nodded with a deferential tone, then spun on her heel and walked out, the soft click of the door sounding like the slam of iron gates.

 

…

 

“He said what to you?” Rose asked in a shocked tone.

 

“It’s fine, Rose.” Rey told her friend as she ate another piece of sushi.

 

Rose cocked a disbelieving eyebrow. “Rey, I may not understand a lot about your and Ren’s work relationship, but even I know that it is not fine.”

 

“You know what, he’s right. I haven’t been professional, I’ve overstepped, and it’s not good for either of us. So from now on, I’m just going to be strictly business. Clear boundaries on work versus personal life, and that’s it.”

 

“Uh-huh. So, how many more mai tais is it going to take before you’re out of denial?”

 

“What denial?”

 

“Rey.” Rose reached across the table with a compassionate look. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

 

“I know that, and there’s nothing to-”

 

“I see the way you look at him.” Rose pointed out softly, and even Rey couldn’t find the words to deny that. “I’m your friend. You can tell me that it hurt.”

 

Rey drank more of the mai tai, then picked at the soy sauce label. “Of course it hurt,” she whispered. “But like I said, it’s better for everyone if there are no personal feelings involved.”

 

“You mean better for you.”

 

“Especially for me.” Rey repeated with soft vehemence, then stared at her phone. “It would end terribly anyway.”

 

Frowning, Rose tilted her head. “Why would it end terribly?”

 

“Because it always does. It ends terribly and then people leave.”

 

“Hey, I’m your friend. I’m not going to leave, and that’s never going to change.”

 

Still picking at the label, Rey tilted her head and murmured, “Never say never.”

 

_ “I _ say never,” Rose declared firmly, which elicited a small smile from Rey.

 

“You’re a good friend, Rose.”

 

The other girl flipped her hair with a grin. “I know.”

 

“Here’s to friendship, and keeping things at work strictly about business.”

 

Rose lifted her glass. “To Business Rey!”

 

Chuckling, Rey clinked her cocktail against Rose’s drink. “Business Rey!”

 

…

 

The following day, Kylo came out of the elevator with a large amount of bravado and a sensible amount of caution as he approached Rey’s desk.

 

Rey looked up, then shocked him with a tight, professional smile and a bright, “Good morning Mr. Ren.”

 

Halting in confusion, he settled for a firm nod, then was halfway into his office before he realized she wasn’t following him.

 

“Aren’t you going to tell me my schedule?” He asked after waffling awkwardly in the threshold for a few moments.

 

“I printed out your schedule and placed it on your desk. I also entered everything into your calendar with fifteen minute reminders.” She told him as she stapled the papers on her desk, then glanced up with that same, neutral smile. “I thought it would be more efficient for you, Mr. Ren.”

 

Unable to come up with a reason why it wasn’t more efficient, he stormed into his office with a low growl.

 

The rest of the week didn’t go much better.

 

Every time he saw her, she gave him that polished smile, nodded deferentially, then turned and left. She still anticipated his needs, still promptly handed him all relevant information, still fielded calls and communications that he didn’t want to deal with, all with the manner of a consummate professional personal assistant.

 

He hated it.

 

She didn’t joke with him, didn’t tease him, didn’t offer her thoughts about anything unless specifically asked, and even then they were vague rephrasings of “Whatever you think is best, Mr. Ren”.

 

He hated every kriffing thing about it.

 

Especially since he knew, despite all of his anger and rage at Hux, that she was doing what he told her to do. That all this was his fault. And as much as he tried to escape it, the thought plagued him every single time she presented that mask of a smile, that brisk, emotionless address of ‘Mr. Ren’.

 

Another week went by, and he vacilated between sulking and furious, depressed and destructive. But nothing changed her calm, unflappable, “If that’s what you’d like, Mr. Ren”.

 

God, he was miserable.

 

_ First you wanted her opinions, then you wanted her to be a mindless follower, and now you don’t? _ His internal voice asked with a mocking edge.  _ No wonder she’s fed up with you! Can’t even make up your mind about what you want! _

 

He wanted...

 

He wanted things to go back to normal. For her to laugh at him, to smirk, to roll her eyes when he was being dramatic. For her to stay and talk when she brought him coffee. To purposefully mix up his carefully organized pen cup so blue and black and red ink were all chaotically mixed together and attribute it to the second law of thermodynamics, grinning at his scowl and explanation that she could not blame entropy for everything.

 

But he had no idea how.

 

If only she would  _ listen _ , but her response to everything was that damned “Of course, Mr. Ren. Right away, Mr. Ren”.

 

Her voice suddenly echoed in his head, accompanied by her odd look of fond exasperation.  _...As much as you don’t want to hear it, the whole ‘we can’t listen if you don’t talk’ thing is a pretty valid point. _

 

Fine.  _ Fine _ . So they needed to talk. He could do that. He could say things and she could listen and everything could go back to how it was.

 

Right?

 

…

 

“Let me tell you, Finn. My favorite part of these endless client parties is the endless flow of booze,” Rey commented as she sipped her lavender martini with a sigh of satisfaction.

 

“I’ll drink to that!” Her friend agreed, lifting his beer in solidarity. “Booze solves so many problems.”

 

“Speaking of which,” Rey asked with a twinkle in her eye. “How are things going with Rose?”

 

Finn immediately spit out his drink. “What? Why? I mean, good. I- I mean, how should they be going?”

 

Rey watched him flounder for another minute before remarking, “Wow. That bad, huh?”

 

“No, it’s… it’s not going bad, it’s just… Look, Rose is beautiful and smart and I am really, really scared I’m going to screw this up.”

 

“Have you told her that?”

 

He stared at her with wide eyes. “Of course not! If I told her, then she’d know!”

 

“And then you two would be  _ communicating _ .” Rey informed him slowly, as if she was doubtful  he’d understand. “About a potential  _ relationship _ . Which is what successful couples  _ do _ .”

 

“What if… what if I tell her I’m afraid of screwing it up, and she walks away?” He asked, anxiety clear in his voice.

 

“Then you know she’s not the person for you.”

 

“But she’s perfect!”

 

“No one’s perfect, Finn. We’re all flawed, and all any of us flawed people can do is lay our cards on the table and see if we can make it work together.” She told him in a no-nonsense tone. “The only way you can do that is to have an actual honest conversation with her.”

 

Finn sighed as he took another sip of his beer. “I guess. It just sounds… hard.”

 

“Awww, poor little guy. Is talking about fee-wings hard?” Rey stuck out her lip and blinked until Finn shoved her lightly.

 

“Alright, alright. I get it.”

 

Rey elbowed him back with a smile. “Good. Because I don’t have time to watch you two tiptoe around each other, too afraid of doing something wrong to make any actual moves. I’ve got my own stuff to deal with.”

 

Raising an incredulous eyebrow, Finn raised the bottle to his lips and asked, “Oh really? Is the Prince of Dorkness causing troub-” He glimpsed something over her shoulder and promptly choked.

 

Thumping him on the back, Rey shook her head. “Finn, if you can’t talk and breathe at the same time, maybe we have bigger issues.”

 

“Rey?” A deep voice came from behind her, causing her eyes to widen as she slowly turned to see her boss.

 

Rose, bless her, chose that moment to appear next to Rey. “Rey, oh my goodness, I am so glad I found you, there is an emergency situation in the ladies’ room that needs your help urgently,” the girl explained with small, nervously defiant glances.

 

Finn nodded enthusiastically in support, and Rey’s heart melted a little at the way both of her friends were ready to whisk her away given the slightest signal.

 

“I was hoping to talk to you about… Dreadnaught Enterprises.” Kylo said slowly, watching the other two admins assume their battle stations.

 

After a long moment of silence stretched between them, Rey turned to Finn and Rose and whispered, “It’s okay,” then straightened and replied with her lukewarm smile, “Of course, Mr. Ren.”

 

Reveling slightly in the anger that flickered across his face, she followed him to the elevator, hands folded primly in front of her as she ignored the way he kept peeking at her face.

 

When they finally made it up to the roof, Rey took in the bottles of wine next to the cheap chairs, then folded her arms and frowned. “What is this?”

 

“Look, I… I want to talk to you.”

 

“Could have done that at the party,” Rey argued, starting to revert to her natural sarcasm.

 

“No, I… I wanted to… talk so you could listen.” He said, then flinched as Rey’s eyes flashed, then her mask immediately slipped back on.

 

Her tone went frigid. “Of course, Mr. Ren. What would you like to discuss?” 

 

“No, no, I didn’t- I just-” He paced across the roof, then burst out, “I hate this!”

 

“Hate what exactly, Mr. Ren?”

 

Waving his arms around in wide, frustrated gestures, he shouted, “That! This! All of the last two weeks!”

 

Her posture stiffening, Rey unclenched her jaw and asked, “Has there been an issue with my performance?”

 

“...No, it’s not that.”

 

“Have I left something incomplete, or neglected to assist you?”

 

He stared at her, then let out a tense, “No.”

 

“Have I ignored your instructions? Disobeyed a command? Done something that you didn’t explicitly tell me to do?” She demanded frostily.

 

He barked finally, “No, and I hate it!” 

 

Rey blinked. “You wanted this,” she told him, the ice in her voice slowly turning to hurt. “You told me this is what you wanted.”

 

Kylo scratched the back of his head, studying the ground, then dropped his hands to his side. “I know,” he admitted softly.

 

“You can’t be angry at me for listening to you,” she pointed out, rubbing her arms.

 

“Look, I… I didn’t mean it.”

 

She snapped her head up in outrage. “You didn’t mean it? The hell am I supposed to do with that?  _ ‘I didn’t mean it’. _ You certainly screamed it loud enough.”

 

He struggled for something to say, grasping for words, and looking to her for help. A minute passed, and Rey shook her head in disappointment.

 

“I can’t do this,” she told him, reaching for the door.

 

“I’m not good at this!” He called after her desperately.

 

She shot him a glare. “What? Ranting angrily while not apologizing? I’d say you’re pretty much in your element.”

 

She jerked the door open and heard a despairing, “I’m not good at fixing things.”

 

Pausing, she looked back and saw him slouched in defeat, his arms hanging, shoulders hunched as if expecting a blow, his eyes glancing up at her imploringly.

 

“Pretty great at destroying them, though,” he mumbled in a tone of self-loathing that she couldn’t ignore.

 

Biting her lip with a sigh, Rey half-turned towards him, still considering marching back down to the party and drinking every kind of liquor in sight.

 

“I’m sorry, Rey.” He murmured, the words spoken painfully, but out loud nonetheless. 

 

Narrowing her eyes, she looked towards the folding chairs and asked, “So, the wine is what? A peace offering?”

 

Looking up slowly, he shrugged. “Something like that.”

 

She walked over and examined the label, nodding slightly in approval. “Well, it’s a start. Did you bring any glasses?”

 

“Uh… no.”

 

Rolling her eyes, she sat down, took a swig, then pointed at him. “You better not be getting sick.”

 

Approaching slowly, he took the seat next to her, then drank from the bottle she offered. “The only one here with a record of infecting people is you,” he joked cautiously.

 

“It’d be good for you. Give you a chance to catch up on the Marvel movies.”

 

He took another drink, then passed the bottle back. “Those are the ones with superheroes, right?”

 

“I mean, there’s DC too, but yes.”

 

“Don’t they have a hundred movies?”

 

“Twenty.”

 

“Twenty? I was kidding, but that is far too many.”

 

“Not all of them are worth watching. There’s a decent debate about chronological vs. release date order, and how the tv series ties in-”

 

“There’s a tv show too?”

 

“Yup. Agent Carter is the best one though.”

 

“Who the hell is Agent Carter?”

 

“1940’s awesome badass British spy who has amazing fashion and is a fantastically developed female character.”

 

“Is she a superhero too?”

 

“Yes. Don’t like anyone tell you different.”

 

After they had worked through the rest of the wine and Phase One of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Rey wrestled with the cork of the second bottle, her brow furrowed in thought.

 

“I’m sorry too,” she told the bottle in an undertone as Kylo’s eyebrows shot up. “Whatever thoughts I had about the companies we work with, I should have been professional and kept them to myself. And you are good at your job. I never meant to make you feel otherwise.”

 

She struggled for a moment longer, then he warily held out his hand. Grunting in defeat, she gave it to him, scuffing her heel on the ground.

 

He pull out his keys and selected the longest one, then announced softly, “I gave TerraTech to Hux.”

 

Rey snapped her head up in surprise. “You did?”

 

“Not because of you,” he stated firmly, poking his key into the cork at an angle and slowly pulling it up. “But because they were far too needy and time-consuming and I’ve got plenty of accounts already.”

 

“Of course,” Rey agreed softly, watching him with an air of quiet astonishment.

 

After twisting it, the cork eventually came out with a pop, and Kylo glanced at her with silent questions in his eyes.

 

“I loosened it for you.” Rey informed him glibly as he passed the bottle back.

 

The tiniest amount of humor crept into his voice. “Of course you did.”

 

Rey tipped the bottle back, then looked up to the stars until Kylo mumbled softly, “Are you still mad at me?”

 

Sighing heavily, Rey stared back up at the sky. “I was never mad at you. I just… You act like you don’t care, like you shouldn’t care, and… you can be so much better than this. More than this”

 

He frowned at her. “More than what? I’m the Vice President of Creative Design and Business Development at a world-class firm. I’m next in line to be CEO when Snoke retires. I’m one of the youngest and most successful people in the First Order.”

 

“Is that all you want?” Rey interrupted to ask. “Because if all you want out of life is a fancy title and a big paycheck, then sure, you’ve made it. But what about everything else? Friends? Family?”

 

“I don’t want a family,” he growled.

 

Rey rolled her eyes at him. “There’s more than one kind of family.” She studied the design on the wine bottle and murmured, “Take it from someone who knows.”

 

Taking another sip, she whirled around and pointed her finger firmly at him. “You can’t just have work be the only thing in your life. Especially at this place. Don’t you want anything else?”

 

He stared at her with something akin to alarm in his eyes, before turning the tables. “Well, what about you?”

 

“I have friends, thank you very much.”

 

“You met Traitor and that one girl at work. You don’t talk to anyone else, and I certainly haven’t heard about any hobbies that don’t include a television.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“If you don’t care about money or titles, if you hate this place so much, then why are  _ you  _ here?”

 

It was now Rey’s turn to feel fear creeping up her throat as her heart started pounding in apprehension. Forcing herself to relax, she let out a calming breath, met his eyes, then simply stated, “I’m here to help you, Ben. Whether you believe me or not.”

 

She met his gaze with all the composure she could muster, then watched the corner of his mouth turn up.

 

“You’re not mad at me any more.”

 

Throwing her hands up in the air, Rey explained, “I just spent the last ten minutes explaining why I’m not- And how would you know?”

 

“You called me Ben.” He answered softly, his small smile growing, and Rey’s heart began to speed up for an entirely different reason.

 

“You hate that name,” she reminded him.

 

His caramel eyes stared dreamily at her as he whispered, “Not when it comes from you.”

 

She needed to leave. Needed to be strong, to use every objection she gave to Rose, to remember that this was going to end, and going to end badly, in hurt, in betrayal.

 

But she couldn’t help but to be pulled in by his honesty, his vulnerability, the rare smile just for her. The slope of his broad shoulders as he leaned forward, the shape of his mouth as he bit his lip, the heat of his breath as she drew closer-

 

They both jumped apart as the door slammed open, drunk giggles bouncing off the concrete as the intruders shushed each other with loud, ineffective whispers.

 

Rey and Kylo whirled around to see Rose and Finn, clothes rumpled as their arms wrapped around each other, staring at the other two in horror.

 

“Sorry! Didn’t know the roof was taken!” Rose squeaked, then pulled an ogling Finn back down the stairs behind her.

 

Her cheeks flushing with embarrassment, Rey facepalmed into her hands as Kylo continued to stare at the now closed door.

 

“Were they going to… Did they think that we…?” He started to ask until Rey held up her hand.

 

“I’m trying really hard not to think about it.”

 

Kylo glanced at her with a sudden worry. “Do you think they’ll say-?”

 

“Don’t worry. They’re my friends and I have blackmail. We’re good.”

 

He shot her a look, then shrugged. “Alright then.”

 

“Well, it’s late, and I should go,” Rey told him, finally listening to every sense of self-preservation left.

 

“Oh. I suppose it is late.” He squinted at the night sky, as if he could tell the time.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

“No, I… I think I’ll sit a while. You’re right. This is a good place to think.”

 

That earned him a slow smile of his own. “It is, isn’t it? Well, enjoy your roof and your stars,” Rey bid him goodbye and started towards the exit.

 

“Rey.”

 

She turned to look back at his open expression. “Are we… okay?”

 

Her smile growing wider and warmer, Rey nodded. “We’re okay.  _ Ben _ ,” she teased with a wink.

 

He gave her a ghost of a chuckle, then called out, “See you Monday.”

 

“See you Monday.” She waved, closing the door behind her, a happy glow settling in her heart.

 

…

 

Kylo breathed a long sigh of relief, the weight rolling off his shoulders at the use of his birth name. He had done it. He had fixed something. It was something that he broke, but still. Maybe he could be good at something besides work.

 

Maybe he wanted something more. Something better.

 

A sudden motivation pushed him to his feet, his steps only a little unsteady, and he raced to the stairs. He opened the door, trying to come up with a speech, with words to express how he felt, how she made him feel, how she made him better-

 

“...know it’s late, but I wanted to give you my update by the beginning of the month.” Rey’s voice echoed up the metal steps, halting Kylo’s train of thought in its tracks.

 

The was a pause as she listened to her phone, Kylo slowly making his way down, stepping as lightly as possible, knowing he shouldn’t be listening in on a personal conversation, but too curious to announce his presence yet.

 

“Absolutely. Well, nothing much to report, he’s pretty much the same as I described last month.”

 

He stopped half a flight above her, close enough to just make out the voice on the other line.

 

A familiar alto reached his spot on the landing, freezing every drop of air in his lungs. “Alright, Rey. But you’ll let me know if anything changes?” 

 

“Of course, Leia. Don’t I always?”

 

A high-pitched ringing filled his ears as Rey said something, then pressed the red button on her phone. She let out a sigh, then pushed through the door to the elevator bay, leaving Kylo to slide down the cold metal wall behind her, his heart beating loudly through every inch of his body, even though he was fairly certain it had just been entirely ripped out of his chest.


	10. Loyalties

Rey walked in to the First Order humming a happy song and greeting the security guards with a bright smile. When Terry told her that Kylo was already here, she paused at the oddity, then shrugged it off. He was probably catching up on work or couldn’t sleep. 

 

She certainly hadn’t been able to. Not when her mind kept bringing up the intensity of his gaze, the way he leaned towards her, how she leaned towards him, how everything could have been just-

 

“Morning!” She called cheerfully as she walked into his office, then paused as she saw the back of his chair facing her. “You’re here early. Did you already get coffee, or should I-”

 

“Here to help, you said,” he interrupted in a low, almost mocking tone. 

 

Rey tilted her head in confusion. “What?”

 

“That’s what you told me. That you were here to help.”

 

She frowned at the back of his chair. “I am.”

 

“Whether I believed it or not.”

 

“Ben, are you alright? You sound-”

 

He turned around suddenly, his eyes hard as flint. “I know, Rey.”

 

Trying to ignore the chill down her spine, Rey attempted a normal tone. “What on earth are you talking about?”

 

“How long have you been working with my mother?” He demanded.

 

Her blood running cold, she took a small, conciliatory step forward. “Ben-”

 

“Don’t.” He commanded, glaring at her through lowered brows. “Don’t lie to me. How long have you been spying for her?”

 

She met his eyes, a whirl of conflicting emotions running through her mind. 

 

Fear. 

 

(Relief) 

 

Shame.

 

(Hurt) 

 

Regret. 

 

After locking everything away, she relaxed her shoulders, lifted her chin, and met his eyes without flinching. (She knew this day was going to come. No matter how much she didn’t want it to. Not matter what dreams, what hopes she might have had. They were just that - dreams. She should have known better. All that was left to do was to live with the consequences.)

 

“Since I started working here,” she answered in an even voice. 

 

Kylo blinked in shock at her honesty; vindication, betrayal, and anger all flickering across his face at the confirmation.

 

Choosing her words carefully, Rey explained, “When Leia found out I had been assigned here, she asked me to keep an eye out. To report to her once a month with how you were doing.”

 

“And what did she want to know? My failures? My flaws? How everyone hates me?” He spat angrily, a sneer on his lips.

 

“No! Nothing like that. She just wanted to know if… if you were happy,” Rey told him, pausing for the reaction she knew was coming.

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“Call it what you want, but that’s all she ever asked me. All she wanted to know was how you were doing, if you were alright.” She waited until he met her gaze. “If you were happy.”

 

As he slowly crushed the rubber ball in his hand, Rey lowered her eyes to the ground and listened to his long, barely-controlled breaths as he tried to process everything.

 

“What did you tell her?” 

 

Rey’s head snapped up. “What?”

 

His voice was sharp, pointed. “If that’s all she asked, then what did you tell her?”

 

Rey hesitated. “I made my first report when I had only been here a month and I didn’t reall-”

 

_ “Tell me!” _ He shouted, knocking his pen cup to the floor.

 

After letting a few seconds go by, Rey bit her lip and looked up as calmly as she could. “I told her no. You weren’t happy. I told her that you didn’t have any friends or family in contact with you, no personal hobbies or interests. Your whole life was work. You came early and stayed late. I told her everyone here was scared of you, wanted your job, or wanted to control you. You were angry and short-tempered and thought of no one besides yourself.”

 

Her words hovered between them, true and hurtful and honest and cutting, drawing in all the air in the room until she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

 

“And then…” 

 

Kylo glanced up at her words, the tiniest bit of heart-breaking hope in his eyes.

 

“Over the next couple months, I told her that you changed. Not overnight, by any means, but I could still see it, little by little. You became… more patient. Less angry. You even sort of smiled, once or twice.” A ghost of a grin appeared at the memory, then she sighed. “I told her that I thought that all you needed was someone you could actually-”

 

“Trust?” He interrupted, an edge of bitterness in his voice.

 

Rey dug her fingernails into her palm (an old foster kid trick), using the pain to force back the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

 

“Why? Wait - let me guess,” he sneered in an acerbic tone, “she asked.”

 

Before Rey could respond, he ran his hands through his hair and growled, “You’d think her being a kriffing Senator and running that damn paper would be enough to occupy her time, but no.”

 

Clenching her jaw, Rey replied, “She cares about you, Ben-”

 

He gestured angrily at her. “Oh no - I have to take that shit from her, but not from you.”

 

“You cut off all contact with them. I get it. So does she. But she just wanted to know if you were okay.”

 

Kylo looked to the side with a snort. “Like she’s ever cared about that before.”

 

“She asked me to tell her how you were. Not to say anything, not to do anything, not to interfere with your life at all, just to let her know.” Rey blinked rapidly, fighting back the sting of tears. “She’s trying so hard, and she cares so much. Do you know what I would do to have someone give a damn-”

 

“This is not about you!” He bellowed, throwing the remains of the rubber ball on the floor.

 

As she set her jaw, Rey cleared her face of all emotion. “You’re right,” she replied in clipped tones. “It’s not.”

 

Meeting his eyes, ablaze with resentment and fury, with as much detachment as she could muster, she let out a long breath and asked, “Now what?”

 

The air between them filled with unspoken words (wishes, apologies, regrets), and just as Kylo opened his mouth, the office door opened forcefully.

 

“There you are,” Phasma’s steely tone sliced through their silence. “Snoke wants to see you.”

 

Kylo immediately turned his frustration on the tall blonde. “I am in the middle of-”

 

“Not you,” Phasma interrupted firmly, then jerked her chin at Rey. “Her.”

 

Rey’s blood ran cold. “Me? Wh-why?”

 

“You’ll find that Snoke asks the questions here.”

 

Glancing back at Kylo, who honestly looked as frightened as Rey felt, her hand unconsciously started to reach towards him, his hand rising in response.

 

“Now.” Phasma ordered, narrowing her eyes when Kylo stepped forward. “Not you. Snoke asked for her alone.”

 

“But-”

 

“No.” She cut him off, then spun Rey towards the door. “You, move.”

 

With one last glimpse of Kylo’s ashen face, Rey was summarily marched away to the 50th floor.

 

“Miss Niima,” Snoke greeted unctuously from his desk, after Phasma had all but tossed her into his office. “Please, sit.”

 

Swallowing, Rey sat slowly in the plush leather chair, watching the CEO of the First Order as he smiled predatorily.

 

“Now, how long have you been working here?”

 

“A-about ten months,” Rey told him, resisting the urge to run.

 

“Such amazing results in such a short time,” he complimented with calculating eyes.

 

Rey furrowed her brows in confusion. “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t follow.”

 

“I’ve heard so much about your… skills. And how well they work on Ren.”

 

Her frown deepened. “I simply do as he tells me, sir.”

 

“Oh come now, you can be honest with me. Ren has always been gifted, but he’s immature. Rash. Emotional. Far too much heart for this job.” Snoke rose and slowly circled the desk. “But lately, his numbers are climbing, client reviews are glowing, and word is that the reason for all of this…” He came around and sat in the chair next to her, pointing a spindle-like finger towards her, “is you.”

 

“Mr. Ren is very good at his job,” Rey told him, a hint of defiance slipping through her voice. “His numbers were already outstanding, and his drive and eye for design placed him at the front of his division years ago.”

 

For some reason, this seemed to amuse Snoke. “Indeed. Ren possesses raw talent, certainly, but your ability to curb his outbursts, to rein in his impulses, is quite remarkable in and of itself. And your loyalty to him is even more… laudable.”

 

He stood again, walking purposefully behind Rey, almost accidentally touching the tips of her hair as Rey’s skin crawled. “So, Miss Niima, I have a proposition for you.” He leaned close, Rey stifling to urge to flinch, and continued, “One that I believe would be… beneficial to everyone involved.”

 

Snoke circled back to his chair, a victorious smirk already playing across his lips. “I urge you to accept.”

 

…

 

Kylo paced in his office, peering out the windows every few seconds as he bit his nails (a habit he had kicked as a child, but had now returned with a vengeance) and waited for Rey to return.

 

He marched back and forth, back and forth, every possible variation of her meeting with Snoke playing out in vicious, vivid detail in his mind’s eye.

 

The things Snoke said, Snoke did, to him were only because he deserved them. When he failed, when he disappointed, when he proved that he was worthless, inadequate, incompetent, everything that Snoke tried to train out of him. 

 

But Rey was different. She didn’t deserve any of that - deception or not.

 

Besides, Snoke couldn’t know about her spying for Leia. Kylo worked with her every day and only just found out by accident. There was no way he could know.

 

Right?

 

His pacing got faster. Back and forth and back and forth.

 

After what felt like hours, he peeking out the window and saw Rey nearly stumbling back to her desk. Ducking outside, he grabbed her arm in a frantic grip and yanked her into his office.

 

“Are you alright? Are you okay? Did anything happened? Did he fire you? I swear to God, Rey, I didn’t tell him. What did he say to you?”

 

Still dazed, and now beleaguered by questions, Rey tried to formulate her thoughts.

 

“He… he offered me a job.”

 

Kylo froze. “What?”

 

“Technically a promotion, I think?” She explained, rubbing her face in exhaustion. “He… he wants me to work for him.”

 

A wave of cold fury quickly washed away every concern he had. Of course. It was just his luck, wasn’t it? She betrays him, and she gets a raise. He tries to do anything, to want anything, and it blows up in his face.

 

“Well,” He started coldly, taking a step back and crossing his arms. “Congratulations.”

 

Rey glanced up at him, perplexed. “I didn’t take the job. I told him I had to think about it, to talk to you about-”

 

“Of course you’re taking the job,” he told her, forcing lightness into his tone. “You’d be a fool not to. You get a fancy title and a big paycheck, and I get a receptionist who hasn’t stabbed me in the back. It’s a win for everyone.”

 

Watching him with something abhorrently close to hurt, Rey reached out to touch his arm. “Ben, if you don’t want me to take the job, I won’t.”

 

He shook off her hand, stepped back, and nearly shouted, “I want you to take it! Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m finally getting someone who listens. Who takes orders. Who isn’t so…  _ mouthy _ .”

 

Rey jerked back, a sign that the barb struck true. Blinking rapidly, she wrapped her arms around herself and stood. “So all that talk on the roof… that’s all it was? Talk?”

 

“Apparently,” he bit out, ignoring the distant clamoring of his inner voice, telling him he needed to stop, that he was going to regret this.

 

She stared at him a moment, then bit her lip. “Guess I was an idiot to believe you.”

 

His throat thickening, he swallowed and spit out, “So was I.”

 

Brightness shining at the corner of her eyes, Rey let out a short breath, then took a half-step towards him. “Ben, I-”

 

“Have your desk cleared out by the end of the day.” He ordered, sitting down and staring fixedly at his computer. “The next PA should be here by tomorrow.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her hesitate, then slowly leave, closing the door behind her. He refused to watch her through the window, betting that she was doing her utmost to look as pitiful and wounded as possible. As if she was the one who was wronged in all this.

 

Finally, the door creaked open. 

 

“Finished?” He demanded, angrily deleting emails.

 

“Almost.” Rey answered softly, then held out her hand. “This doesn’t belong to me. I was wondering if you wanted it.”

 

He glanced up and saw the small golden robot sitting in her palm. The gift his mother had sent. The one that she rescued. The one she tormented him with by placing in sight of the window, waiting until he came to her desk, all growls and scowls until she moved it. The one she always put back in his line of vision a day or so later, so he’d have to go and negotiate with her again.

 

Nodding brusquely, he stated, “I do want it.”

 

Surprise clear on her face, Rey gently placed the mechanical toy on his desk. The second it touched the glass surface, he snatched it and slammed it into his trash can, feeling petty victory as she let out a pained gasp.

 

“If that’s all?” He asked, a tiny part of him terrified of the anger that flashed across Rey’s face. But the anger was soon replaced with guilt, and she turned away after a few moments, hands still curled into fists.

 

Pausing in the doorway, she half-turned towards him. “Look, Ben… if this is good-bye, I just… I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m sure you are!” He sneered, then went back to his typing, knowing that despite all his rage, all his fury, a single tear from her would destroy every defense he had in place.

 

The only sound was a ragged breath, as if she might say something else, then the door closed behind her, all life leaving the room with her.

 

(If he snatched the robot out of the trash as soon as she was gone and shoved it into his drawer, telling himself it was only to destroy it properly later… well, no one was around to see.)

 

(He was completely alone.)

 

(As always.)


	11. Truths

Silence.

 

As a child, he craved it. Between press releases and speeches for his mother, races and award ceremonies for his father, plus the innumerable parties and functions he was dragged to, silence was a rare and precious gift.

 

He hid in his room, sketching, drawing, lettering, blocking all other noise out so he could concentrate. It’s where he felt the most himself, where he could simply… be.

 

As an adult, he cherished his silence. Silence from his parents, from their demands and guilt and belated apologies. His scowls and glares made most scurry away in fear, to fill someone else’s ears with meaningless chatter. His apartment was a shrine to quiet, efficient solitude, and he liked it that way.

 

 _(Except when she was there,_ his internal voice reminded him. _Talking, laughing, clattering plates and mugs and quoting along with her movies.)_

 

He shoved the thought away, but it was too late.

 

 _(It’s too late,_ echoed the voice sadly, full of dashed hopes and wounded regrets.)

 

All silence meant now was the chasm that stretched between them, the invitation for a thousand memories to rain out of the sky and drown him in what-could-have-beens, the wordlessness that engulfed him whenever he ran into her at the office.

 

And dear God, he ran into her _all the kriffing time._

 

He could have sworn she was haunting him. He’d make a trip to the legal department to double check a contract revision, and there she was, buddying up to the lead admin. He’d wander down to the accounting department to resolve a paycheck issue, and she’d be schmoozing the Head of Accounting by cooing at pictures of old biddy’s dumb offspring. He once caught her outright flirting with the tech guy down in IT, who honestly looked like her speaking to him was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

 

(And maybe it was, and maybe he sort-of vaguely knew what that felt like, but still! Unbelievable.)

 

The worst was meetings with Snoke.

 

Even though Snoke rarely came to any of the weekly planning meetings before, suddenly he attended every single one, bring Rey with him to ‘take notes’.

 

Rey took notes alright, but behind her bland professional mask, Kylo could almost feel her vibrating with anger. At first he was confused - why stare at him with wide doe-eyes everywhere else, but sit with barely contained fury here? Then he realized the only possible explanation.

 

She hated him.

 

She hated him so much that she was clearly only working for Snoke to spite him. To make him see her suffering, make him pay for throwing her out.

 

Well, it wasn’t going to work. She had betrayed him, spied on him, said awful, malicious things about him - to his mother, of all people!

 

(Nevermind that his mother hadn’t tried to interfere for once in her life, hadn’t asked Rey to make him call or write or feel guilty about his estrangement.)

 

(Nevermind that Rey had pointed out that he’d changed, nevermind that she told him most of those things directly to his face, often with a tone dangerously close to exasperated fondness.)

 

None of it mattered. If she wanted to hate him - fine. He didn’t care.

 

Not. One. Bit.

 

Until Christmas.

 

His attendance at the company party (two days before the damned holiday itself) was mandatory, but they hadn’t mentioned a minimum time (or if they did, his timid new PA Mitaka hadn’t mentioned it). He showed up late, shook some hands, found some whiskey, then headed directly up to his office.

 

In a strange deja vu, he glimpsed the light in his office flickering as he stepped out of the elevator. Shaking his head in anger, pleased to have someone to yell at finally, he peered around the edge of the window frame, ready to scare the everliving daylights out of whoever dare disturb his domain-

 

His eyes widened.

 

Rey.

 

A vision in a white lace dress, her waist cinched in with a wide belt, varying sizes of circles adorning the light chiffon and creating a delicate snowfall effect as the fabric floated behind her.

 

She looked like Christmas.

 

Like every Christmas he ever wanted to have, with warmth and joy and magic.

 

Then he saw her face.

 

Her eyes studied the gray walls with an odd sense of mourning. Her fingers trailed over his chair, his desk, his mug as if she was trying to memorize them. She took a long breath in, as if to take the scent of his cold coffee, the faint trace of his cologne, the spilled ink from broken pens with her.

 

He frowned as she reached into her purse, telling himself that this had to be a trick, some sort of show she was putting on for his benefit. She drew out a thin, rectangular box, wrapped in shining golden paper, then bit her lip and glanced between the gift and his desk.

 

He watched her internal debate play out as she nearly put the box down, then stepped away, then went back to the desk, then walked halfway to the door, then finally muttered something that sounded like “Screw it,” before placing the present in front of his chair.

 

Hesitating, she touched the gift with the tips of her fingers, her shoulders drooping, and murmured softly, “Sorry, Ben.”

 

She pulled out a small card from her purse, then shook her head, turned out the lights, left his office, and tossed the bit of paper into the trash can under what used to be her desk.

 

Kylo, who was now pressed up alongside the wall like an ungainly curtain, slowly poked his head out to see her enter the elevator, swiping at her eyes and sniffing as she pressed the button.

 

Once the doors closed, he snapped the lights back on and ripped open the shimmering wrapping on the box. Blinking at the dark hardwood case, he lifted the lid, then stared at the fountain pen laying on the soft black velvet.

 

The handle was a deep, rich wine-colored wood, with a sharp gold nib that had a delicate inscription engraved in a flowing script -  _Numquam Tibi Mentiri._

 

_Never lie to yourself._

 

After a moment, he went outside to grab the card she had thrown away - curious about what she had written, why she didn’t want him to see it.

 

_“Ink is by far the most powerful element. It has authored wars and penned poems. It brings light to the forgotten, life to the dead, shame to the living, shadows to the sun. It can be salt in the wound or a balm to the soul._

 

_It is all these things because ink creates art. Picasso believed that art is the lie that tells the truth, and everything ink creates, every word it inscribes, every story, every soul, is a balance between the two._

 

_In all the lies, in every truth, I hold one thing close -_

 

_Never lie to yourself._

 

_It has helped me find my edges. To define my strengths._

 

_I hope you use this to find who you are. To find your balance.”_

 

There was an inkspot beneath, as if her pen had paused, unsure how to end it, before she simply signed her name.

 

He sat heavily in his chair, reverent hands reaching for the pen, then he slammed the lid closed and thumped his head on his desk in defeat.

 

(So maybe he did care.)

 

(And maybe it would be the death of him.)

 

…

 

Rey tipped back her second martini, praying for enough strength to get her through this hell of a night.

 

“Whoa, easy on the cocktails there, Rey,” Rose laughed. “It’s New Year’s Eve, not a race.”

 

“Guys!” Finn gushed, running over with wide eyes. “I mean, girls. Ladies. Whatever! Point is, this hotel is the best! They have a chocolate fountain, and a cheese fountain, and a marshmallow fountain! Stay right there and I’ll get you fruit things with all of them!”

 

As he rushed away, Rose shook her head with a smile. “Okay, if it is a race, I think Finn is winning.”

 

Rey gave her a small grin, then went back on alert as she scanned the party.

 

After watching her for a moment, Rose asked “Are you okay? I’ve barely heard from you these last few weeks.”

 

Rey forced a smile. “I’m just stressed is all. Trying to get everything done at once.”

 

Tilting her head, the other girl frowned. “It can’t be more stressful than working for Kylo, can it?”

 

“Trust me, this is worse,” Rey mumbled as she finished the martini and flagged down a waiter to ask for another. “So much worse.”

 

She glanced up to see Rose studying her with a shade of concern. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

 

Letting out a breath and a genuine smile, Rey focused her attention on her friend. “I know. And, someday, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”

 

After giving Rey another sympathetic pat on the arm, Rose nodded. “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.”

 

“I’m sure you will,” Rey smiled back.

 

“Miss Niima.”

 

Rey suppressed a shudder, then turned with a bright, professional smile. “Yes, Mr. Snoke. How can I help you?”

 

“You remember the changes I discussed for the referral process?” The CEO asked as he took her elbow and guided her across the room, leaving Rose frowning in thought behind them.

 

“Of course, sir. My notes are on the shared drive, but I can email you a copy directly if you’d prefer?” Rey told him, using the excuse of pulling out her phone as a way to step out of his grip.

 

Undeterred, he grabbed her elbow again. “Oh no, no. I simply would like you to review them with one of the staff that seems to have difficulty grasping the concept.”

 

“Of course. Which employee? I can email them the notes and review it with them after the holid-”

 

“I’d rather you discuss it now.” Snoke interrupted, the bit of glee in his voice warning Rey that this wasn’t going to be good. “While it’s still fresh.”

 

“Of course, sir, but I can always-”

 

“Ren!”

 

Oh no. Oh God no.

 

Kylo turned moodily around, then froze at the sight of them approaching.

 

“You seem to be unable to understand the recent changes to the referral process, so I’ve brought Miss Niima here to explain it to you.”

 

“Sir, I’m sure Mr. Ren is fully capable of-”

 

“No, no, I can look up the revisions myself-”

 

Snoke silenced both of them with a glare. “I will not hear excuses. Now, Miss Niima will explain the updates in full, and you will marshall all of your meager intelligence to understand her. Are we clear?”

 

Glancing at Kylo’s ever-tightening grip on his glass, Rey plastered on an amiable smile. “Of course, Mr. Snoke. I’ll see that everything is to your satisfaction.”

 

He gave Kylo an oily smirk. “You see? At least someone here understands how to do their job.”

Barbara, Snoke’s executive personal assistant, suddenly appeared with a quiet word about several board members arriving. Rheumy eyes shining with cruel felicity, Snoke departed with a low, “To my satisfaction, Miss Niima.”

 

“Of course, sir.” Rey answered, then turned back to Kylo, who looked like he very much wanted to glare, but was too busy ogling her dress.

 

She knew the silver gown was probably too much, but she had a weakness for beautiful dresses, and had convinced herself that he would skip the New Year’s party the same he did for the Christmas one, so what would be the harm? The smooth silk slithered against her skin, and the sparkling chiffon overlay was a dazzling display of beading and embroidered flowers, complete with a small, flattering peplum of the unadorned shimmery fabric. The v-neck was teasing, yet modest, with a plunging back that displayed her shoulders and waist.

 

“Ben,” she called quietly, but his dark eyes were slowly trailing up her waist, soaking in every detail. Ignoring the way her heartbeat started to pick up, she said his name again, a bit more loudly. “Ben.”

 

He was now studying her neckline, accented with small, dangling pearl beads, his breath getting shallower and faster as his eyes dived down-

 

“Mr. Ren!” She said with a bit of force behind it, and his head snapped up as he immediately blushed. Clearing her throat, she put on her most professional manner and asked, “If you do want me to go over the revisions, I can, but it’s all on the shared drive if you-”

 

“Is that how you do things now?” He muttered, ears and face still red. “To his satisfaction?”

 

She could feel the fury rise in her throat and she grit out through her teeth, “I’m doing my job the best I can.”

 

“Right,” he spat out, avoiding her gaze. “Look, I get it. You don’t have to keep parading around in front of me. Your point has been made loud and clear to everyone, so you can quit now.”

 

He spun on his heel and headed for the exit, leaving Rey stunned behind him.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” she hissed, stalking after him as best her glittering heels would let her. He shoved the doors to the hotel’s emergency stairwell open, then tried to slam them closed. Rey set her shoulder to one door and forced it back, catching Kylo by surprise as he stumbled backward.

 

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” She demanded, hands on her hips and using the extra four inches from her heels to their best effect as she stared him down.

 

He turned his head petulantly and stared at the floor. “Like you don’t know.”

 

“I _don’t_ know! That’s why I chased you down and asked you a simple question! The least you could do is have the decency to answer it! So - what are you talking about? What point am I making?”

 

“That you hate me,” he murmured, and Rey took a startled step back. “You’re only working for Snoke to spite me, to make me miserable. Well, it’s working, so I hope you’re happy!”

 

Eyes blazing, Rey marched two steps forward. “Setting aside the truly dizzying about of narcissism in that sentence - you told me to take this job.”

 

Kylo set his jaw stubbornly as he focused on the far wall.

 

Digging her nails into her palm to keep the tears at bay, Rey bit out, “I offered to stay - definitely shouldn’t have, but I did. I offered and you threw it in my face. You said you wanted someone who listens, who takes orders, who isn’t so _mouthy_. You wanted this!”

 

His anger finally boiled over. “Not anymore!” He shouted, standing to his full height.

 

“Then _what_ , Ben? _What the hell do you want?!”_ She bellowed back.

 

In a swift, sudden move that surprised them both, he leapt forward and crashed his mouth onto hers. Stunned for the second time that night, it took Rey a split second to reach up and tangle her fingers in his hair as she desperately tried to pull him closer.

 

With a low moan, he spun her around and pinned her against the wall, hitching his arms under her thighs and lifting her up to his height. She kicked off her shoes and hooked her legs behind him, the beads on her dress catching on his shirt as he nipped fervently at her neck. Lolling her head back to give him better access, burying her fingers in his sinfully soft hair, she gasped a little as he lightly ran his nails across her bare back, sending goosebumps along every inch of her skin.

 

Tugging him back to her mouth, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed in as close as she could, inhaling the scent of his sandalwood cologne, memorizing the feel of his heartbeat pounding through his chest, the sound of his breath catching as she cradled his face, the scratch of his stubble against her palm, the breadth of his shoulders, the ripple of his muscles as he caressed her spine, the way his caramel eyes, swirling with color, looked aching and feverish and reverent all at once.

 

Little by little, he started to lower her, still kissing her deeply as she slid down his chest, his thumb gently tracing over her cheekbone as he pulled back, breathing ragged and gaze ardent. Her bare feet touched the cold floor, and she blinked up at him through heavy lids, their height difference highlighted by the fact that he had to bend down several inches to softly rest his forehead on hers, their noses tenderly brushing past each other.

 

“You,” he breathed, and she worked to open her half-lidded eyes, most of her brain still replaying every second of that kiss (and imagining what would happen if he kissed her like that again).

 

“All I’ve ever wanted is you,” he whispered in a half-broken voice, full of grief and hope and heartbreak.

 

Reaching up to stroke his cheek, her vision blurred with tears as his large hand covered her own, turing his face to kiss it. She opened her mouth to tell him the truth - she wanted this, wanted him, with every fiber of her being.

 

“I-”

 

A cold wave of realization struck her like a physical blow. If he knew the truth, about who she was, why she was there, what she was doing…

 

She already hurt him once. She couldn’t do this, couldn’t tell him how she felt, what she wanted, how desperately she wanted it - because she’d still be lying to him. Lying to herself.

 

Screwing up her courage, she bit her lip and let out a shuddering breath, forcing out the words like broken glass in her throat.

 

“I- I can’t.”

 

Pausing only to grab her shoes, Rey rushed outside, trying to muffle her sobs until she was out of earshot, knowing that the shattered look on his face would ruin any resolve she still had.

 

(It had ended terribly.)

 

(Just like it always did.)

 

(Should have known.)

 

…

 

There had to be something else to break in this damn apartment.

 

But no, the vases had been smashed, the chairs kicked over, the plates thrown into the wall, the table flipped on its side. (The mugs, all the same design as the ones he used at work, remained untouched on their shelf, some part of him secretly guarding them against his destruction).

 

The timid knock at the door must be one of the braver neighbors, trying to threaten him with the police if he didn’t quiet down, no doubt. Who else would be up at 3 am if they hadn’t just had their heart ground into dust?

 

He swung open the door, ready to shout that he paid rent like everyone else, so they had no right to-

 

“Rey.”

 

Her costly evening dress was oddly paired with a well-worn sweatshirt and scuffed sneakers, her make-up was starting to smudge, and her hair was down in haphazard waves.

 

“Can I come in?” Her voice was reserved, determined.

 

Unable to speak yet, he swept open his arm, wincing as he turned and saw the disaster of his living room through fresh eyes.

 

She picked through the scattered remains of his dishware without comment, pausing only to right a kitchen chair and bring it over to face the couch. He slowly sat on the sofa as she ran her hands through her hair and let out a harried sigh.

 

“Before I say anything else,” she told him, her hazel eyes boring into his. “I never meant to hurt you.”

 

He nearly scoffed, but something in her stance stopped him.

 

“This was just supposed to be a normal assignment. And then I met you and things… changed. I should have done something then, but…”

 

Rey tugged at one of her sweatshirt strings as she bit her lip. “Anyway. I just… wanted you to know that.”

 

Shaking her head, she muttered, “Not that it matters, in the long run.”

 

Kylo, thoroughly confused now, narrowed his eyes. “What on earth are you talking about?”

 

Letting out a long breath, Rey’s demeanor changed slightly; her neck straightened, her chin lifted up, and her eyes hardened.

 

“My real name is Rey Kanata. I’m an investigative reporter with the _Resistance_ , and I’m here to take down Snoke and the First Order.”

 

Kylo’s jaw dropped open as Rey’s jade eyes met his.

 

“And I want you to help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> White Christmas Dress - https://gl-images.condecdn.net/image/92PmqAoePQW/crop/1020/f/DaisyRidley-glamour_15dec15_GettyImages_b.jpg
> 
> Silver New Year’s Eve Dress - http://cdn01.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/ridley-oscars/daisy-ridley-oscars-2016-red-carpet-01.jpg


	12. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of Snoke being a creepy harrasser and also some very brief physical abuse. Starts about half-way through, when Rey is filing, and also when they're in the conference room.

_ One Year Ago... _

 

“Welcome back, Rey!” 

 

“Hey, great to see you back from conquering another tower of evil!”

 

Laughing, Rey waved at her cubicle neighbors. “Hello to you too, Jess. And c’mon Kaydel, I doubt even TerraTech would call themselves a ‘tower’ of anything.”

 

“Especially since their stuff keeps falling down!” Jessika snarked as the other girl shot her looks. “What? Too soon?”

 

“For you, always.” Kaydel told her, expertly dodging the crumpled up Post-It thrown her way. “So, now that you’re back on the business beat, what’s next?”

 

“Not sure,” Rey commented, readjusting her chair. “Who knows if anything can top the thrill of tracking down work orders and supply receipts?”

 

Jessika shook her head. “You say that, but we all know you love sniffing out clues, putting little pieces together that no one’s thought of yet, and churning out amazing exposés.”

 

“Hey, I can’t help it if people are terrible at lying, terrible at cover-ups, and just terrible in general. The worst is when they actually think they’re just ‘oh-so-amazing’ at it.” Rey shrugged with a grin, then peered at the large corner office. “Speaking of those who think they’re amazing, is he in?”

 

“Just arrived with his coffee forty-five minutes ago,” Kaydel answered a little too quickly. 

 

Jessika rolled her eyes. “Why haven’t you just asked him out already?”

 

Blushing furiously, Kaydel glared at her friend. “First, I don’t know what you’re talking about, and second, because he’s my boss.” 

 

Rey nodded wisely. “It’s true. Everyone knows interoffice relationships don’t end well.”

 

“Okay, so get thee to another office and  _ then  _ ask him out.” Going back to her computer, Jessika muttered, “Why is everyone else so bad at relationships?”

 

Shaking her head in amusement, Rey picked up some extra cream and sugars and knocked lightly on the door labeled, ‘Poe Dameron, Editor-In-Chief’.

 

“Hey boss, you busy?”

 

Poe looked up with a roguish grin. “Never too busy for you, rookie.”

 

Sighing, Rey took a seat in the plush chair opposite the desk. “I’ve been here for five years, Poe. I’m not a rookie by any definition of the word.”

 

“You’ll always be a rookie to me,” he winked, and Rey rolled her eyes. “So what’s up? Got any big plans now that your assignment is finally over and published? Going to take some time off? Take a vacation?”

 

“Oh, you know me. Just trying to get back into the swing of things, keep my ear to the ground, sniff out new stories…”

 

Poe cocked an eyebrow at her. “Who told you?”

 

“No one told me anything!” Rey protested, then pushed the cream and sugars across his desk with a winning smile. “But I  _ may  _ have heard some whispers about going after someone big.”

 

He leaned back and shook his head knowingly. “And you want in.”

 

“Hey, I more than proved myself on the TerraTech assignment, not to mention every other story I’ve done the last five years. You know I’m up for it.”

 

“Whether you’re up for it or not isn’t the issue.” 

 

“Can you at least give me a name?” Rey asked, eyes sparkling. As he paused, she added, “You know I’m just going to find out anyway.”

 

“Do I know that?” Poe pondered, tapping his chin.

 

“Of course you do. The same way I know your favorite Celine Dion song is-”

 

“Alright, alright.” He interrupted, then gave in with a bemused grin. “The First Order.”

 

Rey’s jaw dropped. “You’re going after Snoke?” She confirmed in a breathless voice.

 

“Maybe. I haven’t decided if we’re going to pursue it.”

 

Astounded by the idea of her boss backing down, Rey gasped. “What? Why?”

 

“There’s a complete lack of concrete evidence. There are barely whispers of whispers, not to mention the personal complications.”

 

Confusion furrowed her brows. “What personal compli-”

 

“Morning, Dameron,” a low alto greeted from the door, and Rey turned to gape at the _Resistance_ ’s owner, Senator Leia Organa-Solo.

 

“Morning, Leia,” Poe called back with a grin.

 

Gobsmacked, Rey stammered, “You’re… you’re…”

 

Smiling, the Senator took Rey’s hand in a warm handshake. “Leia. And you must be Rey.”

 

“Oh my God, you know my name. I mean, yes. That is my name. Rey Kanata. But you can call me Rey. Or Kanata. Or whatever you-”

 

“Rey,” she interrupted gracefully. “So very nice to meet you.”

 

“It’s amazing to meet you too. Your work on increasing governmental spending transparency and net neutrality is truly incredible.” Rey gushed, trying to contain her excitement.

 

Leia looked pleasantly surprised and flattered. “Well, it’s wonderful to meet someone who knows so much about my work.”

 

“I’ve been following your career for years.” Rey told her, then added as a confession, “And my deskmate Kaydel is on the political beat.”

 

“Rey,” Poe stood. “Would you mind giving us a minute?”

 

“Of course! So great to meet you,” Rey waved as she stepped out, then casually made her way around the corner to the back of Poe’s office. Towers of filing cabinets made a convenient cover as she pressed her ear against the wall.

 

“Is that her?” Leia asked, her tone full of amusement.

 

“Is that who?” Poe responded with faux innocence.

 

“Don’t play coy with me, Dameron. You and I both know she’s perfect for this.” 

 

“She’s still a rookie,” Poe told her, and Rey frowned at him through the wall.

 

“She’s been here five years and you’ve been singing her praises every day. What’s the real issue?”

 

There was a long sigh from her boss, and she could almost picture Poe rubbing his forehead. “The issue is that I don’t want to complicate an already high-risk operation by adding the  distraction of checking in on one of Snoke’s employees.”

 

Leia paused, then responded quietly, “He’s my son, Poe.”

 

Rey stepped back from the wall in shock. She had no idea Leia even had a son, let alone that he worked for Snoke. Curiosity piqued, she leaned back against the wall.

 

“...don’t even know who she’ll be assigned to. She may never even cross paths with him.”

 

“I just want to know how he’s doing.”

 

“I can tell you how he’s doing. He’s the same moody, angry, self-centered son of a bitch that he’s always been. No offense.”

 

“To him or me? Nevermind. And where is this hesitation coming from? Wasn’t your motto ‘Leap before you look’ for years? What happened?”

 

“ _ You _ happened. You drilled leadership and common sense into my head, and now it’s stuck in there for good.”

 

“She’s a smart girl, Poe. You tell her what’s involved, then let her decide.”

 

The rustling indicated that they were both standing, so Rey grabbed a file and tried to look nonchalant as Leia passed by with a warm smile and a conspiratorial wink.

 

“Rey!” Poe called from his office.

 

“Coming!”

 

She walked with with a carefully composed face, and watched as her editor tapped his fingers on the desk.

 

“Poe, whatever it is, I’m in.”

 

“It’s dangerous, Rey. Snoke only hires internally, so you’d have to start with one of the lower level execs and see what you can do from there. You’d be undercover for months, with limited support or contact from your real life, and the longer and deeper you get, the more risk there is. Snoke is smart, rich, and connected. If half the rumors are true, if he finds out who you are, you could be in real danger.”

 

“Snoke is a scumbag. He may be a powerful scumbag, but that’s still what he is. Men like that never expect anyone they see as less to challenge them. That’s why I’m perfect for this.”

 

He nodded in reluctance, then leaned forward. “There is one other thing. Leia has requested that, in addition to finding out whatever you can on Snoke, you… keep tabs on one of the higher-ups. A VP named Kylo Ren.”

 

Rey shrugged. “Okay. Keep tabs how?”

 

“Just… tell her how he’s doing. Things like that. If you agree, she’ll work with you to set up a schedule and flesh everything out.” He peered through the windows, then lowered his voice. “I’m telling you this in confidence, but I think you should know. Kylo Ren is actually her son.”

 

“What!? No!” Rey widened her eyes dramatically, and Poe frowned in suspicion.

 

“You eavesdropped, didn’t you.”

 

_ “What? _ I would  _ never  _ \- yeah. I did. But in my defense, the walls are very thin. And, my natural curiosity is what makes me such a great journalist!”

 

Sighing, Poe shook his head. “I told those idiots to add soundproofing to the walls. Alright. I assume you heard everything?”

 

“Not if you didn’t want me to.”

 

“And you still want to do it?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Even with reporting to Leia about Kylo? Some would consider that a bit morally gray.”

 

“Snoke is evil. Anyone who works for him is either intimidated, or also evil. This whole job sounds pretty black and white to me.”

 

Poe tapped his pen on his desk a few times, then added in a warning voice, “After a while, the line between black and white can get more blurred than you think. Take it from someone who knows.”

 

“Trust me, boss.” Rey grinned. “This job is going to be as simple as it comes. There’ll be no complications on my part, I promise.”

 

…

 

Her confession hung in the air, thickening the tension as she waited for Kylo to speak.

 

“And you want my help?” He asked finally, still not meeting her eyes.

 

“Yes.” Rey told him, leaning forward. “I’ve been gathering information as quietly as I can, but if you join me, if you help, we could do so much more.”

 

Shaking his head, he murmured, “You’re asking me to ruin my career.”

 

“This is bigger than anyone’s career!”

 

“Says the girl trying to win a Pulitzer Prize.” He sneered, and Rey clenched her jaw.

 

“I’m not trying to win anything. I’m trying to stop him from hurting anyone else. He bullies and bribes anyone in his way, and his competition has a mysterious habit of disappearing completely.”

 

Agitation growing, Kylo stood and started pacing as Rey continued, “Not to mention the fact that he uses the First Order to launder his dirty money from the multiple shell companies he owns. Nearly every crisis management contract going back the last three years is either a business he owns shares in, or a front for his illegitimate ventures. And I haven’t even told you about the way he-”

 

“Enough!” Kylo shouted, and hurt flashed across Rey’s face before she masked it with anger.

 

“I’m trying to tell you who he really is. Working for him this last month has been a nightmare because he-”

 

“I don’t want to hear it! You’ve been lying to me since the beginning - I don’t know why you think I’d trust you now.”

 

“Because you know it’s the right thing to do!” Forcing herself to breathe, Rey lowered her shoulders and did her best to keep the tremor out of her voice, “And I never lied to you about anything real.”

 

He choked out a bitter laugh. “Wow. That’s a politician’s answer if ever I heard one. She’s taught you well, hasn’t she?”

 

Stung, Rey bit her lip and dug her nails into her palm. “I’m doing this because I believe he needs to be stopped. Because he enjoys hurting people, he likes using them to get his way.” She got to her feet as well, chin lifted in defiance. “And I think deep down, you know that. God, look at the way he tortures you!”

 

Kylo’s head snapped around to stare at her. “What?”

 

“I’ve seen the way he treats you. The way he speaks to you. And that’s when he’s in a good mood! I’m afraid to imagine what he’s like when he’s angry!”

 

“No, you don’t- Whatever he does, whatever he says to me is because I’m weak, because I need to be stronger-”

 

“He torments you for  _ fun _ , Ben.” She interrupted firmly. “Why do you think he started showing up to those meetings? Having me take notes?”

 

The memories flickered across his mind. Her plastered-on smile as she typed everything up, how she radiated fury all the way to his end of the table, him slowly splintering the pen in his hand to distract from the anger, the betrayal, the pain.

 

“He did it to hurt you. Because he  _ likes  _ seeing you suffer. And I have to sit there and take it, but you- You can do something about it. You can help us bring him down.”

 

“It’s not like that. And I can’t just… You don’t understand. Whatever people say about him-”

 

“I’ve seen it, Ben! I’ve worked with him for a month and every day I see how he treats everyone around him. There are people he can use or those not worth his time, and that’s it. The way he talks to you,  _ about  _ you…” She stepped into his path, forcing him to look at her. 

 

As firmly, as undeniably as she could, Rey met his gaze and said, “You don’t deserve that. No one does.”

 

He stared at her, a sheen of brightness over his eyes, a mix of doubt and denial and the tiniest sliver of hope shuddering across his face.

 

“Please,” she whispered, moving closer. “Let me help you.”

 

His eyes suddenly hardened as he stepped away. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need your pity, or your delusions of grandeur or whatever lies you’re telling yourself to get what you want.”

 

“I want to help you!”

 

This, the echo of her answer on the rooftop, brought with it the bitterness of her betrayal, his anger as he cast her out, the resentment on all sides as the chasm of silence engulfed them.

 

Lips pressed together, he repeated mockingly, “Whether I believe it or not?”

 

Tears threatening her vision, Rey called his name softly, hoping he would hear, would listen, that he would  _ understand- _

 

“Ben-”

 

He cut her off, his voice cold and graceless. “Well, I  _ believe  _ that it’s very late. And that it’s past time that you leave.” He marched to his door and held it open, glaring at the debris-covered carpet.

 

She stood for a moment, trying to suppress her hurt. After making her way through the remains of his furnishings, she stopped at the threshold. Biting her lip, she looked up at him, their proximity a heartbreaking parallel to earlier that night.

 

“Ben, I know you’re angry with me. I deserve it. But I also know that in your heart, you-”

 

“What?” His shoulders were stiff, his jaw set. “That if you asked, I’d throw away everything I’ve worked for my entire life? That you’d make one little plea, after lying to me for months, and I’d trip over myself to cater to your crusading whim?”

 

His needling, sneering tone struck her like a blow to the gut. “This isn’t you,” she told him, tears trailing across her face, somewhere between insisting and begging. “This is him talking, not you.”

 

“No. It’s not.” He bit out. “I don’t know what you thought I’d say, but you were wrong. Whatever you thought you knew about me, you were wrong.”

 

Rey opened her mouth to argue, to debate, to reason with him- 

 

But no. 

 

Her chin dropped her to chest, her arms clutching each other tightly as she took a shuddering breath, then met his steely gaze.

 

“You’re right.” She conceded simply, for once in her life giving up, too wounded, too disappointed, too hopeless, too tired to fight back. “I guess I was.”

 

She walked to the elevator slowly, keeping her eyes down as her shoulders sagged in defeat.

 

Glancing back only once, she saw Kylo watching her resolutely. She searched for any sign of conflict, of indecision, of  _ something  _ as she stepped into the elevator car.

 

Nothing.

 

The doors closed between them, leaving her with dashed hopes. Disappointed dreams. A fool for having any of them in the first place.

 

(If she thought she saw his resolve crumble a second before the metal doors slammed shut, well, it was clearly just her imagination.)

 

…

 

As Kylo stormed into his office Monday morning, he snapped at Mitaka (who flinched no matter how he spoke, so there was no real satisfaction in it), chucked a mug at the wall, and settled behind his computer, glowering at the world in general.

 

He had braced himself for her absence, told himself that he would carry on as if nothing had changed, because nothing had. He didn’t need her. Had never needed her. Or anyone. He was fine on his own.

 

( _ Very convincing, _ his inner voice commented acerbically.)

 

Ignoring it, he forced himself into the motions of answering emails, reviewing contracts, approving designs, finding excuses to stay in his office a bit longer - to not have to face the reality that she would be gone, off to that damn newspaper and his kriffing mother, out of his life forever.

 

Which is why he nearly went into shock when he saw her the next day. 

 

His conscience (well, not conscience. Those were seen as weaknesses. More like… loyalty? Fear?) had been gnawing at him to tell Snoke about… something. Perhaps he could pass it off as rumors of a someone hacking into their emails, or a reporter gaining intelligence from a former employee. Whenever the article was published, at least he’d have the comfort of knowing he had alerted Snoke to the danger. Maybe he could even offer to come up with a way to spin it before anything got out of-

 

“Niima.” Barbara’s sharp command cut through his thoughts, startling him into stillness as he turned the corner to Snoke’s office. “I’m taking my lunch. Man the front desk and get to organizing those files.”

 

“Of course, Ms. Goneril.” Rey answered submissively, the sound of her voice further freezing his feet to the floor behind the support pillar.

 

Barbara nodded briefly at him before marching past, and Kylo was fairly certain he returned the gesture. He could just make out Rey’s form through the open doorframe as she came around to the front of the reception area. She pulled open the top drawer of the filing cabinet, then paused and glanced up, her eyes taking only a moment to lock with his.

 

He clenched his jaw in anger. How dare she still be here? When her latest betrayal was still so fresh, when she had told him all of her devious plans, when he had every right to rat her out to Snoke and save his career?

 

( _ She trusts you, _ the internal voice realized, and he tried to quash any reaction he might have to that.)

 

Rey stared at him, her eyes full of disappointment and hope, with the sharp edge of the glare she used when she expected more of him, expected better.

 

She opened her mouth, trying to find the words to convince him, and he was already shaking his head in refusal, in bitterness, in wounded pride, when an uncutious voice interrupted them.

 

“Miss Niima,” Snoke oozed, and Kylo frowned as Rey immediately paled. “Where is Ms. Goneril?”

 

“She’s out for lunch, Mr. Snoke,” Rey responded, her grip on the cabinet drawer turning her knuckles white. “Is there something I can do for you?”

 

He slithered behind her, a light finger trailing from one shoulder to the other as Rey squeezed her eyes shut in revulsion. “Just checking. You’ve done an admirable job picking up the slack from the other incompetents around here. Perhaps we should talk later about a promotion.”

 

A sudden high-pitched ringing filled Kylo’s ears as he gaped in disbelief at the scene before him.

 

Rey forced her eyes open and nodded tightly. “Of course, sir. Whatever you like.”

 

Brushing a stray hair back from her face, Snoke clearly didn’t notice Rey’s hands turning into fists. “Whatever I like indeed,” he purred, then after giving her figure an appreciative look, smiled to himself as he closed his office door behind him.

 

Kylo Ren had been angry before. Most of his life had been colored with different hues of anger; hurt at being ignored, frustration at how his parents never understood, sneering fury whenever he fought with his father, white hot rage when he disavowed them, the slow, constant trickle of cynicism and animosity with the rest of the world.

 

But this - this was different.

 

He was awash in an ice cold storm, a crystal clear certainty settling in his bones about what he needed to do.

 

He needed to end Snoke.

 

The ringing in his ears now mixed with the pounding of his heart as he marched with an unequivocal purpose towards Snoke’s office, violence coursing through his veins as he reached for the door, about to rip it off its hinges and use it to-

 

A surprisingly strong grip on his arm yanked him unexpectedly to the left. He blinked in confusion, stumbling a bit as Rey’s grasp got tighter, shoving him unceremoniously into a supply closet.

 

“What in the  _ kriffing  _ hell do you think you’re doing?” She hissed at him, breaking his trance.

 

“I… he just… you...” Kylo attempted, gesturing vaguely, unable to understand why she didn’t see this was for  _ her _ , for what Snoke was-

 

Her eyes blazed as she demanded, “Why do you think I’m here? If I wanted someone to punch Snoke in the face, I could very well do that myself. Do you think I’ve been undercover for a year so you can exact petty revenge for something you’ve seen  _ once? _ This has been my  _ life  _ for the last month.”

 

Blood still boiling at the images tumbling through his head, he challenged her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Her posture stiffening, she bit out tersely, “I tried. You ‘didn’t want to hear it’.”

 

The words hit him like a blow to the gut. He didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to believe it, to think too much about allegiances and morals and ethics and everything else Rey held so dear.

 

“How did I not know about it?” He asked, his tone a hair meeker.

 

“Because you don’t want to know! No one in this damn office does!” Rey answered heatedly. “No one thinks it’s odd that Snoke hires young, attractive girls to work for him, who get transferred or let go after a year with a huge check and a signed NDA. They can’t say anything for fear of being fired or blacklisted, and anyone who does know about it either helps him or keeps their mouths shut.”

 

Reeling a bit, he tried to grasp everything she was telling him, tried to comprehend this side of Snoke that he had never imagined.

 

(Could imagine, now that he thought about it. Didn’t want to, though. Especially with Rey-)

 

“That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m taking him and every dirty company he owns down.” She told him, her voice alive with righteousness, hazel eyes alight with justice, every inch of her filled with unwavering aspiration. 

 

He blinked at her, at the realization that this is who she was. Not the passive, deferential secretary Snoke saw, (that he had seen at first), but a woman full of resolute passion and strength.

 

God, she was beautiful.

 

She must have seen something in his eyes, because her expression gentled as she pleaded, “You can still help me. There’s still time.”

 

Part of him ached to give in. To just let everything else burn.

 

But-

 

“...I owe him everything,” he whispered, the closest thing to treason he had ever voiced against his master.

 

“You are so much more than  _ anything  _ he could do for you!” She argued fiercely, forcefully, then reaching a cautious hand up to his face, she added softly, “Or to you.”

 

She bit her lip as her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “Please, Ben.”

 

His name was so seductive on her tongue. From gentle teasing to friendly chatter, fond exasperation to breathy murmur, the sound of it did things to him; undermined his defenses, sapped his anger, overrode his objections.

 

_ Weak _ , hissed Snoke’s voice in his mind.

 

_ Lured so easily by false promises. Scraps of attention. _

 

_ Pathetic child. _

 

_ You’re nothing more than a pawn in her game. _

 

_ Fool. _

 

_ Who could ever want you?  _ **_Care_ ** _ for you? _

 

_ You lost that chance long ago. _

 

He gripped her wrist, halting her movement, forestalling her pity.

 

“I have work to do,” he managed, his voice only a little roughened from his inner turmoil.

 

Anguish flickered in her eyes before she masked it with cool disappointment. Stepping back, she reached for the door. “Of course. That’s all that’s ever mattered to you.”

 

He tried to suppress the wince as her words stung.

 

After a quick peek, Rey started to walk out of the closet, then half-turned, not meeting his eyes.

 

“I’m not coming back after Friday. The article will probably be published the next week, so if you’re going to leave before… If you’re going to leave, that’s the time.”

 

Swallowing whatever grief he felt at her departure, he ground out mockingly, “And why would I leave? Because you asked?”

 

She finally glanced up at him, eyes overbright. “Not for me,” she answered softly, gently, sorrowfully.

 

“For you.”

 

…

 

He hid in his office the rest of the week, snapping and snarling at anyone unfortunate enough to cross his line of vision. The only brief respite from the barrage of conflicting emotions was Friday afternoon, when he glanced up to see Rey watching him through the window with a question clear in her eyes.

 

Shoving aside whatever doubts she might have planted, he deliberately turned away and stared at his screen until she was tugged away by that one girl and the Traitor, her worried expression as she bit her lip burned into the corner of his eye.

 

The weekend came and went. Finally it was Monday, and he simply sat at his desk and listened. By ten, there were quiet whispers. By noon, the gossip had traveled to the whole building. By two, he could hear the snatches of conversations, equally curious and appalled, as he made his way to the monthly VP meeting.

 

“...believe that she just picked up and left! Has anyone ever...”

 

“Snoke would never allow…”

 

“...word is she’s not answering her cell. God knows if you work for him, you’re required…”

 

“Maybe she’s sick?”

 

“Better off dead if you’re ignoring calls from…”

 

_ “Ren!”  _ His name was snapped out like a curse as he entered the conference room.

 

“Is something wrong, Armitage?” He asked, impressed at his own nonchalance.

 

Hux stomped over to him. “Your former assistant is completely unreachable. I always knew she was trouble, especially with all the things you let her get away with-”

 

“Didn’t you hire her?” Kylo asked archly, reveling slightly as the man’s cheeks turned lobster red.

 

“Have you heard from her in the last few days?” Phasma interrupted, her tone bored and slightly agitated that she even had to participate in this nonsense.

 

“I have not.” He responded honestly as he appraised Snoke’s demeanor. The CEO was almost unnaturally still, like a predator lying in wait.

 

“Ren.” 

 

Everyone froze as Snoke spoke for the first time. “Do you know where she is?”

 

His heart pounding, he reminded himself he wasn’t lying. He had no clue if she was at the newspaper, or her apartment, or hell, maybe she was already on another assignment. Working for some other idiot that she was going to betray later.

 

“No.”

 

Snoke’s eyes narrowed, then after a few seconds that felt like eternity, he turned to Phasma. “Do we have her address on file?”

 

“It’s a PO box, recently canceled. Her cell phone appears to be turned off, although it seems it was on until Sunday night.”

 

Kylo frowned. If she was leaving for good on Friday, why keep her phone on the whole weekend? It was obviously only in use for her assignment at the First Order, so why on earth would she-

 

( _ Waiting for you, perhaps? _ His internal voice murmured wryly.  _ Holding out hope? _ )

 

“This whole thing feels like an elaborate set up, but I’m not sure of the end game.” Phasma assessed cooly as the rest of the conference room exchanged worried glances.

 

“Perhaps she was a spy.” Hux offered, Kylo turning sharply to look at him. “Some sort of corporate espionage? There are plenty of competitors who’d like to see us fail. Enemies who would destroy us from within.”

 

“Isn’t that a bit far-fetched?” Canady, one of the other VPs spoke up with an air of condescension. “Spies and traitors and such?”

 

“Well, what’s your theory then?” Hux growled. “Or were you planning on contributing anything to this meeting?”

 

“I’m simply saying that there’s no need for-”

 

Phasma’s low voice cut across the room. “I did see her loitering in accounting once, and I believe she was looking at files.”

 

“A secretary, looking for files?” Canady repeated scornfully. “How unusual!”

 

“Then what is your explanation for her absence? For the dead-end address? The evidence points to the fact that she was not who she claimed to-”

 

He suddenly heard his voice echo in the room. “I fired her.”

 

Silence fell as every eye turned towards him, several mouths dropping open at this act of sheer self-destruction.

 

Snoke bit out a single, dangerous, warning, word.  _ “What?” _

 

Taking a deep breath, he put as much arrogance as he could summon into his voice. “She was mouthy and disloyal and I fired her and told her to never come-”

 

In a startlingly swift motion for an older man, Snoke sped out of his chair and slapped Kylo square across the face.

 

“How  _ dare  _ you.” He growled, digging his fingernails into the back of Kylo’s neck. “I had  _ use  _ for her yet. Plans for her raw potential and you, in your infamous  _ conceit- _ ” on the last word, he slammed Kylo’s head into the table and held it there, “ruined  _ everything _ .”

 

Usually in these situations, Kylo retreated into his mind, let the words wash over him so he could ponder them afterwards, use them as whetstones to sharpen his edge, wear away his weaknesses.

 

That’s all he needed to do now. Simply withdraw and let Snoke’s rebuke take root-

 

_ “You don’t deserve this.”  _

 

Rey’s face suddenly appeared in his mind’s eye, brows drawn in concern, hazel eyes filled with compassion.

 

_ “No one does.” _

 

He did deserve it. She didn’t know, couldn’t know about who he was-

 

_ That night on the roof, her voice full of exasperation. “You can be so much better than this. More than this.” _

 

This is who he is - he’s too far gone to do anything about it. It’s too late to change. He knew it. Snoke knew it. Had told him too many times to count that even with all his generosity, he still managed to screw everything-

 

 _“You are so much more than anything he could do for you!”_ _Her eyes swimming in unshed tears. “Or to you.”_

 

She was lying, he reminded himself a bit desperately. It was all lies. She just pretended to care for him at work, to gain his trust, to use him for information. It was all a ruse, a mask she wore in enemy territory. She was probably someone completely different at home-

 

_ Strings played in the background, her hair mussed and her nose an endearing shade of red. “We can watch something else,” she told him, almost as if she cared what he thought.  _

 

_ “I’d rather watch something you’d enjoy too.” _

 

_ As if she cared what he wanted. _

 

_ “... You would?” _

 

_ “Of course.” She seemed confused at his question, as if it the answer was obvious. “It’s what friends do.” _

 

_ As if she cared. _

 

“...fumbling, ignorant, useless fool.” Snoke snarled, shoving Kylo’s head down to the table for extra measure before returning to his seat. “I will deal with you later. Presumption of this magnitude requires special attention,” he announced as he sat down, the last two words serving as a thinly veiled threat.

 

“Now, get yourself out of my sight. Your incompetence is truly a disgusting thing to behold.”

 

Standing slowly, his mind rapidly building new connection points, new references within his memories, he committed one of the most dangerous, life-changing acts in his entire life.

 

He added  _ ‘You think’ _ to the end of Snoke’s sentence.

 

Not out loud of course, he wasn’t completely suicidal. Mentally, quietly, but there all the same.

 

As he walked back to his office, he was intensely preoccupied with a single thought.

 

Perhaps Snoke… was wrong.

 

Wrong about the business.

 

Wrong about the world.

 

Wrong about him.

 

In an odd, almost zen-like state, he knew what he had to do. He returned to his desk, then spent the next several hours printing and copying everything he could think of, and when he left, he gave Mitaka a calm, peaceful sort of nod, which seemed to frighten the man more than any of his scowls.

 

He set the box down gently in front of her door, then, feeling like a mischievous twelve-year-old, rang her doorbell and raced down the hall. Hiding behind the stairwell door, he watched Rey poke her head out, then frown in confusion at the box before her.

 

After looking around and seeing no one, Rey shrugged and lifted the top off the box, at first puzzled by the flashdrive and reams of papers. Her jaw immediately dropped as she realized everything inside was confidential, eyes-only, and completely damning evidence against Snoke and the First Order.

 

As she searched the corridor in earnest now, Kylo closed the door a bit more and waiting for her to read the small note he had left for her on top of the papers.

 

He had written and discarded several dozen attempts at what would probably be the last words he’d ever get to say to her. After refilling his pen, he finally settled on something he hoped conveyed his epiphany, his sorrow, his hope, his regret.

 

In dark, black ink, in a careful, cautious hand, he had simply written:

 

_ “Take what you need.” _


	13. Intents

Kylo sat at his dining room table, tapping his fingers as he stared at his laptop’s screen, rereading the email draft for the umpteenth time that week.

 

_To Whom It May Concern,_

 

_I am writing to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Vice President of Creative Design and Business Development at the First Order, effective immediately..._

 

He shook his head and hovered the mouse over the trash icon, before biting his lip and moving the pointer to the ‘send’ button. A soft knock at his door startled him, and he closed the laptop with a small sigh of relief, glad of an excuse, however brief, to ignore the impending doom of deciding either way.

 

Pressing his eye to the peephole, he suddenly froze. A myriad of emotions raced through him - adrenaline-laced anger and sorrow, instinctive guilt and fear, childish joy and relief, all crashing into a chaotic mess that lodged in a knot in his shoulders.

 

Standing up a bit straighter at her presence (an old habit that he could never quite kick), he sighed and opened the door.

 

“Come to gloat, Mother?” He asked sarcastically, glaring at a distant point over her head as she gave him a rebuking look that slowly gentled into grief-lined love.

 

“I came to ask how you were doing.” Leia answered, her tone honest, but a small twist of reproach in her face.

 

“Your spy only left Friday. Why don’t you ask her?” He snapped, spinning around and marching into the kitchen.

 

Taking his not so polite invitation to come in, Leia closed the door behind her and sighed. “I have been… _informed_ , that Rey no longer feels comfortable with our arrangement.”

 

His hands stilled, and he couldn’t help but look over at her, desperately trying to hide his curiosity. “Oh?”

 

Leia raised an eyebrow at him, a sign that she knew him all too well. “Yes. I was also informed that a more… direct approach, while possibly less effective, would perhaps be more beneficial to our relationship.”

 

He ruminated on that for a moment as he continued to make tea. His mother usually resorted to her ‘diplomatic jibber-jabbery’ (as his father called it) when someone had made a good point and she was miffed about them not being wrong.

 

“And what brave soul informed you of this?” He asked archly, bringing over the lavender Earl Grey with a small splash of milk.

 

Leia stirred the tea for a bit, then answered, “Rey did.”

 

He blinked.

 

Tilting her head, Leia gave him a small, knowing smirk, and spoke in a voice that was both amused and impressed. “She’s become quite protective of you.”

 

Unable to hide the red creeping up his neck, he ducked his head and hoped in vain that she wouldn’t notice.

 

If she did, she didn’t mention it. “So,” she started, sipping her tea, then smiling a little at the taste (he was irked by how warm that made him feel). Meeting his eyes, she repeated softly, “How are you doing?”

 

He was tempted to brush her off with a gruff, “Fine,” or “Since when have you cared?”, but something that sensed the tentative attempt at a bridge stopped him.

 

Collapsing into the seat one chair away, Kylo shrugged. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.”

 

“Fair enough,” Leia said, then after drinking her tea for a bit, she reached into her bag and pulled out a mocked-up newspaper page. “I thought you might want to see this.”

 

She placed the paper on the table, blank squares standing in for photos and ads as words filled the space around them, all headlined with a bold font reading “FIRST ORDER CEO EXPOSED AS A CORRUPT PREDATOR”.

 

Kylo stared at it for a long moment, then growled, “Why? To rub it in my face?”

 

Wincing, Leia took a moment to smooth out her dress, then said quietly, “I simply thought that if I was in your place, I’d want as much…”

 

“Warning?” Kylo finished bitterly.

 

“Information,” Leia corrected in a gently firm tone. “I’d want as much information as I could get.”

 

He stood, pacing a bit, then mumbled, “When are you going to run it?”

 

“Sunday.”

 

He let out a scoff that was both cynical and slightly impressed. The _Resistance_ was treating this as a huge deal, to be the Sunday edition's front page. His own mother, profiting from his humiliation. How very _maternal_.

 

“I thought that this way, it might… save you pain, rather than being ambushed.”

 

“If you really wanted to save me pain, you wouldn't run it,” he growled, a thousand memories of being pushed aside for his parents’ careers flashing through his mind as he gripped the back of the chair.

 

Leia cautiously placed her hand over his white knuckles.

 

“Would you like me not to?”

 

Startled, he turned to her with an incredulous frown. “What?”

 

“If you have strong objections, I could bring it to the board,” she offered, and his jaw dropped open a little.

 

Never once in his memory had his mother ever chosen him over her job. Her reputation. Her public image.

 

“You would?” He asked, trying to alter his tone from a little boy being promised a rare gift.

 

“Do you want me to?” She asked simply, and despite the lifetime of dashed hopes, he almost thought she meant it.

 

Casting his gaze anywhere but the truth in his mother's eyes, he glanced at the paper again and caught the byline for the first time.

 

_By R. Kanata_

 

Retreating to the kitchen, he deferred, “I assume it's true?”

 

Leia nodded. “We have proof and sources for everything. Rey's one of our best.”

 

Clasping her hands together, Leia added softly, “I am sorry, by the way.”

 

Kylo blinked. Had his mother ever apologized to him before?

 

“I shouldn't have asked Rey to spy on you. I… didn't know what else to do. We barely spoke, and when we did, I felt that either we had to talk about everything or nothing.”

 

He glared at his kettle for a moment, guilt and anger washing over him as he waited for passive-aggressive comments or the blame that was surely coming next.

 

Looking up with an oddly hopeful smile, Leia announced, “With that in mind, I come with an offer for you. Have lunch with me, once every other week.”

 

He stared. “What?”

 

“One day, every other week, we meet for lunch and talk. We can talk about anything, or nothing, your choice. If you want, we can simply sit in silence as you enjoy a meal on your father's and my dime.”

 

“Will he be there?”

 

As if she had already considered this as a possible objection, Leia’s tone took on a tinge of amusement. “That could be a topic for one of the lunches, but I thought it’d be just us, to begin.”

 

After shifting his weight a little, he nodded, trying to quash the childish joy he felt.

 

Standing, Leia came into the kitchen as well and placed her hand on his arm. “Thank you.”

 

He nodded stiffly as she gathered her things. “Well, it’s late, and I don’t want to keep you from your plans.”

 

Kylo was about to reach for the door when Leia turned to him, concern clear in her eyes. “Ben. I- I wanted to tell you, that no matter what... happened, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

 

Scuffing his toe on the hardwood floor, he let out a ghost of a laugh. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew.”

 

He fully expected her to ask, _‘Knew what?’_ , or _‘What happened?’_ , or _‘What did you do?’_

 

Instead, she placed a hand on his cheek, and met his tortured eyes with her own pained gaze.

 

“Yes I would.” She told him, gently, firmly, with the undeniable authority only Leia Organa-Solo could summon. “Because I am your mother. And _nothing_ \- nothing that’s been said or done by you or to you - will _ever_ change that.”

 

She pulled him down for a hug, and he hoped she wouldn’t notice the sudden wetness on her shoulder. “I love you, Ben. No matter what.”

 

Allowing himself to lean into her embrace, to bury his head in her shoulder, he found himself murmuring, “I know. I love you too.”

 

As they stepped back and tried to regain their composure (neither of them comfortable with this level of vulnerability or emotion), Leia cleared her throat and asked, “So. See you Wednesday?”

 

Coughing a bit as he swiped at his eyes, he managed, “Uh, sure. Yes. Wednesday.”

 

Leia smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Good. I’ll see you then.”

 

He gave her a solitary wave as she walked down the hallway to the elevator, then closed the door and let out a long breath, trying to process everything that had just happened.

 

Nearly stumbling back to the table, he peered at the paper a few times, biting his lip, before muttering, “Screw it.”

 

He grabbed the article and started reading, ready to call out any fictions or liberties Rey might have taken with her ‘sources’. He was not prepared for Rey’s voice to echo in his mind as clearly as if she was sitting next to him, telling him about her day. He heard her outrage, her pain, her sarcasm, her pointed intellect as she outlined the foundation of fear and threats that the First Order’s corrupt legacy was built on.

 

As Rey wove her story with equal parts intrigue and information, Kylo suddenly stopped as he realized what she was doing. With every mention of her ‘source’, she left hints, so small and subtle that no one outside the First Order would catch them, that the one giving her all of this insider information was _Hux_.

 

It was genius. While Hux’s Machiavellian schemes and ruthless nature meant he was valuable to Snoke, they also proved that he was only truly loyal to himself.

 

But… why? Why would she spent meticulous time and effort seeding this information throughout the article when she was already free and clear of the First Order?

 

 _To protect you, perhaps?_ His internal voice suggested wryly.

 

Shaking off that uncomfortable thought, yet still yearning to hear her voice again, he searched the Resistance’s archives for other articles she had written. At the very top of the list sat a story entitled “FIVE DEAD DUE TO TERRATECH COST-CUTTING PRACTICES”.

 

He slapped his forehead in realization. “Shit.”

 

Her rant about TerraTech’s buildings collapsing. Her detailed information about their substandard materials, contractors, and designs.

 

_He frowned. “How the hell do you know all this?”_

 

 _Clenching her jaw, she replied, “I_ **_read_ ** _.”_

 

Dear God he was an idiot.

 

He closed the tab and was immediately faced with his resignation letter, still sitting in the limbo of his drafts folder. After staring at it for a moment, he took a breath, then hit ‘send’ and closed his computer, filled with a sense of purpose for the first time in a very long while.

 

…

 

“Is Kaydel joining us for lunch?” Rey asked as the elevator opened into the lobby.

 

“She’s got some political lunch she left for earlier.” Jessika shrugged. “What about Rose? Is she meeting us here or at Emmie’s?”

 

“Not sure. I’ll message her and see,” The brunette said, pulling out her phone.

 

As she was texting, she heard Jessika hum appreciatively. “Mm-hmm. Looks like Leia got herself a boy toy!”

 

“First, ew. Second, Leia wouldn’t do that. And third-” Rey looked up, then shrieked and dove for cover against the wall.

 

Jessika turned to stare with wide eyes. “Umm… whatcha doin’?”

 

“I’m… just… checking the stability of this wall.” Rey managed to choke out as her friend frowned at her.

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Hey guys!” Rose chirruped as she joined them. “Sorry I’m late, first week on the job and my training went a little long, so I-” She stopped and blinked at Rey, then looked at Jessika. “Why is Rey hugging a wall?”

 

“She’s testing the stability, apparently.”

 

Rose raised an eyebrow. “O-kay. Not really sure- Holy crap is that Kylo Ren?”

 

“No!” Rey squeaked as Jessika whirled around with interest.

 

“Wait, Kylo Ren? Your boss at the First Order? The one you were in love with?!”

 

“I was not in love with him!” Rey whisper-shouted.

 

Jessika glanced at Rose, who waved her hand back and forth with a dubious, “Ehh.”

 

“Hey!” Rey protested, taking a half-step forward.

 

“I think he’s looking for you.” Jessika pointed out with a sly grin, and Rey immediately plastered herself against the wall again.

 

“No he’s not,” Rey argued, her position slightly compromised by her attempt to hide. “I’m sure he’d be happy if he never saw me again,” she finished bitterly.

 

Rose tilted her head curiously. “What? Why?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, possibly because lawsuits against the First Order are falling out of the sky? Because his job is gone? His career is probably ruined forever?” She crossed her arms and scuffed her toe. “Take your pick.”

 

The other girls glanced at each other in concern at Rey’s sudden defeated tone. Rose peered over the crowd, then went to touch Rey’s shoulder.

 

“I think he’s gone now. Let’s go get lunch, because I’m hungry. And if I’m hungry, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

 

That at least elicited a small smile from Rey, and the girls headed out to the diner, doing their best to distract her with light-hearted stories. She kept looking over her shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of a tall, dark-haired man, unsure if she was searching in hope or fear.

 

…

 

“How’s your week been?” Leia asked over her soup.

 

Kylo shrugged. “Not too exciting. Unemployment has the ability to turn freedom into boredom.”

 

“Have you started job hunting yet?”

 

“I’m waiting for…” he waved his hand vaguely, “everything to die down.”

 

Leia nodded. “Very reasonable. Well, if you need any help, let me know.”

 

He gave her a sardonic look. “I think I’m a bit old to have my mother getting me a job.”

 

“I’m offering you resources, not a free pass,” Leia responsed dryly, but he could still see a tug at the corner of her mouth.

 

He poked at his salad, then tried to ask casually, “How’s everyone at the paper?”

 

Leia raised an amused eyebrow. “Rey’s fine.”

 

Flushing, he choked on his arugula. “I didn’t ask about Rey,” he said after clearing his throat.

 

“Yes. You were not asking about her quite loudly.” Leia commented with a wry grin.

 

When Kylo only stabbed at his salad, Leia asked cautiously, “Have you spoken to her recently?”

 

He glanced up with a dark look, and she raised her hands in defense.

 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

 

“I don’t,” he growled.

 

“Alright, whatever you like,” Leia pacified, then thanked the waiter as he cleared their plates.

 

A few moments of silence passed, and Kylo fiddled with his napkin before muttering, “She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

 

Leia’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh?”

 

“I… I left her a note, saying… Basically saying that she was right. That I should have…” Bunching up the linen square, he tossed it onto the table and mumbled, “Anyway. She has my number, I don’t have hers, and even I can take a hint after weeks of radio silence.”

 

Their waiter reappeared with their mains, then refilled the water glasses before stepping away. Kylo sat quietly, waiting for his mother to launch into a detailed plan of what he should do and why he should do it and all the things he had done wrong up to this point.

 

Showing surprising restraint, Leia simply looked sympathetically at him and said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. That sounds hard.”

 

Frowning at this new, non-interfering version of his mother, he finally shrugged and replied. “It’s fine. Her choice. Whatever.”

 

Leia took a sip of her wine, then smiled and pulled out her phone. “Have I told you that we’re putting hardwood floors in the kitchen?”

 

Grateful (and slightly suspicious) at the change of subject, he leaned into the new topic of conversation, part of him really wondering if that was all she was going to do with his information.

 

...

 

Rey was getting her afternoon coffee when Leia suddenly appeared with a bright smile.

 

“Good morning, Rey.”

 

Grinning back, Rey nodded in return. “Morning! What brings you to this floor?”

 

“Oh, various administrata, checking in with Poe, things like that. Besides that, I wanted to see you.”

 

“Me?”

 

“You know, I’ve missed our chats, and thought that you might have missed them as well.”

 

“Oh, definitely!”

 

“Are you mostly adjusted to being back?” Leia asked kindly.

 

“Mostly. It’s hard to get back into the grind after working a different job in completely different field for a year. Although everyone is a lot nicer here, so that’s a good change.”

 

Leia joined in her laugh. “I’m glad to hear it. I’d be a bit concerned if we weren’t somewhat distinguishable from the First Order.”

 

Rey grinned back. “That wouldn’t be great.”

 

“You know…” Leia started, sipping her coffee. “I was wondering if you’ve heard from my son at all.”

 

Rey jerked in surprise, spilling the contents of her mug onto her hand. “Ow! I mean… I… Not- not really. Not since I left. Aren’t… haven’t you had lunch with him?”

 

As she helped sop up the dark liquid on the table, Leia smiled softly. “Oh, yes, I have. I was simply thinking that since we’re making an attempt at reconciliation, I thought he might be doing the same with you.”

 

Her dark eyes watched Rey sharply as the girl colored a bit. “No. I mean… He… he did leave me a note, but it was pretty clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me.”

 

“Oh?” Leia’s tone was just the right amount of empathy, interest, and trustworthiness that somehow convinced more words to pour out of Rey’s mouth.

 

“I mean, I get it. As a journalist, I push people to do things, to tell me things, and… I guess I didn’t really think about his feelings, about how he felt pressured to help me, how I just take what I need from people without thinking-”

 

Suddenly coming back to herself, Rey blinked at Leia as red crept up her neck. “I’m so sorry, I actually really have to go, if that’s okay-”

 

“No, no,” Leia smiled understandingly. “I apologize for keeping you. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

 

“Yes. Definitely. Totally. Okay, bye!” Rey shouted all at once, rushing back to her desk, so caught up in her own emotions and memories that she missed the way Leia watched her go, how her brows furrowed in thought as she considered the situation before her, and how she came to her conclusion with a single, exasperated phrase.

 

“Oh, for _kriff’s_ sake.”

 

…

 

Kylo shifted in the plush seat across from his mother’s desk as she organized papers.

 

“Thank you so much for meeting me here. I have just a few things to take care of before lunch.”

 

Memories of being in this exact position so many times in his childhood caused him to shift again uncomfortably. “Uh-huh.”

 

Perhaps sensing his less-than-idyllic family memories, Leia raised an eyebrow at him. “A few moments, I promise. I wouldn’t delay unless it was important.”

 

“I’ve heard that before.” He grumbled, earning himself another rebuking look.

 

“Leia, your 11:30 is here.” Winter’s voice came through the intercom.

 

“Perfect. Thank you Winter. And feel free to take your lunch. I’ll be heading out in just a few.”

 

“Will do,” Winter said, then Leia stood and went to the door.

 

“I’ll be back in just a moment, I promise.”

 

“I’ve heard that before, too.” He called after her with a sigh.

 

He heard soft murmurs outside, one voice getting further away as two drew closer.

 

His mother’s voice came muffled through the oak door, slowly growing clearer. “...you so much for meeting me. I just wanted to have a quick chat, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Oh, no, not at all.” A soft, feminine voice replied, and Kylo suddenly stiffened in recognition.

 

“If you’ll just step into my office,” Leia gestured as she opened the door.

 

He stood and turned just in time to see Rey walk in, then freeze with wide eyes.

 

“Ben!” She squeaked in shock, then whirled around as the doors suddenly clicked shut.

 

Storming over, realization coming a second too late, Kylo jiggled the handle, then banged on the door. “Mother,” he growled. “What are you doing?”

 

“The two of you need to sit down and talk,” Leia announced firmly from the other side. “You have wildly different interpretations of the same note, and you can come out once you’ve both resolved it. I’m off to lunch, so I’ll see you in an hour.”

 

“Come back here now!” He shouted as her footsteps faded, while Rey pounded on the door and called, “Leia? Leia! This isn’t funny! Leia!”

 

After a minute of silence, he unclenched his fists and walked over to his mother’s desk. “I get the feeling she’s not coming back.”

 

“I am so sorry. I swear I didn’t ask her to-”

 

He held up a hand to forestall her. “No, this has Leia written all over it. Coffee?”

 

Rey blinked at him. “What?”

 

Rummaging around in the cabinets behind her desk, he explained, “One of my mother’s few vices is very expensive coffee. Now if I could just find-”

 

He pulled out a bag of beans with a grunt of victory, then started the process to make coffee. As it steeped, Rey wrung her hands a few times, then gave a small, awkward wave. “Hi.”

 

Kylo looked up, then also mumbled, “Hi.”

 

“How… how have you been?”

 

He shrugged. “Fine.”

 

“Oh. Good.” Rey responded, nodding a bit more than necessary.

 

Clearing his throat, he finally asked, “You?”

 

“Yeah, me too. I mean, I’m doing good. Well. Doing well.”

 

“Oh. That’s… good,” he replied, grimacing at how stilted this whole conversation was. Thankfully, the coffee was finally ready, and after adjusting it to their respective tastes, he walked it over to her.

 

“Thanks.” She told him, taking the mug gratefully. “This is a fun change of pace. You bringing me coffee.”

 

Wincing at the accidental reminder of their former relationship, Rey took a small sip of the coffee, then stared at it in surprise.

 

“What? Is it too bitter?”

 

“No, it’s actually… really good.” She glanced up curiously. “What did you put in here?”

 

“Four creams, five sugars,” He told her in a disapproving tone. “How you haven’t had a heart attack yet is a mystery to me.”

 

“Hey! Life is too short to not have things taste good.” She argued with a small smile, lulled by the return to their usual banter enough to meet his eyes.

 

Electricity sparked between then, and Rey quickly dropped her gaze.

 

“I’m sorry, by the way.” She murmured, staring at the floor.

 

He watched her for a moment. “For what?”

 

“For everything. For… ruining your career, your job, the company you worked- I’m so sorry, this is coming out as bragging, but I swear it’s not.”

 

He swirled his coffee, then asked, “Would you have done anything different?”

 

Rey glanced up at him curiously. “What?”

 

“If you had to go back, and do it again, would you have done anything differently?”

 

“I…” She bit her lip, then shook her head. “No.”

 

“Then don’t apologize. My dad always said only to say sorry when you kriffed up, not for anything else.” He tilted his head after a moment, then added, “Although he’s not a great source of good advice.”

 

Rey gave him a tight smile, which faded as she said, “I am sorry for lying to you.”

 

He paused. “Yeah. Me too.”

 

They stood in silence that grew more and more deafening, until Rey finally burst out, “What did she mean about the note?”

 

Kylo peered at her over his mug. “I’m… not sure. I thought it was pretty clear.”

 

“I mean... That’s what I thought too.” Rey nodded as she stared at her coffee. “I… I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about it.”

 

“You- you have?”

 

“Yes. I… I know that I can think my way is the only right way, and I’ve been working on that, and trying to think about not just taking what I need, but how to… Anyway, I understand that you probably hoped you’d never see me again- And I definitely don’t blame you. I’d probably hate me too, and it’s absolutely justified if you hate me-”

 

“That’s not what I meant at all!” He finally shouted when he realized he wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise if he waited.

 

Rey blinked. “What?”

 

“I didn’t mean any of that!”

 

“Oh.” She frowned. “What did you mean, then?”

 

He froze. “I… Well, I… I just meant that… you were right. About Snoke. About me. And I should have seen it earlier, and that was my way of… of trying to help you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They both sat with that for a moment, then Rey asked softly, “So… you… don’t hate me?”

 

He nearly gaped. “No!”

 

Peeking up at him, she held her own arms, then whispered, “Really?”

 

“Of course! I…” He searched for the right words to say as he cautiously stepped towards her. “I could never hate you.” He spoke softly, earnestly, wistfully.

 

Her hazel eyes met his with a touch of hope, and she also took an unconscious step forward.

 

“I… I would understand, if you did.” She told him, eyes tracing the outline of his mouth.

 

“Rey,” He started, his voice a low rumble as he tried to think of how to tell her what he felt, what she meant to him, as he leaned down, her shallow breaths ghosting across his face as she closed her eyes…

 

There was a loud click, and the door abruptly swung open to reveal a very startled Winter.

 

“What on earth are you two doing here? Why was the door locked?”

 

Rey practically jumped out of her skin, then blushed furiously. “I… I’m so sorry, I have to go.”

 

Rushing to the door, she stopped suddenly before looking over her shoulder. “I… It was good to see you Ben.”

 

And before he could reply, she promptly fled.

 

Winter frowned at him. “What was that all about?”

 

“My mother thought she was doing me a favor.” He growled.

 

“Ah.” The silver-haired woman nodded in understanding. “Should I tell her ‘thank you’ sincerely or sarcastically for you?”

 

His eyes followed Rey’s form as she bolted down the hall, every now and then shooting small, furtive looks behind her in a mixture of hope and embarrassment.

 

“Hell if I know.”


	14. Messages

“Wait! So what did you do?” Rose asked with wide eyes.

 

“I did the mature adult thing, recognized how uncomfortable the situation was and-”

 

“And you ran away like a scared little chicken.” Jessika interrupted, taking a sip of her gin and tonic.

 

“I did not run away-”

 

“Ba-bawk!” Jessika clucked at her as Rose giggled.

 

“I did not! Look, the point is that he didn’t want to be there any more than-”

 

“Girl, just make out with him and get it out of both of your systems.”

 

“Oh, she already did that,” Rose commented with a sly smile.

 

“Rose!” Rey squeaked as Jessika turned with interest.

 

“Whaaaat!?”

 

“Don’t try to lie, Rey,” Rose smirked over her cosmo. “I saw you two on the rooftop.”

 

“We did not make out on the roof!” Rey protested, and Jessika raised a salacious eyebrow.

 

“Oh? Make out anywhere else?”

 

Rey’s pause went on a little too long as Rose’s mouth dropped open.

 

“Oh. My.  _ God! _ When? Where? Why didn’t you tell me!?”

 

Trying to ignore her reddening face, Rey shook her head. “That is besides the point. I’m trying to say that it doesn’t-”

 

“You tell me all the details right now or I will have Finn use his new IT job to send you every spam ever.” Rose threatened.

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” Rey muttered, downing the rest of her mai tai.

 

“Your blushing cheeks betray you.” Jessika teased. “C’mon, spill.”

 

“Okay, look, it… it was New Year’s Eve, but I’m saying-”

 

_ “New Year’s?” _ Rose wailed. “And you’re only telling me now? I thought we were friends!”

 

“We are-”

 

Jessika leaned in closer. “Who kissed who? Was it at work? Was it insanely hot?”

 

Rey’s face turned even deeper red. “It doesn’t matter-”

 

“Wow! That hot, huh?” Jessika waggled her eyebrows. “Any other details we should know?”

 

“Of course it matters!” Rose argued at the same time. “Why would you think that making out with your boss doesn’t-”

 

_ “Because it was before!” _ Rey shouted finally, causing the other girls to sit back in surprise. “It was before I told him the truth. Before he found out who I really was. That I’d been lying to him for months. It was before… before I ruined everything.”

 

Her friends exchanged worried glances, then Rose touched her arm. “Hey, from what I heard, it doesn’t sound like you ruined everything. He seemed glad to see you.”

 

“Plus, he said he didn’t hate you!” Jessika added. “Most relationships I know are founded on people not hating each other.”

 

Rey sighed. “Even if he doesn’t hate me, we can’t just go back to the way things were. Everything is too… tangled. Besides, I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

 

If she wasn’t so caught up in her own self-pity, Rey would have noticed Rose’s terrible attempt at a poker face as she moved back to her seat. “What if you just started with ‘Hi’? That’s a good way to start talking again!”

 

“Yeah, right. ‘Hi, it’s Rey, it’s so dumb that we haven’t spoken in so long. Just because I spied on you for your mother, lied to you for a year, and took down your entire company is no reason to hold grudges!’” Rey snorted into her water. “As if that would fix anything.”

 

Jessika shrugged. “I don’t know. The first part sounded pretty good.”

 

“There’s no point. It wouldn’t work, anyway.”

 

Rose suddenly lit up with a mischievous smile. “Welp, we’ll find out!”

 

Frowning, Rey looked up. “What does that m- _ Oh my God tell me you didn’t!” _

 

…

 

Kylo cleared his throat, then stared at the empty email again.

 

“Dear Rey,” He started, then paused. Was that too familiar? He knew it was standard, but maybe it was different in this circumstance? This was her work email that was posted on the newpaper’s website, after all. Perhaps he should be more formal?

 

Getting rid of the first word, he tried again.

 

“Rey, I enjoyed seeing you the other day when-”

 

When his mother locked them in her office? Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t remind her about that.

 

“...enjoyed seeing you the other day. I’ve been-”

 

Thinking? Hoping? Wishing?

 

( _ Dreaming of her every night? _ His inner voice snarked.)

 

“Wondering if you might want to…”

 

Talk? See him again? Get coffee? Get dinner? Forgive him for being a complete ass?

 

“Ugh,” he groaned, thumping his head on the table. As he decided he should just delete the whole thing, his phone suddenly buzzed.

 

Glaring preemptively at whatever telemarketer was calling him, his brows furrowed when he saw it was a text from an unknown number.

 

_ Hi! _

 

He rolled his eyes and went to block the obviously wrong number when the next message made him freeze.

 

_ Its Rey! =) _

 

It couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like her- at least not from how he was reading them. Also, he had once given her a long and thorough lecture about people using the correct form of ‘it’s’ and ‘its’ in electronic correspondence, only to have her laugh at him and say that if he let her get a single word in edgewise, she would have said that she agreed.

 

_ Its so dumb that we haven’t spooked in so long! _

 

He frowned at the error.

 

_ *spoke _

 

_ *spoked _

 

_ *talked _

 

About to text back that this was clearly not Rey, and who the hell were they, and how did they get this number, the incoming messages suddenly got even more confusing.

 

_ Da;dklding/oukt _

 

_ &Ivbofsidn,,,,//iens$2# _

 

_ Oh my God, I am so sorry, Rose is drunk and stole my phone and I swear I didn’t mean to bother you and also I do know how to use spoken and it’s in a sentence. Again, I am so, so sorry. _

 

He felt himself smile a little. That sounded like Rey, at least. 

 

_ @4k^td0ls%dij; _

 

_ I am not drunkk,a nd it is dum you haven’t talked! _

 

_ //9m3sapodin””+ _

 

_ Okay, honestly, it is me now, and I have now left my idiot friends to pay my tab because they’re nosy and have no boundaries and deserve it.  _

 

_ No more spam messages from my number, promise. _

 

_ Again, so sorry. _

 

Chuckling a little, he finally typed out a response.

 

**_No problem._ **

 

There was a slight pause, then his phone pinged again, almost cautiously.

 

_ Hope I didn’t ruin your Friday night plans. _

 

Biting his lip, he thought a moment, turned on the tv, then replied.

 

**_Not unless you count channel flipping as ‘plans’._ **

 

_ How hard would you judge me if I said those were my every night plans? _

 

Snorting softly, he moved to the couch with his phone.

 

**_Being unemployed has given me ample time to watch tv and it’s all awful._ **

 

The ellipses icon indicating that she was typing appeared, then disappeared, then reappeared.

 

_ Well, if you need recommendations, you know who to ask!  _

 

Taking a breath, he ventured tentatively:

 

**_Know any good dramas? Movies preferred._ **

 

There was a slight pause, then he could almost hear her excitement come through the next blue speech bubble.

 

_ Of course I do! Do you want sad dramas? Thriller dramas? Edge of your seat with plot twists? _

 

**_… The last one, I suppose?_ **

 

_ Well, obviously, we have Inception for the classic getting into someone else’s head and ‘What does the end mean???’, but Ocean’s 11 is a great example of a super successful heist film with a fun reveal at the end. _

 

He had spent far too much in his own head lately, so he quickly decided.

 

**_The heist one could be interesting._ **

 

_ Perfect! You just need to watch the first 10 Ocean movies first. _

 

**_What? No._ **

 

_ Kidding! 11 is the first one. But I had you going, didn’t I? _

 

**_Ha. Ha. You think you’re so hilarious, don’t you._ **

 

_ I have my moments. _

 

**_Few and far between._ **

 

_ Hey, do you want recommendations or not?  _ Rey snarked back, and he felt a weight lift off his heart at the return of their familiar rhythm.

 

**_Alright. There are two on demand. Which one do I want?_ **

 

_ The newest one. 2000 or 2001 I think. _

 

**_2001?_ **

 

_ Damn, I am good. _

 

**_That remains to be seen. If this is a movie about the sea…_ **

 

_ You could use some maritime excitement! _

 

**_You’re trying to be funny again, aren’t you?_ **

 

_ Mayyybeeeeee. _

 

As the movie started, he settled into his couch, trying to hide how eagerly he awaited the next buzz from his phone.

 

_ Okay, how far are you? I just got home and I’m putting my dvd in. _

 

**_Brad Pitt is teaching people cards. They’re very terrible._ **

 

_ Ah yes, the best of the 90’s tv actors scene.  _

 

**_If you say so._ **

 

_ Love how the crowds mob Topher Grace but not George Clooney or Brad Pitt. _

 

**_Wait, how many characters are they going to introduce here?_ **

 

_ I’ll give you one guess. _

 

**_Dear God I’m an idiot._ **

 

**_Feel free to correct me._ **

 

_ Hm? I mean, no, no. Most everyone *didn’t* catch that from the title. _

 

**_I can feel your sincerity from here._ **

 

_ Then I must not be phrasing it right. ;) _

 

Shaking his head wryly, an uncharacteristic smile settling on his face as he watched the movie, he texted back:

 

**_Of course there’s a girl to cause trouble. Why am I not surprised._ **

 

_ As a girl who never causes any trouble ever, I am offended. _

 

**_Sorry, I must have the wrong number, I thought I was speaking to Rey? Brunette, 5’9”, occasional pain in the ass? Likes to give ginger bastards apoplexy?_ **

 

_ Only when Hux deserved it!  _

 

_ Which was *all* the time! _

 

**_No disagreement here._ **

 

_ Also, you need someone to be a pain in your ass. You’re too uptight. _

 

**_Am not._ **

 

_ Use a single emoji. _

 

**_No._ **

 

_ You can’t, can you. _

 

**_I could if I wanted to._ **

 

_ Then do it! Just one. ;) _

 

**_Fine._ ** _ -_- _

 

_ You’re dying inside right now, aren’t you? _

 

**_Yes. Yes, I am. I hope you’re happy._ **

 

_ A little. ;P _

 

As the movie progressed, he settled contentedly into their habitual bickering, eventually giving up paying attention to the film at all.

 

_ Did you catch it?? _

 

**_Catch what?_ **

 

_ It’s the same air freshener!! *mind blown* _

 

**_Indeed._ **

 

_ You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? _

 

He fumbled for an answer that hid the fact that talking to her held far more appeal than any film.

 

_ Did you even pay attention at all??? _

 

**_How could I? You’re very distracting._ **

 

While Kylo meant it as an annoyed excuse, he suddenly realized that without a grumpy tone, the text came off as  _ flirtatious _ .

 

“Shit shit shit.” He muttered to himself, racking his brain on how to fix it.

 

_ Ugh, fine. You’ll have to watch it again later, and I’ll try not to distract you so much ;P _

 

Freezing suddenly, he stared at the screen again, meticulously studying the message and the emoji that followed it. Was it just him, or did her text  _ also  _ come off as flirtatious?

 

He shook his head after a moment. It was far too ridiculous. He had lost his chance at anything like that after… well, after everything.

 

Right?

 

…

 

**_Explain to me again why I am watching this._ **

 

_ Because you need a basic framework for the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Pepper Potts is my hero, that’s why. _

 

**_Well, all I’m learning from this is that you could have had it a lot worse._ **

 

_ Okay, that is the completely wrong lesson to take from this! _

 

**_And the correct lesson would be…?_ **

 

“Rey?”

 

Her head snapped up. “Hm?”

 

Kaydel tilted her head. “I’ve been saying your name for five minutes. What are you doing?”

 

“Just… texting a friend.”

 

“Sure. ‘Friend’.” Kaydel repeated with air quotes. “Look, when you’re done sexting, can you tell me if you’re going to the IRE conference this year, and if you’d like to split a hotel room?”

 

“I am  _ not-  _ I would  _ never- _ ” Rey sputtered, then forced herself to breathe. “I... haven’t thought about it yet.”

 

Raising an eyebrow, the blonde replied, “Obviously. You’ve clearly got more important things on your mind.”

 

“Would you- look, let me figure out the details and then I’ll get back to you.”

 

“Okay. Say hi to your ‘friend’ for me.” Kaydel winked.

 

Rey started to protest, then gave up and checked her phone, where several texts sat unread.

 

**_Is the lesson that all assistants are right all the time? Because that’s what it feels like._ **

 

**_Is that a stripper pole in his private plane? Yikes._ **

 

**_Hoisted by his own petard. Literally._ **

 

**_You could have warned me about Yensin! I didn’t see that coming at all!_ **

 

_ Okay, first of all, warning you about Yensin would have spoiled the emotional journey. And second, what the hell is a petard? _

 

**_1, that’s no excuse. 2, a petard is a small explosive device. It’s from a line from Hamlet that means ‘the bomb-maker has been destroyed by his own creation’_ ** _. _

 

_ Hamlet had bombs in it?! How did I miss that? Were they even invented then? _

 

**_Petards date back to the 16th century. Bombs can be traced back to the 11th century in China._ **

 

_ How the hell do you know these things? _

 

**_Everyone should know these things._ **

 

_ See, when I said that about Lord of the Rings, you made fun of me. How are random history facts any better than knowing character’s names in Middle-Earth? _

 

**_This is valuable information about our world’s history. Those are random jumbles of words in a pretend world._ **

 

_ I’m going to ignore that and just say - God, Lord of the Rings is good. I need to marathon it again. _

 

**_Is that your exciting Friday night plan? Marathon movies you’ve seen countless times before?_ **

 

_ They’re still good no matter how many times you see them! And not tonight, actually. I have ‘go-out-with-people’ plans, which are far inferior. _

 

Her brows furrowed as she waited one minute, then two, for a reply. The uncharacteristic silence unsettled her, and she fidgeted in her seat until her phone buzzed with a disappointingly brief response.

 

**_Oh._ **

 

She frowned, then bit her lip as she typed out an explanation.

 

_ My local theater is showing Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which is one of my favorite comedies, so I’m going with some friends. _

 

She tried to answer emails while her phone sat silent, then spun around the instant she heard her text notification.

 

**_Sounds fun._ **

 

Unsure why the two words contained an undertone of gloom, Rey tried to compose an adequate reply.

 

_ I think it will be! _

 

“No, too… rubbing it in his face.” She pressed the back button and tapped her fingers against her chin.

 

_ It should be! I haven’t seen Finn in a while- _

 

“Nope.”

 

_ You know how us Brits are with our whacky humor! _

 

“Ugh, no.”

 

_ You should see if it’s on Netflix- _

 

Throwing her hands up in frustration, she deleted the whole thing again, then muttered, “Kriff it.”

 

_ Do you want to come? _

 

She sent it, then forced herself to read five emails before allowing herself to look. The ellipses icon kept coming on, then disappearing, before he simply sent back a single word.

 

**_Really?_ **

 

_ Yes! I mean, only if you want to.  _

 

After three minutes passed without a response, she settled for adding:

 

_ No pressure at all. It’s at the Ford theater at 7, if you want to come, but really, it’s completely up to you.  _

 

The silence finally ended with a brief:

 

**_Ok._ **

 

Rey was about to ask if that meant okay he was coming, or okay he’d think about it, or okay he was completely done with talking to her forever, before she stopped herself.

 

“Quit being paranoid. Just leave him alone.” She told herself firmly.

 

“Leave who alone?” Kaydel asked with a slightly concerned look.

 

“No one! Nothing!” Rey yelped. “I’m… going to get more coffee.”

 

“Not sure you need any more caffeine!” Her deskmate called after her, and Rey thought she might be right.

 

…

 

“Are you looking for someone?”

 

Rey glanced back at the line for snacks. “Hm?”

 

“Are you looking for someone?” Rose repeated, a furrow of worry between her brows. “You keep staring at the doors.”

 

“Oh, no. Just… checking that we have everyone.”

 

“Finn’s saving us seats, Jess and Kaydel are in the bathroom, and we’re on popcorn duty. Pretty sure that’s everyone.”

 

Sighing, Rey turned around. “You’re right. Sorry. I guess I’m just distracted.”

 

“You’ve been distracted all week,” Rose pointed out. “Jess and Kay mentioned it and we’re all kind of concerned. Is something going on?”

 

“No. I’m fine.” Rey said in a disheartened tone that even she didn’t believe.

 

“Uh-huh.” Her friend hummed sarcastically, the cocked her head to the side. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Kylo Ren, would it?”

 

“What? No. Why do you ask? I mean, why would it?”

 

Rose rolled her eyes in fond exasperation, then jerked her chin at the doorway. “Because he’s right there, looking like a giant lost puppy.”

 

Rey whirled around, unconscious of the enormous smile coming over her face as she rushed towards him.

 

He caught sight of her with palpable relief, his shoulders relaxing as he stepped forward.

 

“You came!” Rey beamed at him.

 

“Yes. I… after attempting to read the synopsis of this movie, I thought that it would only be comprehensible if I had someone to translate.”

 

“What, you don’t speak British oddball humor?” She teased.

 

“Why should I, since you’re fluent?” He deadpanned, and Rey couldn’t help but grin at the comforting pattern of their banter returning in person.

 

Rose suddenly appeared with two tubs of popcorn and a wry grin. “So, should I text Finn to save us an extra seat?” After looking him up and down, she raised an eyebrow. “Or two?”

 

“One should be sufficient,” Rey answered playfully. “Ben, this is Rose. I’m not sure if you two formally met at the First Order.”

 

“Kylo Ren,” he said, holding out his hand stiffly. If Rose noticed the disparity of names, she kept it to herself.

 

“I’m Rose. Nice to finally meet you,” she told him with a sly smile that made him abruptly feel like she knew far more than he would want her to.

 

“You as well.”

 

“Oh. My. God.” Jessika gaped as she and Kaydel came out of the ladies’ room. “Is that-”

 

“This is Kylo Ren,” Rose announced with a small glare of warning on Rey’s behalf (proving her to be the best friend Rey could have ever wanted). “He used to work with Rey and me.”

 

Kaydel recovered first. “I’m Kaydel Connix. I work the political beat at the Resistance. The girl gawking at you is Jessika Pava. She’s usually much chattier than this, so bravo for getting me some peace and quiet!”

 

Kylo frowned, then offered, “You’re welcome?”

 

Glancing at the time, Rey shrieked and started ushering everyone into the theater. “It’s about to start! Go go go go!”

 

Rose waved in the other girls down the aisle, then insisted Finn go down the row as well before sitting down herself. And if the seating arrangements just happened to put Rey next to Kylo at the end of the row, well, Rey wasn’t going to say anything.

 

…

 

“This was so much fun!” Finn said as they made their way outside. “I haven’t seen it in years, and I completely forgot about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!”

 

“Three shall be the number thou shalt count! And the number of the counting shall be three.” Mimicked Jessika in an old man’s voice, and Rose picked up the line.

 

“Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.”

 

Kaydel and Rey both shouted at the same time, “Five is right out!”

 

As everyone laughed and giggled, Jess waved at the group, “Alright, me and Kay are out! See you guys later!”

 

“Finn and I are heading out too.” Rose announced after waving back to the girls, then beamed at Kylo. “It was so great to meet you!”

 

He nodded in reply, and as she hugged Rey, she whispered, “You will tell me everything on Monday.  _ Everything _ .”

 

Finn shouted, “Bye!” as they walked away, and Rose turned back with a friendly smile. “Talk to you soon!”

 

Rey shook her head but waved all the same. “Drive safe!”

 

She then realized that she and Kylo were left on the sidewalk all by themselves.

 

“So…” she started. “Where did you park?”

 

He pointed down the block. “Just there. You?”

 

“Oh, I walked. It’s pretty close to my place, so…”

 

Wincing in memory, he nodded. “Right.”

 

Taking a slow step towards his car, Rey swung her arms back and forth, then said, “I’m really glad you could come.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Did you like it?” She asked after a beat.

 

He hesitated. “It was…”

 

“Very silly?” Rey supplied with a grin.

 

“A bit,” he admitted, then the corner of his mouth quirked up as she laughed.

 

“It really is, but that’s the point! It’s a great example of absurdist humor. You have to watch it a couple times to get the feel of it.”

 

“I’ll take your word on that.” He murmured and then, all too soon, they were at his car.

 

“I… I’m really happy you came.” Rey said finally. “It’s a fun movie, and I’m glad you could meet everyone.”

 

“Well, I… Thanks for inviting me.” He nodded back, grimacing a bit in the engulfing silence.

 

Rey’s eyes kept darting up to his face, then back down to the sidewalk before she shook her head. She looked up with a plastered on smile, then spoke with forced cheerfulness.

 

“Well, I should probably get home, so… I’ll see you around!” Her arm was halfway up into offering a handshake before she realized how hideously awkward that would be, so she snatched it back just as he stretched out his own hand. Between the look on his face and the flush creeping up her neck, she decided to leave before she did something truly spectacularly idiotic. “Bye!” She squeaked, then bolted.

 

Practically running all the way back to her apartment, Rey closed the door, then turned around and slid down to the floor, thumping the back of her head on the wood.

 

Just when she thought that things were becoming almost… normal. When she thought they were finding their way to each other. But no. The giddiness of seeing him in person was quickly doused by the cold reality of their awkward silences.

 

There was too much left unsaid. Too many hurts, too many wounds. One giant Gordian knot of uncertain emotions and dashed hopes. How on earth could they even being to resolve-

 

A sudden pounding on her door interrupted her self-reflection, and she cautiously peeked through the peephole. She watched Kylo for a moment as he ran his hand through his hair, pacing back and forth until she opened the door.

 

“Ben? What’s-”

 

“What is this?” He demanded, hands on his hips as Rey stared at him in befuddlement.

 

“Uh…”

 

“What are we doing?”

 

“Well, currently you’re yelling in my hallway. Do you want to come-”

 

He stormed inside, then continued pacing along her kitchen counter. “No, I want to know what is going on. Because, look, I know how things work with people. Everyone wants something from everyone else. You only talk to people who have value for you. I get that. My mother does it, God knows my father does it, Snoke, Hux, everyone at the First Order.” He turned around too quickly to see the heartache in Rey’s eyes as he spoke.

 

“And I know that’s what was going on earlier, that you needed access to information, and needed me to get it for you. I understand that, I really do. It was your job. But now… Now I don’t understand. Because you don’t work for me anymore, you already published your article, so I don’t know…”

 

As he mussed his hair distractedly again, Rey gently prompted, “Don’t know what?”

 

“I don’t know what you want!” He shouted finally. “Why you would keep talking to me, inviting me to things, acting like you… like I…” His shoulders slumped as he shook his head. “What on earth do you  _ want?! _ ” He asked, his voice an odd tone of broken frustration.

 

Before she quite realized it, Rey was already moving forward, already stretching her hands out to pull him down, to press her mouth to his, to envelop him in a kiss that was ardent and warming and caring and comforting all at once, to let him know that he was enough, all of him, all of his flaws and strengths and weaknesses, was more than enough.

 

She dove her fingers into his hair, hooking her other arm around his neck, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he clutched her tightly, as if she was an anchor, as if she would disappear the moment he let go.

 

Loosening her grip, trailing her hand across his cheek, his stubble catching on the tips of her fingers as she caressed his face, she softly broke their kiss, the duet of slightly ragged breaths underscoring her small hum of happiness.

 

“You,” she murmured as she shifted her weight from her tiptoes to the soles of her feet. “Just you.”

 

He blinked at her for a moment.

 

“Oh.”

 

Suddenly overcome with nervous hesitation, Rey stepped back. “Unless that’s not what you-”

 

“No! I mean, me too. I mean, not me, too, but I also want... “ He waved his hand around as if to pull the word from the air. “...This.”

 

“Oh.” She said, processing for a moment, then came in closer with a slowly growing smile. “Good,” she told him before sealing his mouth with her own, her kiss turning from warm to heated as he splayed his hands against her back, pulling her against him as he leaned backward and-

 

“Ow!” He turned to glare at the kitchen counter, where the box set of the Ocean’s trilogy was sitting askew, the corner of it sticking out over the edge.

 

Rey stifled a giggle, and he turned to scowl at her. “Your movie just stabbed me!”

 

“Maybe it’s revenge for not thinking it was interesting?” She asked slyly, biting her lip. 

 

He cocked his head to the side with ill-concealed amusement. “You think you’re so funny.”

 

Catching her tongue between her teeth, Rey bumped his chin with her nose. “I have my moments.”

 

A low, masculine chuckle rumbled through his chest as he went to kiss her neck. “Indeed you do.”

 

As he picked her up with a low growl, Rey let out a peal of laughter, sound of pure joy that settled soothingly into both of their wounded souls.


	15. Beginnings

“Do you want some tea? The kettle just boiled,” Rey offered as Kylo came into the living room.

 

“Thank you, but I’ll just make some cof-” He stopped mid-sentence as he glanced at the television screen.

 

“Rey.”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Tell me this isn’t the movie we’re watching.”

 

“Hey! You got to pick Saturday Morning Movie last week, so now it’s my turn. Besides, you said ‘Pick any movie you want’, and I said,  _ ‘Any  _ movie?’ and you said, ‘Any movie’, so really, you should have seen this coming.”

 

Sighing, Kylo made his way to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. “This is not a movie. It’s the world’s longest documentary about a place that doesn’t exist.”

 

Whirling around, Rey grabbed one of the fresh-cut sunflowers from the vase on the table and pointed it at him threateningly. “There is no mocking of the greatest trilogy in the world in my house. Now apologize!”

 

He glanced up, hard pressed to hide his grin at Rey’s dramatic pose. “And if I don’t?”

 

“Then...  _ en guarde!” _ She declared, shuffling forward and poking his shoulder with the yellow flower.

 

“You realize that I could easily defeat you with a spatula.” He commented as the carafe slowly filled.

 

“Ah, but at what cost? If you don’t surrender now, then there will be no scones for you.” She answered primly, with a mischievous wink at the end.

 

Shaking his head, a smile slowly creeping across his face, he raised his hands. “Fine, fine. I surrender in face of your… floral fencing.” 

 

“Aha! I am victorious!” Rey crowed, then leapt to pull the scones out of the oven as the timer went off.

 

As the Hobbits and Aragorn made camp for the night, Rey sighed contentedly at the warm expanse of Kylo’s chest behind her on the couch. 

 

“You know,” she commented as he reached around her to grab a scone off of the coffee table, “I feel like I should be mad that the Hobbits are about to die because they wanted to cook bacon, but at the same time, I get it.”

 

She felt his chuckle rumble through his chest. “I’m sure you do.”

 

Leaning back, she shoved her head under his chin, just to hear him sigh in exasperated fondness before entangling her fingers with his.

 

A few minutes later, he let go of her hand to fish his buzzing phone out of his pocket, only to growl at it once he checked the screen. Rey peeked up in time to see him glare at the phone before chucking it to the far end of the couch.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“My mother has invited us over for Easter,” He answer through gritted teeth. “She says we can’t hide from the world forever.”

 

Waiting a few more moments, Rey realized that was the extent of the bad news. “And that has made you grumpy because…?”

 

“Because it’s not just dinner with my parents. It’s this whole thing with family and friends. It’ll be my mom and Han and Chewie and Artoo, and Threepio, and Lando and- God damnit, I bet Luke will be there too.”

 

Rey hesitated a moment before venturing, “I think it could be kind of fun to meet your family.”

 

Kylo shifted uncomfortably. “Trust me, there’s better use for your time.”

 

Frowning, Rey turned the deflecting phrase over in her head until she gaped at him in sudden epiphany. “You don’t want them to meet me!”

 

She sat up with a gasp as his reddening face gave him away. “You’re embarrassed of me!?”

 

“Not of you,” he amended quickly, sitting up as well. “Never of you. It’s just that… Look, they’re all just a bit… difficult.”

 

Raising an incredulous eyebrow, Rey snarked, “Oh yes, and working for you was oh-so-easy.”

 

“Hey! I wasn’t that bad.”

 

When she did nothing but tilt her head with a smirk, Kylo added, “But maybe we shouldn’t mention that first day to anyone. Just in case.”

 

“So we’re going?”

 

After sensing genuine worry emanating from him, Rey laid a comforting hand on top of his. “I promise I won’t run away.”

 

Snorting a little, he murmured, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

 

Rey lifted her hand to his face, tracing his cheek with her thumb. “I don’t,” she told him with quiet confidence, leaning back as he pressed her into the couch with a relieved, reaffirming kiss.

 

Once they parted, both breathing a little faster, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered half-consciously, “I love you.”

 

Both of them snapped their eyes open, Rey in surprise, and Kylo in realization that he had uttered those three words out loud.

 

“Shit.”

 

Rey frowned good-naturedly. “How offended should I be at that reaction?”

 

“No, not shit because of… just… I didn’t mean…” He floundered, then he glanced around in desperation, his gaze finally landing on his messenger bag. “I have something for you!”

 

He scrambled up off the couch as Rey sat up with a teasing grin. “Very smooth. Trying to distract me with gifts, hmm?”

 

Rummaging around for a medium-sized box, he brought it over, face still flushing. “Is it working?”

 

Rey laughed and shook the box experimentally. “Depends on how expensive it is,” she joked as she tore off the paper. “What’s the occasion, anyway?

 

“Well, technically it’s a regift, and let’s consider it a very, very late Christmas present.”

 

Pretending to be shocked, Rey raised a hand to her forehead as she lifted the top. “Regifted?! I only accept offerings of the highest quality-”

 

She froze at the sight of the golden object, then slowly lifted the small robot out with reverent hands, letting out a shallow, ragged breath.

 

“You…” Rey swallowed, then tried again. “You didn’t throw it away?”

 

Fidgeting nervously, Kylo watched her examine the metal robot from all sides, the inset clock still ticking merrily. “I… I couldn’t. Not after… It meant too much.”

 

Alarmed, he noticed tears trailing across her cheeks as Rey bit her lip. “You kept it,” she repeated softly to herself.

 

“I shouldn’t have…” Kylo rubbed the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, but I never meant…” Grimacing, gathering his courage, he looked her in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

 

As Rey stared, he forced himself to continue. “I’m sorry for the way I acted, and the things I said, and… well, really, I’m sorry for everyth-”

 

He was interrupted by Rey flinging her arms around his neck and sealing his mouth with her own in a tearful, yet happy reprise of their earlier kiss. When they broke apart, Rey gave him a watery smile as she cradled his face, and he was about to continue the list of his many transgressions when she bumped her nose against his and whispered, “I love you too, Ben.”

 

Tears stinging at the corner of his eyes, Kylo let out a long breath and brushed his lips gently across hers. The frail, far off hope for love and family that had been hidden for so long, slowly grew and warmed his heart in a way that he had long thought impossible.

 

“I have never wanted anything more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I end this with happy tears, I have to say that all of you have made writing this fic such an amazing experience. Every kudos has made me smile, and every comment has provided inspiration and joy, since I've read all of them multiple times. An extra special shout-out to those who have commented multiple times, and who've encouraged me to keep writing!  
> I've loved every step of this process, and if you've been a silent reader up to this point, please consider this a special place to ask questions, let me know your favorite moment, or just start a conversation! I promise I will try my best to reply to each comment!  
> Feel free to come yell at me on [my tumblr](http://happilyeveraftereveryday.tumblr.com/)!  
> Thank you all so much again! I love and appreciate you all!!


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